Dispute between Childminder and husband

pozalina

newcook wrote: »

OP's OH seems to be taking the ostrich approach and hoping that by next tuesday the CM will have forgotten all about it - in reality the CM will be seething even more because she hasnt received an apology. OP if I were you I would be telling (yes telling, not asking) him to get his @rse round there asap apologising for his behaviour and also apologising that its taken so long!

Oh dear, I've just tried (again) to address the delay in apologising and ignoring her text. Received short shrift and was told 'If I'm man enough to shout at her I'm man enough to apologise to her face' (next week!). Won't accept the term'abusive' either. Sorry, I'm just giving further fuel to those that would string him up

POPPYOSCAR

pozalina wrote: »

Oh dear, I've just tried (again) to address the delay in apologising and ignoring her text. Received short shrift and was told 'If I'm man enough to shout at her I'm man enough to apologise to her face' (next week!). Won't accept the term'abusive' either. Sorry, I'm just giving further fuel to those that would string him up :(

Yes you are!!!!!

What does he mean by "man enough to shout at her" he thinks thats a manly thing to do does he?

pozalina

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Yes you are!!!!!

What does he mean by "man enough to shout at her" he thinks thats a manly thing to do does he?

No, I don't think so. He means he'll face up to shouting in her face by apologising in her face. Not sure I follow his logic though

Errata

It doesn't get any better, does it. TBH if my OH had said that to me in this situation I wouldn't hae been able to keep my face straight (I have a hair trigger sense of humour).

Pollycat

Oh dear, Pozalina
You're between a rock and a hard place, I'm afraid.

Your OH just can't see that putting off the apology that he intends to give until he sees her face-to-face is just so wrong.

Can't he see that there's nothing wrong (and everything right) about texting her an apology or better still, ringing her up to apologise and THEN reiterating how sorry he is when he sees her next week?

Do you think he's hoping that he can get away with not referring to the incident at all as it will be a week old by the time he sees the child minder?

If I were the child minder, with every hour that goes past without any form of apology from him at all, I'd be getting more and more angry with him.

slyracoon

I think you are very lucky to still have a childminder.

Childminders have a duty of care to the children they look after and must do all they can to protect them from being in or witness to an abusive situation. My partner is a childminder and if any parent is abusive to her in front of other minded children she will immediatly give them their notice. She cannot take the risk that it might happen again.

Gigervamp

I've been a childminder and I've also used a childminder, so I've been on both sides of the fence, so to speak.

I think your husband was bang out of order doing what he did. It's also out of order that he didn't want to pay her and is now in a strop because you did pay her. You were lucky that she was willing to draw the line under the incident for the sake of your child.

But now, to top it all off, he's ignoring her texts and hasn't been round to apologise. That's disgusting behaviour and if I were your childminder, I would be giving you notice.

POPPYOSCAR

pozalina wrote: »

No, I don't think so. He means he'll face up to shouting in her face by apologising in her face. Not sure I follow his logic though

Yes but why does he have to wait until next week to do it.

It may be too late by then.Is he prepared to accept the consequences of that situation? i.e no childminder

smartpicture

poppyolivia wrote: »

I couldn't live with anyone that raised their voice to me let alone someone else..nightmare!

I presume you're single and childless then? :rotfl:

aliasojo

patchwork_cat wrote: »

No it isn't it is loyalty to the the other half of yourself.


It is about understanding where your DH's comes from .......

Few things popped to mind. A relationship between two people does not (imo) confer automatic loyalty. Loyalty, like respect, is earned by it's own virtue. If you show automatic loyalty to a person simply because of their status, what are you teaching? What are you conveying to others? Certainly not that you are righteous, just and fair, only that you value loyalty over anything else. It's not a positive attribute (again imo). I feel you place value on the wrong things. (But to be fair, that's only my opinion and we're all different, nothing makes me right.)

I do not agree with your comment about understanding where your DH comes from, it's all seperate. You can completely understand why a person acts/reacts the way they do but that does not make it right, excuseable or worthy of loyalty.

I find your stance on this quite interesting. Are you equally as loyal to your children? Would you loyally back them to the hilt too, in the face of their wrong doing? (For the purposes of the discussion, assume a similar situation where your child handles something badly then loses their temper at another.) What message are you sending them? Or is it different for kids? Which then raises the hypocrite issue.