older independent son problems

puddy

he's crying out for something but maybe cant or wont say what. there may be an element of punishment here

how old was he when he left home and why did he leave, did he plan it all and save up to buy or rent somewhere?

did he grow up with just you, does he have siblings, when did you and his dad split

to be honest this all sounds like old baggage and unless you can evaluate what may be going on, you'l have to wait until he feels ready to disclose it. this will make him feel vulnerable so i presume this wont happen for a while

pimento

You do have the right phone number, yes? He may have changed his phone.

If it were me, I'd have driven to his house (booking into a hotel if it was that far away) and knocked at his door. If he wasn't in, I'd have sat and waited.

I hate texts.

red_devil

pimento wrote: »

You do have the right phone number, yes? He may have changed his phone.

If it were me, I'd have driven to his house (booking into a hotel if it was that far away) and knocked at his door. If he wasn't in, I'd have sat and waited.

I hate texts.

no i have the right number

i dont drive and i cant do that and it shouldnt be necessary. There are phones and emails. He should have called back surely.

He keeps saying i dont get in touch but he dosent either.

sock-knitter

red devil, i'm in a similar situation to you. ds2 got a flat, i helped him move etc, bought stuff for the flat, run him around to get shopping etc.
then last week he stopped ringing and texting, friday he took an overdose, i went to visit, he told me i shouldnt have bothered, and asked me to f*** off.
i tried ringing him on saturday, i was having an op that day and he was so nasty, tolds me he never wants to see me again etc, but no reason why.
rang him again yesterday and he only answered when i withheld my number, but still wouldnt say much, and hung up on me, so i too am left wandering what if anything, have i done wrong

red_devil

i dont feel its me i feel its him.

ive done the best i can and have now phoned i was told not to email or text:cool:

I dont like the way he keeps ringing my mum either. There is no need for all this nastiness.

He also told her i said he goes out drinking every weekend getting drunk which i did not. Dont know where thats come from?

Its dragging me down. Not the way i wanted it to be.

Sorry your having problems too.

red_devil

puddy wrote: »

he's crying out for something but maybe cant or wont say what. there may be an element of punishment here

how old was he when he left home and why did he leave, did he plan it all and save up to buy or rent somewhere?

did he grow up with just you, does he have siblings, when did you and his dad split

to be honest this all sounds like old baggage and unless you can evaluate what may be going on, you'l have to wait until he feels ready to disclose it. this will make him feel vulnerable so i presume this wont happen for a while

thanks kind of makes sense altho i have no idea why he wants to punish me?

Left home as a mid teen he wanted to go, no siblings from me but two sisters from his dads remarriage. Which he is ok with and always has been? We split when he was 5.

red_devil

sock-knitter wrote: »

red devil, i'm in a similar situation to you. ds2 got a flat, i helped him move etc, bought stuff for the flat, run him around to get shopping etc.
then last week he stopped ringing and texting, friday he took an overdose, i went to visit, he told me i shouldnt have bothered, and asked me to f*** off.
i tried ringing him on saturday, i was having an op that day and he was so nasty, tolds me he never wants to see me again etc, but no reason why.
rang him again yesterday and he only answered when i withheld my number, but still wouldnt say much, and hung up on me, so i too am left wandering what if anything, have i done wrong

ive also had this last time i got in touch he was abusive by email then said he would ring and didnt. I dont know whether im coming or going with him. Perhaps i should let him work this out.

Lara44

Perhaps you might think about family counselling? Having a skilled outsider might provide a place for this baggage to come out and be dealt with once and for all. Sounds like the status quo is really getting you down...

red_devil

thanks lara we live in different towns though and he works full time.

Lara44

Is it something your Mum could suggest - and get him to think is his own idea?