Should grandparents help out?

thatgirlsam

elff wrote: »

We are married and live together he is out the door at 730 and rarely gets home before 630 so for me its a very long day getting 3 kids up (they usally are by then anyway) fed 1 to school and entertaining two livley todlars all day hubby gets home he eats then the kids are bathed and bed twins at 730 4 yr old at 8.

One of the twins has some problems (hospital are investigating him) and does not sleep well at all ... can be only 2hrs some nights.....

I expect you are exhausted

Is there anyone else you could ask to have them for a day to give you a break?

If not.. maybe occasional paid childcare?

May not be doable but could save your sanity

red_devil

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I don't have any grand-children, but I told my son years ago that if he ever had any children, i would not look after them other than the occasional babysit or in an emergency.

I've done my bit, I don't need to do it again. I have my own life to lead.

Talk about no fun.

Lucky son (not)

go_cat

elff wrote: »

We are married and live together he is out the door at 730 and rarely gets home before 630 so for me its a very long day getting 3 kids up (they usally are by then anyway) fed 1 to school and entertaining two livley todlars all day hubby gets home he eats then the kids are bathed and bed twins at 730 4 yr old at 8.

One of the twins has some problems (hospital are investigating him) and does not sleep well at all ... can be only 2hrs some nights.....

Can he not give you a break at weekends even if its just for a couple of hours bonding time for him and relaxing time for you ?

Neeny82

I think the problem lies in the 'expectation' of what a Grandparent should do.

I personally would never expect my parents or hubby's parents to give up their own lives to look after my children. I know they will want to help out but I would never take that for granted.

Yes some of my friends have parents who help them out with childcare on a regular basis e.g - 7 hours a day, 3 days a week during the week and while that works well for them I know that it also would have it's downsides - for example if you needed a last minute babysitter on a weekend. I wouldn't really feel comfortable asking my mum and dad if they'd already cared for my child for 21 hours that week unpaid.

I think that having Grandparents who want to help out/spend time with the children is definately a luxury and is really nice but it's not something that I think you should expect as a matter of course.

We are expecting baby number 1 and have been overwhelmed by the generosity our parents have shown us in helping us get ready for the baby. An example is Mum and dad sent us a cheque (completely out of the blue) to help towards the pushchair last week and MIL turned up with a blanket and some baby socks last night - all of which is very lovely and we are very greatful for - but they will not be helping us out with childcare and I would never expect them too. We discussed what we would be doing before we decided to have a baby. I know things don't always go to plan and of course things happen that we don't plan for but as parents our children are our responsibility!

bargainbetty

My mum looked after my brother's kids while they were babies, three days a week. They are now 10 and 6, and she still picks them up from school those days, and looks after them till my SIL gets home. Over the last year, she has had a bad leg which has greatly reduced her mobility, and my elderly aunt and the other grandmother have all chipped in.

The reality is my mum is 70. She isn't some little old lady, but she is an older lady now. She told me outright five years ago that she would retire from babycare at 70, and do limited childcare only beyond that. I wouldn't dream of asking her for more, even though my brother got it - he had kids earlier, and it's been my choice not to have them so far. I certainly wouldn't expect her to handle three at once.

As for money, on the rare occasions over the last five years when I have needed money, mum has offered, but it has always been a loan and not a gift. I'm a grown woman who takes responsibility for myself - why should she feel obligated to help out with my debts?

I understand why you are miffed, but the answer to the question is fairly simple. Should grandparents help out? If they want to.

balletshoes

Apricot wrote: »

Not everyone's parents help out - sad but true. When I go back to work after having my baby it will have to go to nursery which Ill have to pay for because there is no one to look after my child - if you really want a job then you may have to put your children into a private nursery / childminder to be able to do this.

Maybe at your mums age she no longer feels she has the energy to be looking after children? Having 3 children 15 hours a week is a lot of hard work for someone who is young and fit - nevermind someone who is a lot older.

I think theres a huge difference between a gran/grandad offering to babysit for an hour or so and being responsible for the kids on a regular basis for days a week so mum or dad can go to work. Thats a seriously tying commitment, and I personally wouldn't be happy asking my mum to restrict her life so much to do that. I'd much rather pay for registered childcare for while I was working.

seven-day-weekend

red_devil wrote: »

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I don't have any grand-children, but I told my son years ago that if he ever had any children, i would not look after them other than the occasional babysit or in an emergency.

I've done my bit, I don't need to do it again. I have my own life to lead.

Talk about no fun.

Lucky son (not)

I don't really like doing 'kids' stuff'. Did it when my own son was small. I've done my duty.Don't see why I have to do it again.

I didn't say I wouldn't help in other ways.

elff

I dont want help all the time but there are times when i am truley exhausted from lack of sleep and contant screaming fits from my son.

Yet i still have to go through the day and get no peace....

thatgirlsam

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

red_devil wrote: »

I don't really like doing 'kids' stuff'. Did it when my own son was small. I've done my duty.Don't see why I have to do it again.

I didn't say I wouldn't help in other ways.

I really think thats fair enough

I plan to be a hands on Nan, but then I reallly love babies and children

brians_daughter

red_devil wrote: »

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I don't have any grand-children, but I told my son years ago that if he ever had any children, i would not look after them other than the occasional babysit or in an emergency.

I've done my bit, I don't need to do it again. I have my own life to lead.

Talk about no fun.

Lucky son (not)

But to many of us (me included) thats what being a granny should be about..enjoying the children on grannys terms, when they see fit. If the occassional babysit was a few hours a month whilst the parents went for a meal etc then i expect they would be over the moon with such help.

Red devil, your children and grandchildren (if you have any - sorry cant remember) are very lucky to have you 'on tap' so to speak but for many that isnt what they want to do...both grandparents and parents included