older independent son problems

Emmzi

I can't believe the posts saying essentially "Stalk him and force your way into his life"

Gotta say, that'd fix my resolve to complete dissassociate from the family.

OP has done nothing wrong here, son is a selfish git, why are people making this "all her fault"?

Geesh.

VfM4meplse

Emmzi wrote: »

OP has done nothing wrong here, son is a selfish git, why are people making this "all her fault"?

No-one is saying that it is the OP's fault, but she is complaining about a situation whilst refusing to take action, so why keep posting?

red_devil

VfM4meplse wrote: »

No-one is saying that it is the OP's fault, but she is complaining about a situation whilst refusing to take action, so why keep posting?

Hi,

I wouldnt say I have taken no action. I have tried to meet up and i have asked for his address recently. I have remained available for him and committed but he hasnt demonstrated any interest and on occassions has been nasty to me. There is no passion, want and desire on his part. If it was a friend you wouldnt bother would you?

I would like to talk face to face as thats best. You have the person there in front of you and can gauge reactions etc. I need to get him to commit to a meet though.

Not sure how to proceed still, everytime i think about it i feel anxious and depressed, upset and angry. Thanks for your replies though.

Money_maker

red_devil wrote: »

I have also recently asked for his latest address to which no reply. I only know as i say because he told my mum when she rang him and she passed it on to me.

Ask your mum for his address, take a bus/train/taxi to where he lives. Wait there til he shows.

I sense a lot of pride and indignation in your posts but there's always two sides.

You need to see him face to face and try to talk this through. This way it will either be resolved or he will break your heart. But you cannot carry on like this, must be eating you up.

Please do it - this could be your final gesture.

red_devil

Money_maker wrote: »

Ask your mum for his address, take a bus/train/taxi to where he lives. Wait there til he shows.

I sense a lot of pride and indignation in your posts but there's always two sides.

You need to see him face to face and try to talk this through. This way it will either be resolved or he will break your heart. But you cannot carry on like this, must be eating you up.

Please do it - this could be your final gesture.

I dont think he has a side apart from he is selfish, thoughtless and self centred and enjoys hurting me. If there is a side there he has never come forward to put it across. He has never shown he wanted to talk and air anything.

As i said the address i have is not where he is living its the address he uses for post. It would not be possible to do as you say. If he lived down the road or not to far and i definetely knew his address then i would go and speak of course.

Money_maker

Where there's a will, there's a way.

Thought mum knew his addy. If not, she can get it. Even if 100 miles away, still in the UK. Can't see the problem unless its what I think it is.

Blackpool_Saver

VfM4meplse wrote: »

No-one is saying that it is the OP's fault, but she is complaining about a situation whilst refusing to take action, so why keep posting?

Are you for real?

desert_rose

Tough love. That's what's needed here. And that means stepping back, living your life as fully and happily as you can and not feeding his power trips and controlling behaviour.
He's having a great time - he's got you exactly where he wants you and meanwhile, you're losing hope, peace of mind and any dignity remaining as you begin to plead with him to get in touch.
I know its hard - we've a family member who has done the same to one of my siblings, but the best thing you can do is to rise above it and stop enabling his behaviour.
A long strong silence is what's called for here and if anyone asks, you're tired of being treated like dirt and no-one is going to treat you that way again.
He needs to 'get over himself'. And you need to retain your sense of self respect now. You DO NOT DESERVE to be treated like this.

euronorris

Who's address is it then? His Dad's? Is it possible to ask the Dad to let you know when he next expects him to visit? Or ask his Dad to give you a call if your son calls him to say he'll be over?

Your son definitely has a side, but for whatever reason he has not aired it yet. He may have misinterpreted things you've said or done, or he may have some things to say that are upsetting but true, but there is no way to know until you talk. Very few people purposely hurt other people without, what they feel is, good reason. There's a reason, and it may be unjustified, or justified, but again, until you talk you have no way of knowing.

If face to face is not possible, then a letter is your only option. Otherwise, you have no option but to accept that he isn't a part of your life.

Amara

I think all situation is a bit sad.I live abroad myself, but it wouldn't crossed my mind to not call my parents or brother . I call them every week and visit regulary. Family is one of most important things in our lives, we should value it.