I need to leave so what’s stopping me? (very long sorry)

jinky67

pigpen wrote: »

Oh we are a sorry bunch aren't we?

Why do the children behave like little gits when they have seen us do stuff like this to protect them?

because they are little gits:rotfl:

SUESMITH_2

please please take the house. nothing more to say apart from that. you know what you should do

msb5262

Just dropping into this thread to say -

first: OP, you seem to have made a brave decision. Brilliant - go for it and I hope you will find everything starts to get better immediately. Keep posting here for help, advice and lots of support.

second: there are several very brave determined posters here who have made similar decisions after being in hideous situations. Massive applause and respect to them. Ladies, I salute you. You know who you are. You are inspiring.

love to all who need it

MsB xxx

shellsuit

I'm with the others, PLEASE take the house ~ this could be a new beginning for you and the children, you'd be mad not to go for it! x

jinky67

I honestly think if you dont take the house, your OH will never take your threats seriously. He honestly doesnt believe you will go. Been there.
Your DD is probably just angry and may well come round, when she sees you are serious about going.

if you do decide to go for it, there are loads of people in various parts of the boards that can help with anything that may crop up

MadameCholet

Well I'm sorry to disappoint you all but I cancelled the appointment to stall for more time:(

I had a terrible night last night with 16 yr old & 19 yr old fighting at midnight, 1 more bedroom door smashed to bits & 16 yr olds bedroom trashed. Both 2 & 6 yr old woke up terrified & had to sleep in my room & I've had no sleep at all.

DH being surprisingly ok with me but has said he will not have any of the children if I leave, I have no idea how I will cope with the eldest 2 together as 19yr old is now not moving out. Wondering what's the point of going if I have to take the eldest two & their anger & agrression with me?!

Eldest DS came round today, DH was predictably nasty to him asking him 'what are you doing here?' - he's always made to feel unwelcome. But get this DS doesn't think I should leave if it means we'll lose the house!!!

Had a sort of panic attack when it came to meeting the LL so phoned to cancel & said I would speak to him in the morning:(

pigpen

at 19 and 16 neither you nor he can force the children to live anywhere they don't want to.

Who gives a monkey's what DS thinks? He has no say as it isn't him living there and it isn't him moving out.. do you normally do what your children say?

Do you have a friend who will come to the landlord with you?

The other 2 should be made to replace the door from their own money and with their own time.. or they can have a room with no door.. who cares? One less thing to replace when they behave like morons again.. Mine learned that VERY quickly.. and my boys haven't had a bedroom door in over a year, they broke the door with piles of crap behind it and I said until they tidy their room they have no door..

Just think, in what, 10, 15 years time it'll be your 2 little ones fighting and breaking up the house because you will still be there making excuses and they will think that is normal behaviour and act just the same. And when they all have children you will see your husband reflected in the way they treat their children and wives.

Yes it is hard it truly is but if you want things to change you have to make it happen and continually going over the same stuff doesn't alter anything.

BallandChain

It seems that violence and aggression just goes around in your home Madame Cholet. If I was in your situation I'd ring the landlord, take the house and take the youngest two with me. Let the 16 and 19 year old stay with their dad because they are old enough to know better. If it comes to selling the house well, it isn't going to happen overnight so that gives you breathing space and your older two to shape up. It sounds as if your husband is trying to manipulate you to stay by saying he won't have the older two. You have to protect the little ones as it's not just your husband that is displaying aggressive behaviour. The 16 year old could benefit from counselling although at that age it's hard to push them into doing anything.

If your 6 year old can tell the landlord that daddy smashes plates can you imagine what he might be saying to his teachers? You really don't want social services involved if it can be avoided.

belfastgirl23

Look at the title of this thread. You know what you have to do. Don't keep panicking about the future, for now, one step at a time. Go see the landlord and pay the deposit. Let the future worry about itself, just do what you have to do today.

But when I say don't think about the future, it's worth stopping to consider, what if you're still there in a year? With your two little ones a year older? What about 5 years time when they're getting to be teenagers? Do you want ot repeat the cycle again?

you know what you need to do. But one thing at a time. just sit calmly and listen to your inner voice. And then pick up the phone....

good luck.

And don't forget we are all here to support you as best we can

life_in_termoil

OP I could of written your original post myself 3 years ago!!! The only difference being was that I was in Germany and had no support from anyone.

My advice to you would be to phone the LL and get the keys and leave ASAP. So what if the new house is not up to your expectations? You can sort this in time and make it your home. I left Germany with the kids, the dog and afew bin bags of clothes and thats it! BUT i have to say it was the best thing I ever did! Sure you will have doubts and the what ifs but you need to put things into perspective.

Starting afresh is what you all need. If the older ones dont want to come with you then thats their choice. My kids were 10, 11,15 and 18 at the time but the eldest 1 is now at university, another is at college doing his A levels. The youngest ones have behavioural problems and this is the backlash of staying in a violent relationship but we are getting the help we need and are working through are problems. Im not saying its easy its not but I feel if we had of stayed we would of been on the


as myself or my children or all of us would probably be dead by now!!