Should grandparents help out?

elff

thatgirlsam wrote: »

Maybe your Mum is worried she won't be able to handle constant screaming fits

t

He is normally ok in the day... and is getting better all the time especially if he is out and about.

Hopefully it is somthing he is growing out of - genrally they are good boys

sueeve

Every family situation is different. I loved having the 2 grandchildren for an INSET morning last week, but wouldn't want to be tied to a regular time, just as and when. The morning exhausted me. Either by special arrangement, or ALWAYS in emergency, when I would cancel other arrangements. eg if daughter or 1 child very sick. But on the whole I feel that I served my time with my own 2. They all come to tea once a week, but that's my choice.
When I had my children no grandparents anywhere near.
I expect the grandmther in questin feels she can't cope or shouldn't have to cope. Is she a bit lacking in confidence these days?

downshifted

elff wrote: »

Thanks we asked for a homestart volunteer when then twisn were born and she came once a week for a while then once a fortnight then would just turn up we havent seen her now for months in fact i still have her xmas present from the twins in the cuboard.

My GP requested hv get in contact with me as he felt i needed help.... She has no it seemed stoped answering my calls and it appears she has arranged a hearing test for my son???

and so you let it lie and instead put a question on here?

I appreciate you are tired and need help - so go about getting some in a sensible way - follow the suggestions on here and get your husband to give you a break, or arrange some paid babysitting, or chase up your health visitor or go back to the dr and ask again for help

If grandparents do not wish to help (and it is their choice) you need to explore other options

Try taking one step at a time until you find one that works for you.

Good luck:)

thatgirlsam

elff wrote: »

He is normally ok in the day... and is getting better all the time especially if he is out and about.

Hopefully it is somthing he is growing out of - genrally they are good boys

I'm sure he will grow out of it

My 5 year old son said to me in a little voice this week 'We won't be children forever will we'

That made me really sad - he will always be my son but he won't be my little boy forever

This time will pass and although its really really hard work you will look back with fond memories

elff

balletshoes wrote: »

okay so when your OH has his days off/holidays, thats when you take some time to yourself. Even a couple of hours at the weekend - he looks after the kids, you take yourself off for a coffee with a friend, or a walk to blow the cobwebs away.

or if you need to catch up on your sleep, he takes the kids out of the house for a couple of hours (local soft play centre for example) while you sleep. You both made these babies, you both have a responsibility to take care of them, helping the other one out and supporting them when they need it.

Hes does try - HE will take dd swimming she is VERY bright and demands a lot of attention with her constant questions and imagination. He has a stressfull job and after hearing me complain he just replies he is just as /more tired than me and he needs a break as well.

in 20 odd years when they move out i guess i will get a lie in then

podperson

Hi Elff,
Sounds like it might be getting a bit on top of you at the moment and are focusing on your mum as a problem because she seems the most obvious choice of someone to help out. If she chooses not to do that for whatever reason that is up to her - but that doesn't mean you can't get help from elsewhere. Do you have any friends with children you could perhaps swop babysitting times with, a Surestart or babies and toddler group in your area to get a bit of support from - even if hubby could take the kids for a few hours at weekend just to give you a little break. Three is a handful - especially with twins so just a bit of time to yourself would probably do you the world of good x

elff

Thankyou for your advice x

balletshoes

elff wrote: »

Hes does try - HE will take dd swimming she is VERY bright and demands a lot of attention with her constant questions and imagination. He has a stressfull job and after hearing me complain he just replies he is just as /more tired than me and he needs a break as well.

in 20 odd years when they move out i guess i will get a lie in then

thing is though sweetie, you're working way more hours than he is aren't you? you don't get a break at all if OH only takes your DD out.

you need help, if you don't feel your OH can do it, get back in touch with surestart - even see if there are toddler groups around you can take the twins to, so you're with other mums, socialising a bit while your kids play with different toys for a while, out of the house.

Prudent

elff wrote: »

Hes does try - HE will take dd swimming she is VERY bright and demands a lot of attention with her constant questions and imagination. He has a stressfull job and after hearing me complain he just replies he is just as /more tired than me and he needs a break as well.

in 20 odd years when they move out i guess i will get a lie in then

Would it be posssible for you each to have a part time job a give a better balance? If you both worked say 17/20 hours each and shared everything at home 50/50 then you would both have time with the children and away from the children.

pigpen

My mother would rather stab out her own eyes than have my children.. they aren't hers, i wanted them i had them therefore i look after them.. her words!

In the 20 years I have been a mum she has looked after DS1 once, DD1 once .. BUT.. if I need her, even at 2am she will be there.

She borrows money from me and never pays it back
I don't go to her house.. it is nasty dirty/messy and she has 5 dogs and I hate dogs.. her house makes me wheeze.

I am her PA

My son has a little boy of 2.. Do i look after him?? Hell no.. he isn't mine.. but if there was an emergency they know where I am and I'd do everything in my power to help.

I bought the washing machine when they got their house, sorted the crockery and cutlery and sofas and everything, acted as guarantor for their house.. but IMO you choose to have our children, you might not have intended twins but we all know it could happen.. at least they are good and healthy.

To get a rest could you and a pal/sibling/mum go on a weekend away? Leave the children with daddy so he can have some quality time with them and go!

My ex-MIL doesn't even know which child is which because she never sees them, isn't interested in them and they walk past her in the street and don't know who she is.

My current MIL will not be having the baby, she is an alcy-frolic and I won't take te risk of her going on a bender while the baby is there.