Dispute between Childminder and husband

pupsicola

I think your husband is lucky that he just got told to take the children home yesterday and that your childminder is willing to carry on caring for your kids in future.

It must have been awful to have been shouted at and reduced to tears. I hope your husband will apologise to her and maybe consider anger management classes.

You were right to pay her. Few people would feel like working after going through that.

madison-nyc

I totally agree with what all the previous posters have said , he was bang out of order and damn right you should have paid her! Also am I right in thinking he did all this shouting and making her cry in front of your children too then? I'd be questioning a lot of things if my husband shouted at me like that nevermind someone else! I'm quite shocked that this seems relatively normal to you to be honest.

Fruit_Gum

What everyone else has said really. He should be apologising to her and you're very lucky she is still willing to have your children

Errata

she had to leave for the school run, so couldn't wait.

This would seem to indicate the CM either has children of her own, or minds other children in addition to the OP's.
If this is the case the CM is potentially exposing other children to aggression and abuse unless she bans the bully of a father from her property. In these circumstances, which could be classed as domestic violence if it occurred between two parents, to agree to continue to look after the children is not very sensible of her and not the response I would expect from an experienced and responsible CM.

starsandmoon

Did your husband shout at the childminder in front of other peoples children that she minds? My DD goes to a childminder who is an angel but I wouldnt be amused if another parent acted that way in front of my DD. It wasnt the childminders fault he was late and the school run as you know is important and not flexible. My childminder picks my daughter up from school and I would not be impressed if she was late because of another parents selfishness. If I was late I would wait for the childminders return and make sure I was on time the following day. Your hub was late anyway so another 10 mins wouldnt have made any difference.

welshmoneylover

Yes she should be paid, your husband should also apologise to her immediately.

In addition, I think the child minder was right to send the children away for the rest of the day.

your husband has no right to speak to anyone like that, if he spoke to another fella in a pub like that I expect he'd have had a smack across the chops and quite rightly so.

Any

You OH behaved like a bum and it was not your CM's fault at all - none of it.
She has responsibility for other kids, not just yours and that is why you possibly pay her less then you would if you had nanny. If she waited for him or was "flexible enough" for him afterwards, after he screwed up then she would let the other kids down.

As such you should pay her for that day, and your OH should appologise (though I probably wouldn't want to work for him in her place) and if you want to keep her buy her flowers as well!

I lose my temper sometimes too, especially when under pressure, but you have to stand up and pay for your own mistakes! What your OH is doing is trying to teach her a lesson who is the boss by not wanting to pay her and that in my eyes is a behaviour of a bully!

pozalina

Thanks for all replies so far. It's making me feel better about paying her. I have been feeling guilty because I feel I should stand by his views as he is my dh after all.

pigpen wrote: »

I'd insist hubby went to see her to apologise he has no right to scream and shout at anyone and make them cry what a mean bully..

If the children are happy and you are lucky enough your CM doesn't tell you where to shove you money, husband and children I'd try to keep them there.QUOTE]

He did actually compose a text (to reply to one she sent him) where he apologised for shouting, but he did not send it (I'm not sure why, I haven't seen him long enough to discuss properly). I'm sure he will apologise when he sees her tomorrow.

He has been 'running late' a few times. Normally it is fine as she is at home anyway. He was cross that she wouldn't meet him at the school (where she collects another child) - she said she didn't know where she would meet him.

To give a bit more detail on why dh was so mad: the CM has helped out another family a lot, to the point of looking after one of their children late at night and very early (6am) in the morning, and the mother has shouted at her several times as well (poor CM, I know!). We recently changed our hours with CM to suit this family as the mother wanted to go on a course. We were told by CM that if we didn't bend to the new hours she would give us notice as the other family paid her much more money than us (they attend longer hours). CM said this family had her over a barrel as the mother told her they would leave if she didn't accommodate them. DH feels CM is ready to be flexible for them but not us, and the incident yesterday made him see red. I do not defend his actions and think the situations are different, but I have sometimes felt that she'll do things for them but not us as well.

I agree with scotty1971 - dh is lucky that her partner didn't take exception and come round to sort him out (which is more because he is an on-off boyfriend).

As to anger management, he is very calm and placid 95% of the time. I have only seen him lose it a handful of times in the 10 years I've known him. I was not there but from both accounts he did not swear or threaten her but he did shout very loudly.

Madison-nyc - It is not normal behaviour to me, I am really not happy that he shouted in front of our children and one other child that was there. I am upset, angry and embarrassed that I had to take a phone call at work from my CM in tears. I am surprised too that she agreed to keep us on after that. She was still a bit upset when I saw her several hours later.

Any - I will buy her flowers - I was going to yesterday but florist was shut by the time I got to it.

sashadesade

Of course you should have paid her, and I agree with everyone saying she is owed an apology from your husband too. What a disgusting way to act, I'm amazed she's still willing to look after your kids.

kelloggs36

I cannot believe that he doesn't feel that the CM should be paid - it was because of HIS actions that she felt she had to ask him to leave and could not continue to work to her full potential. Nobody has the right to speak to anybody in the manner in which he did, so the very least he could do is apologise profusely.