Dispute between Childminder and husband

elvis86

duchy wrote: »

Sounds awfully manipulative behaviour to me-I got the impression that the OP's OH was a huff and puff when things don't go his way type rather than taking the sneaky approach

Possibly. I think what I'm suggesting (just floating a theory tbh) is that perhaps he wasn't happy with the arrangement (well, actually, the OP has told us that much), but felt that he had no choice but to accept (either because of the short notice or because the OP wasn't keen on finding a new CM). He then lost his temper, and realised that if he wasn't as tenacious as he could (should) be about apologising and making amends, this may necessitate a change of CM which would make things easier all round (providing they can find one, obviously).

Or maybe I'm reading into things too much! I'm just trying the empathise and be a little more fair, rather than simply branding the OP's OH as a selfish, abusive a*hole, as many others have done (which is essentially equally unhelpful).

aliasojo

elvis86 wrote: »

Or maybe I'm reading into things too much! I'm just trying the empathise and be a little more fair, rather than simply branding the OP's OH as a selfish, abusive a*hole, as many others have done (which is essentially equally unhelpful).

Sometimes, just sometimes, things are as they appear to be.

His behaviour was wrong. Nothing really excuses that imo.

Pollycat

aliasojo wrote: »

The OP seems (to me) to come across as a pretty 'straight' poster, I can't help but feel if there were issues such as you suggest, then she would know about them and would have listed them as a mitigating factor, if you like.

My thoughts, too.

She's had quite a lot of flak directed her way because of her husband's actions and I feel quite sorry for the position she's found herself in.

elvis86

Pollycat wrote: »

My thoughts, too.

She's had quite a lot of flak directed her way because of her husband's actions and I feel quite sorry for the position she's found herself in.

So do I, the poor woman! I can't imagine that the relentless character assassinations against her OH and folk practically branding her as a domestic violence victim because her husband raised his voice, have been particularly helpful.

Quite possibly, as others have said, it's as black and white as OH losing his temper, acting badly, and now sulking and refusing to apologise. However, if he wanted to maintain the services of the CM, surely he wouldn't wait a week to apologise? Even the most pig-headed of people could see that such a delay isn't going to help matters?

duchy

elvis86 wrote: »

Quite possibly, as others have said, it's as black and white as OH losing his temper, acting badly, and now sulking and refusing to apologise. However, if he wanted to maintain the services of the CM, surely he wouldn't wait a week to apologise? Even the most pig-headed of people could see that such a delay isn't going to help matters?

It's called cutting off your nose to spite your face ........some people simply can't bear to apologize..............and some don't care so long as they think they aare right and to heck with the consequences to those around them.

pozalina

elvis86 wrote: »

However, if he wanted to maintain the services of the CM, surely he wouldn't wait a week to apologise? Even the most pig-headed of people could see that such a delay isn't going to help matters?

You would think so. However he is of the view that is she serves us notice so be it. He's never been that happy with this CM, even before the change of hours business, and harps on about the golden days of our previous cm (who is no longer in the business). The 2 cms have very different personalities (why wouldn't they?) and the current one is more professional (bonus as far as I'm concerned) and treats her business as a business (down side as far as oh is concerned). He hasn't taken into account the disruption to the children of moving them, and the possible nightamre of finding another one, especially if we left current cm under a cloud. I have stated all this to him.

Unfortunately, duchy, you have him to a T

aliasojo

pozalina wrote: »

Unfortunately, duchy, you have him to a T

Chin up OP, these things are sent to try us.

patchwork_cat

I am not saying that the OP's husband shouldn't have apologised, he should. However how many of you have been shouted at and how many of you have received apologies? I would stick up for my DH or not comment if I couldnt' stick up for him.

We would have handled this situation very differently though, we are a team. My DH would have apologised, but we would be looking for a new childminder as it is clear to me that the CM has no loyalty to the OP.

patchwork_cat

duchy wrote: »

It's called cutting off your nose to spite your face ........some people simply can't bear to apologize..............and some don't care so long as they think they aare right and to heck with the consequences to those around them.

It takes a strong person to apologise and a lot of people are not strong enough. How many of you have been apoloised to when they have been shouted out? I can think of 3 situations where I have not been apologised to and I should have been.

patchwork_cat

aliasojo wrote: »

To anyone.

It's misplaced loyalty.

No it isn't it is loyalty to the the other half of yourself.

I would never not support him outside the household if he was still my husband if it was so bad then he would not be my DH anymore. ( Before anyone misconstrues my comments I am not suggesting for one iota that the OP divorce over this!!!)

It is about understanding where your DH's comes from and also I am talking about my DH and he wouldn't have shouted or if he had done something he would have apologised the same day.

He would have seen the bigger picture or I would have pointed it out to him!!!!