Should grandparents help out?

balletshoes

red_devil wrote: »

you dont need to rest all day and every day? Surely it would be fun for her to take the twins sometimes but not all the time? You get out what you put in.

but gran maybe just doesn't want to? its her life, and she shouldn't be expected to want to look after her grandkids, in my opinion.

thatgirlsam

elff wrote: »

I dont want help all the time but there are times when i am truley exhausted from lack of sleep and contant screaming fits from my son.

Yet i still have to go through the day and get no peace....

Maybe your Mum is worried she won't be able to handle constant screaming fits

I must admit I would worry about looking after a child like that even for a short while.. I know its not his fault but that sounds like extremely hard work, especially for an older lady

I think you could ask for help in different areas, like surestart.. or even speak to your GP and say you need a break and see what they say

Maybe you could get someone for a couple of hours a week to help out

red_devil

When ds was growing up his paternal grandad and aunty lived in the same town and would often phone and ask him round, he went overnight, he stayed for tea, did all sorts of things.They had days out etc. His grandad had a friend with a son the same age to often they all used to go out together. They all really enjoyed it and it was a break for me. They put it in so as a result are quite close now. Ds is grown up now and away from me.

If i was to have a child now the situation is different my partners parents are dead and mine are elderly ill and live along way away. I wouldnt get any support or breaks etc plus the child wouldnt have any grandparents really. I think i would feel it and i think you have to be hundred per cent committed if you get no help. Im not having any so its not a problem but i do think its nice to have some family members around who want the pleasure of the kids. We all need a break and couple time. We cant choose our situations though so we get what we get.

If ds has any children i will be made up and do what i can. They would be an extension of him so why wouldnt i want to have them over, take them out etc its fun as long as you are healthy.

balletshoes

elff wrote: »

We are married and live together he is out the door at 730 and rarely gets home before 630 so for me its a very long day getting 3 kids up (they usally are by then anyway) fed 1 to school and entertaining two livley todlars all day hubby gets home he eats then the kids are bathed and bed twins at 730 4 yr old at 8.

One of the twins has some problems (hospital are investigating him) and does not sleep well at all ... can be only 2hrs some nights.....

okay so when your OH has his days off/holidays, thats when you take some time to yourself. Even a couple of hours at the weekend - he looks after the kids, you take yourself off for a coffee with a friend, or a walk to blow the cobwebs away.

or if you need to catch up on your sleep, he takes the kids out of the house for a couple of hours (local soft play centre for example) while you sleep. You both made these babies, you both have a responsibility to take care of them, helping the other one out and supporting them when they need it.

seven-day-weekend

brians_daughter wrote: »

red_devil wrote: »

But to many of us (me included) thats what being a granny should be about..enjoying the children on grannys terms, when they see fit. If the occassional babysit was a few hours a month whilst the parents went for a meal etc then i expect they would be over the moon with such help.

Red devil, your children and grandchildren (if you have any - sorry cant remember) are very lucky to have you 'on tap' so to speak but for many that isnt what they want to do...both grandparents and parents included

I said I would be prepared to do the ocasional babysit (which I may or may not enjoy, :rotfl:!), although I don't think there would be anthing wrong if grandparents didn't want to. (and I would not want to take a screaming kid out either. Been there, done that).

What I would not be prepared to do is look after them while my son and his partner went to work. They would have to make other arrangements.

This may include me helping to fund childcare if necessary. But may not.

Why is it not possible for the OP to get a paid babysitter occasionally?

jollymummy

My Mum and my inlaws are in their 70s. They help out with DS (5)sometimes, my Mum might stay over and look after him when we go out for our one evening out per year My inlaws took DS to school one day last week as I had to leave home very early to go on a course. It sometimes annoys me a bit that my SIL lives some distance away and they visit her for a week at a time every other month and holiday with her every year. They spend most of this looking after my niece who is also 5. However, although it might seem unfair at times, I'd never expect our parents to have DS regularly. We juggle work between us and use the schools breakfast club to help out too. When me and my Sisters were little my Mum and Dad worked but didn't ask their parents to help out either.
If Grandparents want to help out that is lovely, but I don't think they should feel they have to.

osian

Not sure on the grandparents issue as all families are different.

My daughter hardly ever gets left with grandparents, maybe babysitting for a night out once in a while, but I think part of that is mine and my husbands fault as we're too independent as a couple to ask for help.

If we are really tired, we let each other have lie in on the weekend. I get saturday, he gets sunday or vice versa. That seems to help us both a lot. Sometimes, if my daughter has been a handful all day I tend to hand her over to my husband when he get's home from work and go and do some 'work' upstairs.

elff

red_devil wrote: »

try homestart in your area they may offer you help with twins. A volunteer can call once a week for a few hours and offer help and support have you heard of it?

Thanks we asked for a homestart volunteer when then twisn were born and she came once a week for a while then once a fortnight then would just turn up we havent seen her now for months in fact i still have her xmas present from the twins in the cuboard.

My GP requested hv get in contact with me as he felt i needed help.... She has no it seemed stoped answering my calls and it appears she has arranged a hearing test for my son???

thorsoak

elff wrote: »

Most of my friend's have parents inlaws who do alot for their grandchildren - everything from changing nappies to looking after while mum is at work tobuying them fruit and treats.

My parents do nothing to help me - I KNOW they dont have to and I chose to have my children (although wasnt expecting twins) but i get upset when i see grandparents out for the day with their grandkids or hear about kids staying at grannys for the night...

Or helping out with debts/mortgage deposits etc.

My parents had me late in life and my hubbys parents were married at 16 and had him at 17 so while my mum is now a pensioner my mil is in early 50's working 60+ hours a week.

Had you considered that your mum's health may be failing?

I am very thankfull my mum agreed to have my dd for 15hr a week when i worked part time 3 years ago but since the twins have come along no one is interested. The kids dont sleep well and i am shattered i have begged my mum in tears for help and she has just said no. She sits at home all day watching telly.

Most of my friends have part time jobs and i would LOVE one but have no one to watch the kids... I even had to take the kids to a routine appointment with my dr.:eek:

I still have over a year before the twins get their 'free' nursery place and i can have some time off.

You yourself say that you are exhausted looking after the three of them - you are their mum, and a lot younger than your mum .

I take it that your mum is now late 60s/early 70s? There is a heck of a difference in the energy levels of someone in their 50s and someone late 60s. It might not be safe for the children to be left in the care of an elderly person.

Talk to your Health Visitor - and get your husband to take over at weekends.

Bunny

My parents have been great with us and my 6 month old Daughter, they have bought things, have baby sat her a couple of times, but as it stands now, they will also look after her when I go back to work 3days a week (13hour days).
My nana's both looked after me, but my mum's used to catch 2x trains and 2x buses (regularly reminded in a nice way) just to look after us or take us to school. I think my Great Grandma used to help with my mum and aunties too though. (We are a very lucky family and I REALLY appreciate it)
I have said time and time again, that if they change their mind, I won't be angry, just give me enough time to arrange child care. I want them to feel they can enjoy having her over and not just HAVE to have her over, if you see what I mean.
It's nice when they do help, but I know where people come from when they say they have done their bit raising their own children.