Dispute between Childminder and husband

SkintGypsy

Is there a regular issue with lateness? My old childminder used to have all the kids with coats on waiting for one child almost every day. Her own child was the one who was always late, because the minded kids went in first. I'm not surprised she left without waiting, and frankly trying to coordinate kids into school and meeting up with a latecomer must not be an easy task. I would definitely apologise on his behalf and ask that he does the same. And remind him that he was the late one. He should have bent over backwards to deliver the child to her, not the other way around. Having seen a childminding relationship breakdown, I would say it's something best addressed in an adult fashion rather than being left to fester. It may not be possible to come back from this. Hope you manage to work it out.

londonlass001

I agree with other posters above; your OH is in the wrong here. Not sure if your minder has kids of her own or other mindees but would your oh be happy if your children were late to school due to the lateness of another parent?

You might want to suggest to hubbie that he focuses his efforts on making amends rather than getting rid. Not sure whether your childminder has contact with other local childminders but I think you could find it difficult to find another minder if you effectively sacked her and this then got out.

Pollycat

OP, I think it's very rare to get 100% agreement from posters when you ask for opinions but I get the feeling that NOBODY is going to agree that your OH is anything but totally in the wrong.

You shouldn't feel disloyal to your OH for paying this woman.
He should feel thoroughly ashamed of himself for the way you say he acted - and be thanking his lucky stars that the child minder is grown-up enough to be willing to still take the children.

He really does owe this woman a grovelling apology - and should be telling her that he'll do better on time-keeping in future.

Errata

It's your OH that should be buying flowers and crawling on his knees up the garden path to deliver them. It's your OH that should be apologising to the CM in person ASAP not by text or any other electronic means of communication.
If neither you nor your OH understand that, I feel very sorry for you and your children.

polkadot

Another point of view to put to DH regarding his argument that "she sent them all away",if she were that shaken up and distracted and something happened to one of your children as a result-Im sure he'd have had more words about that?

If I were in the position and had other kids to watch I might have called their parents to take them away also for the same reason.If she would then hold him responsible and tell the other folks why they'd all be taking a day off work (you're potentially looking at at least 4 other parents),the repercussions for him could have been huge.

Pollycat

pozalina wrote: »

To give a bit more detail on why dh was so mad: the CM has helped out another family a lot, to the point of looking after one of their children late at night and very early (6am) in the morning, and the mother has shouted at her several times as well (poor CM, I know!). We recently changed our hours with CM to suit this family as the mother wanted to go on a course. We were told by CM that if we didn't bend to the new hours she would give us notice as the other family paid her much more money than us (they attend longer hours). CM said this family had her over a barrel as the mother told her they would leave if she didn't accommodate them. DH feels CM is ready to be flexible for them but not us, and the incident yesterday made him see red. I do not defend his actions and think the situations are different, but I have sometimes felt that she'll do things for them but not us as well.

If you're not happy with the service you are getting for the amount you are paying, then the answer is to find another child-minder who will do what you want for the amount you will pay her.

Just because another parent has shouted at her doesn't make it right for your OH to do the same.

Reggie_Rebel

Your husband's an ar*e, a late one at that.

He should be able to manage his time better and not expect someone else to change their plans because he can't read the time on his Mickey Mouse.

ladymarmalade1970

I had this happen with my old CM some years ago and i went BALLISTIC at my kids dad. It was totally unacceptable to shout as someone who looks after our children. I guess it may have been easier for me as i was actually separated from him but like you, i knew what he was like.
You honestly can't put a price on the peace of mind a decent childminder gives you. I would have nothing if it weren't for the one i had. She hasn't had my kids for nearly 2 years now and it's her birthday on Friday. We will still drop a present round there and i will be forever indebted to her for helping raise my children nicely.

sashadesade

pozalina wrote: »

To give a bit more detail on why dh was so mad: the CM has helped out another family a lot, to the point of looking after one of their children late at night and very early (6am) in the morning, and the mother has shouted at her several times as well (poor CM, I know!). We recently changed our hours with CM to suit this family as the mother wanted to go on a course. We were told by CM that if we didn't bend to the new hours she would give us notice as the other family paid her much more money than us (they attend longer hours). CM said this family had her over a barrel as the mother told her they would leave if she didn't accommodate them. DH feels CM is ready to be flexible for them but not us, and the incident yesterday made him see red. I do not defend his actions and think the situations are different, but I have sometimes felt that she'll do things for them but not us as well.

So? If she makes a lot more money from the other family then of course she's going to be more flexible for them. They're probably her main source of income. The CM has made her position clear on this, if you don't like it you find a new CM. It doesn't make it okay to scream at her like she's a piece of dirt.

minimoneysaver

Quite frankly you are lucky that your CM didn't call the police! No way is it acceptable that he behaved in that way. I am surprised that your CM hasn't refused any future contact with your DH and insisted that all future contact be with yourself.