Should grandparents help out?

thatgirlsam

Why shouldn't your mum watch tv all day - she is retired and deserves a rest

My mum is still working but even if she wasn't I wouldn't dream of relying on her for childcare

I had to wait till my son was in nursery before I could have a smear test!

Just be grateful you don't need to look after your mum aswell as your kids, this has happened to a friend of mine

She has 2 small children and her Mum has been very ill so she has had to look after her aswell as her kids

brians_daughter

red_devil wrote: »

it can be enjoyable though having the grandkids, the grandparents get something out of it too. It helps them also form a bond with their grandchildren.

Oh yes, i do agree. But i would never expect my parents, or my in laws to look after the children whilst i worked.

My children see each set of grandparents at least 2 or 3 times a week when we visit them or they visit us. They will gladly sit here in my living room for hours with us and the children playing or whatever. But i do feel that once you start to mix family with work commitments or expectance for them to look after the children you start a rocky road.

My mother looked after my brothers children for 3 years whilst he and his wife worked, everyday 8-6 Mon - Fri.. it all ended badly when my mum announced they had booked a 3 week cruise for their 40th wedding anniversay (gave them 13 months notice) but they said she was being unreasonable. That one occassion put me off ever wanting anyone to look after my children unless i was paying them to do so. My mum will gladly step in if say the childminder is ill (happened twice in 4 years) but thats a family emergency..totally different to a long standing agreement

My relationship with my parents and in laws is too precious to fall out with over such things as how they are allowed to spend their leisure time

red_devil

thatgirlsam wrote: »

Why shouldn't your mum watch tv all day - she is retired and deserves a rest

My mum is still working but even if she wasn't I wouldn't dream of relying on her for childcare

I had to wait till my son was in nursery before I could have a smear test!

Just be grateful you don't need to look after your mum aswell as your kids, this has happened to a friend of mine

She has 2 small children and her Mum has been very ill so she has had to look after her aswell as her kids

you dont need to rest all day and every day? Surely it would be fun for her to take the twins sometimes but not all the time? You get out what you put in.

thatgirlsam

red_devil wrote: »

you dont need to rest all day and every day? Surely it would be fun for her to take the twins sometimes but not all the time? You get out what you put in.

Maybe it would be fun, maybe it wouldn't if they are hard work!

I don't know, I don't think people should expect their parents to help, they have been there, done that with regards to child rearing and myabe she just isn't up to it

Why else would she say no, out of spite??

I help friends out a lot, on Monday we have inset day.. I have taken the day off work and I will have 4 extra children plus my 2 for the day :eek:

I love it really :rotfl:

I was wondering if maybe the OP could swap some childcare days with friends for a break?

brians_daughter

tanith wrote: »

I am a grandmother with 7 grandchildren ranging from 23yrs down to 6yrs and I have always chosen to have my grandchildren for fun and mostly when it suits me.. I was working of course when the older ones were small so had them less but now I am retired I really don't want to cope with youngsters on a regular basis as someone else said it would take the joy out of it for me and I enjoy the days I have to please myself after working for years... my daughters chose to have children and if they need to work then find someone other than me to care for them.. of course emergencies arise and I have stepped in many a time but I have never been a carer for any of my grandchildren on a regular basis.. I love them all to bits and in fact had the 6yr old overnight last night because I wanted to and we had such fun but now she has gone home to Mummy and I am enjoying my day of peace and tranquillity... you don't say how old your Mum is but my guess is she just isn't up to it...

You sound like my ideal grandma! Helps out when needed but wont do it on a long standing basis and has the children for fun! My children love going to grannies when invited as they know she will have the paints, play doh, lego out and they can run riot..because shes in the mood for fun and not because i have to go to work..but yet is there in an emergency!

Any

red_devil wrote: »

you dont need to rest all day and every day? Surely it would be fun for her to take the twins sometimes but not all the time? You get out what you put in.

Some people just don't enjoy it that much..
Either generally, or they get tired quickly with age.. Either way, it is up to them and completely their problem.

seven-day-weekend

I don't have any grand-children, but I told my son years ago that if he ever had any children, I would not look after them other than the occasional babysit or in an emergency.

I've done my bit, I don't need to do it again. I have my own life to lead.

elff

go_cat wrote: »

k

Can the childrens father not help out at all ?

We are married and live together he is out the door at 730 and rarely gets home before 630 so for me its a very long day getting 3 kids up (they usally are by then anyway) fed 1 to school and entertaining two livley todlars all day hubby gets home he eats then the kids are bathed and bed twins at 730 4 yr old at 8.

One of the twins has some problems (hospital are investigating him) and does not sleep well at all ... can be only 2hrs some nights.....

balletshoes

Growing up I had one set of grandparents who would always help out with whatever my mum and dad needed, often without having to be asked. I had another set of grandparents who didn't help out, and as I understand it, never offered help, even with babysitting occasionally.

My daughter only has one gran, thats it, but she (my mum) has always been fabulous and helpful with all her grandkids (in fact she is co-primary carer for her youngest grandchild right now, at the age of 65).

Having said that, I don't think grandparents should feel they have to help out with their grandkids. If they had their own kids young for example, they might have been looking forward to having some couple time once their kids had flown the nest, and so might prefer that over helping out with the grandkids. And I certainly couldn't blame them for that.

red_devil

elff wrote: »

We are married and live together he is out the door at 730 and rarely gets home before 630 so for me its a very long day getting 3 kids up (they usally are by then anyway) fed 1 to school and entertaining two livley todlars all day hubby gets home he eats then the kids are bathed and bed twins at 730 4 yr old at 8.

One of the twins has some problems (hospital are investigating him) and does not sleep well at all ... can be only 2hrs some nights.....

try homestart in your area they may offer you help with twins. A volunteer can call once a week for a few hours and offer help and support have you heard of it?