Dispute between Childminder and husband

Pollycat

patchwork_cat wrote: »

I am not saying that the OP's husband shouldn't have apologised, he should. However how many of you have been shouted at and how many of you have received apologies? I would stick up for my DH or not comment if I couldnt' stick up for him.

Errata wrote: »

Loyalty can often be misplaced. I wonder where patchwork cat would draw the line and not back their OH.

Errata poses quite an interesting question, patchwork cat.

Would you be one of those people keeping quiet whilst some poor victim's distraught mother/father/son/daughter etc is on TV appealing for 'someone to come forward'?

I know this is off-topic but a blanket statement such as this:

I would also always back my DH to the hilt in any conflict with an outsider whether he was wrong or right ( although only to outsiders, to him I would be very cross!) as would an awful lot of people I know.

is quite a scary thought.

Errata

patchwork_cat wrote: »

It takes a strong person to apologise and a lot of people are not strong enough. How many of you have been apoloised to when they have been shouted out? I can think of 3 situations where I have not been apologised to and I should have been.

It doesn't take strength, it takes courtesy and good manners. Simple.

patchwork_cat

Errata wrote: »

It doesn't take strength, it takes courtesy and good manners. Simple.

No it takes strength. It is a big person that apologises.

Pollycat

Errata wrote: »

It doesn't take strength, it takes courtesy and good manners. Simple.

patchwork_cat wrote: »

No it takes strength. It is a big person that apologises.

I'm with Errata on this one.

It's not a big person who apologies.
It's a person who is sorry and full of contrition for what they have said/done or not said/not done.

It's a person who realises they have hurt someone by their words or actions and wants to put things right.

patchwork_cat

Pollycat wrote: »

Errata poses quite an interesting question, patchwork cat.

Would you be one of those people keeping quiet whilst some poor victim's distraught mother/father/son/daughter etc is on TV appealing for 'someone to come forward'?

I know this is off-topic but a blanket statement such as this:


is quite a scary thought.

He wouldn't be my other OH anymore so no need for loyalty!!!

In a petty incident like this or a disagreement I would back my DH to the hilt. I wouldn't have to though as we would have discussed what he should do and he would have done it. We communicate and after an event like the OP's we would be united and he would have done the right thing for our children as they are the most important not his pride.

elvis86

Pollycat wrote: »

Errata poses quite an interesting question, patchwork cat.

Would you be one of those people keeping quiet whilst some poor victim's distraught mother/father/son/daughter etc is on TV appealing for 'someone to come forward'?

I know this is off-topic but a blanket statement such as this:


is quite a scary thought.

Eeeek!:eek::eek::eek:

I can see where Patchworkcat is coming from, with regards loyalty. I would always endeavour to support my partner and to understand of he did something I didn't necessarily approve of. But at the end of the day I'm my own person with my own opinions, we won't agree on everything and I wouldn't pretend that we did to save face publicly.

Saying that, aside from my closest family and friends though, I wouldn't go into great detail about any disagreements. In the OP's situation, it's not her responsibility to apologise to the CM on her husband's behalf, though she may be required to talk things through with him and make him see that he needs to apologise.

patchwork_cat

Pollycat wrote: »

I'm with Errata on this one.

It's not a big person who apologies.
It's a person who is sorry and full of contrition for what they have said/done or not said/not done.

It's a person who realises they have hurt someone by their words or actions and wants to put things right.

Maybe our definition of a 'big' person is different - a big person is someone who accepts when they have done something wrong or potentially made life difficult for their family and does what is necessary to put things right.

I think that you will find it is a common expression that it 'takes a big person to apologize'


It is semantics, I am not here to argue about slang definitions from different parts of the country of different backgrounds - that is petty and of topic.

elvis86

patchwork_cat wrote: »

He wouldn't be my other OH anymore so no need for loyalty!!!

In a petty incident like this or a disagreement I would back my DH to the hilt. I wouldn't have to though as we would have discussed what he should do and he would have done it. We communicate and after an event like the OP's we would be united and he would have done the right thing for our children as they are the most important not his pride.

Well, seeing as your OH and your relationship are so all-round perfect, perhaps you're not the best person to offer advice to mere mortals?:D

I can't imagine my OH shouting at the childminder (mainly because we don't have kids yet, let alone a CM!:D), but if you're going to offer advice to the OP you have to try and put yourself in her shoes. Saying you'd defend your OH "to the hilt" if he did something you disagreed on, but adding the caveat that it "would never happen anyway", kind of cancels out any advice you've given, iykwim?

Pollycat

patchwork_cat wrote: »

Maybe our definition of a 'big' person is different - a big person is someone who accepts when they have done something wrong or potentially made life difficult for their family and does what is necessary to put things right.

I think that you will find it is a common expression that it 'takes a big person to apologize'

It is semantics, I am not here to argue about slang definitions from different parts of the country of different backgrounds - that is petty and of topic.

So exactly what I said then.....

Pollycat wrote: »

It's not a big person who apologies.
It's a person who is sorry and full of contrition for what they have said/done or not said/not done.

It's a person who realises they have hurt someone by their words or actions and wants to put things right.

It's not slang definitions, I just put into words what you didn't.

patchwork_cat

elvis86 wrote: »

Eeeek!:eek::eek::eek:

I can see where Patchworkcat is coming from, with regards loyalty. I would always endeavour to support my partner and to understand of he did something I didn't necessarily approve of. But at the end of the day I'm my own person with my own opinions, we won't agree on everything and I wouldn't pretend that we did to save face publicly.

Saying that, aside from my closest family and friends though, I wouldn't go into great detail about any disagreements. In the OP's situation, it's not her responsibility to apologise to the CM on her husband's behalf, though she may be required to talk things through with him and make him see that he needs to apologise.

I think you understand me. I would not apologize for my DH, because we would already have discussed it and agreed on a course of action.

If my DH did anything majorly wrong he would not be my DH anymore, so no loyalty.