Dispute between Childminder and husband

Bitsy_Beans

patchwork_cat wrote: »

I am not saying that the OP's husband shouldn't have apologised, he should. However how many of you have been shouted at and how many of you have received apologies? I would stick up for my DH or not comment if I couldnt' stick up for him.

We would have handled this situation very differently though, we are a team. My DH would have apologised, but we would be looking for a new childminder as it is clear to me that the CM has no loyalty to the OP.

I don't see where you get this view from? She hasn't given notice, wants to put this behind them and carry on?

pozalina wrote: »

I have been thinking about this. I was quite surprised at cm's reaction, i.e. she's forgiven him, she wouldn't serve us notice etc. But then I was surprised to hear cm allows the mother of the other family to speak to her the way she (frequently) does. She swears at her and does not apologise. She frequently expects cm to bend over backwards and accommodate her (out of hours too). I always thought of our cm as a strong woman who wouldn't take sh*t but now I am I am a bit worried about her really. It's as if she expects it from parents

Personally I wouldn't put it with being spoken to like that. However I don't know this Cm's financial position. It could be she can't afford to show abusive parents the door as she might not be in a position to pay her rent/mortgage etc.

Molly41

pozalina wrote: »

I have already told him he will be the one organising a new cm if necessary. As a pp said, I can't apologise for him, I can't make him do it now, but I can refuse to do the search for another cm. I will certainly not be changing my hours of work to accommodate him if we end up with no cm - he knows he will be doing that.

Having followed a few threads on here I can see how someone's oh may end up looking like a criminal/abuser/nasty piece of work etc, but of course posters are only focusing on one issue that relates to their oh's negative side. I have not seen many threads posted just to say something wonderful about their oh. Again, I know he was totally out of order in what he did but he does not go around shouting the odds at everyone he meets or abusing us at home. It was such a rare and unexpected incident that I am still in shock over it really. He definitely has some issues over communication, and finds it hard to accept when he is in the wrong, but usually sulks rather than shouts.

I have just found this thread and incidentally had a very similar situation quite a few years ago with my Kids Dad and out then childminder. This was to do with collections though and he was feeling very pressured as he had to collect at a certain time and there was no flexibility involved. He had to commute so got very worked up on the drive home. Again a very rare outburst - but totally unacceptable for which he was well and truly blasted for. I do think that some posts are coming across as rather harsh and that there is more to this than meets the eye - particularly in the parity of service this childminder offers to mindees.

pozalina

Bitsy_Beans wrote: »

Personally I wouldn't put it with being spoken to like that. However I don't know this Cm's financial position. It could be she can't afford to show abusive parents the door as she might not be in a position to pay her rent/mortgage etc.

She is a single parent to teenagers, one of whom has significant health needs. Finances are indeed a concern to her. She would always find other mindees but I guess a definite income is always preferable to a probable income.

Molly41 wrote: »

I have just found this thread and incidentally had a very similar situation quite a few years ago with my Kids Dad and out then childminder. This was to do with collections though and he was feeling very pressured as he had to collect at a certain time and there was no flexibility involved. He had to commute so got very worked up on the drive home. Again a very rare outburst - but totally unacceptable for which he was well and truly blasted for. I do think that some posts are coming across as rather harsh and that there is more to this than meets the eye - particularly in the parity of service this childminder offers to mindees.

So did your CM forgive and forget? Thank you for posting, it was good to read about someone who had a similar experience.