Should grandparents help out?

andrealm

liney wrote: »

There's regular childcare, and there's spending the day with Nanny. Two different things entirely, and if any of the Grandparents were so upset by the idea of having their Grandchild for the day or an odd afternoon here and there then i'd probably become very indifferent about our relationship if i'm honest. What kind of person declares they do not want to spend any unnecessary time with an extention of their own child?

I do think it strange when grandparents don't want to spend any time in the company of their grandchildren, sadly there are some like this. Not only do they not want to babysit, but they don't spend any time with them or take any interest at all really. It makes you wonder why they had children in the first place.

juliethemuse

yes i agree, it makes me sad to think my parents have missed out on so much, sure my grandson can be a little terror sometimes but i wouldnt want to miss out on his childhood one bit, - he'll be grown up all too soon,

seven-day-weekend

andrealm wrote: »

I do think it strange when grandparents don't want to spend any time in the company of their grandchildren, sadly there are some like this. Not only do they not want to babysit, but they don't spend any time with them or take any interest at all really. It makes you wonder why they had children in the first place.

They might have found bringing up their own children a bit of a chore, even though they loved them. They do not want to repeat the chore again!

You wouldn't rush round to do someone's hoovering when you could be doing something you enjoy, would you? Well to some people, spending time with little kids is as dull as that. Although they did what was necessary with their own children, they might not rush to repeat the experience with others.

If I had grandchildren, I would take great interest in them. I would care how they were being brought up and I would offer advice and support if asked. This does not mean that I would wish to look after them while the parents worked, nor that I would enjoy baby-sitting. I would do it occasionally.

pigpen

I do think it strange when grandparents don't want to spend any time in the company of their grandchildren, sadly there are some like this. Not only do they not want to babysit, but they don't spend any time with them or take any interest at all really. It makes you wonder why they had children in the first place.

My ex-Mil was widowed when her childen were 6, 5 and 13 months.. she had her mum move in with her to help raise her 3 children. Her mum had only had the one child who she had ill-equipped to deal with wiping her own bottom let alone anything else. She then sacrificed 10 years of her life to help raise her 3 grandchildren.

When XH and I had our children his mum had no experience of raising children as her mum raised hers, she also had no interest in raising children, looking after them or even being part of their lives. I still hope one day she will realise what she has missed out on and be sad.. but I know it won't happen because she doesn't care about them, or her own 3 for that matter.. I think she loves her 3 in some odd way but she doesn't care about any of them.

My mother just dislikes small children end of.. she disliked her own 3 children when they were small too and she prefers us all now we are adults.. maybe she will prefer my children when they are adults too..

Kate78

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

They might have found bringing up their own children a bit of a chore, even though they loved them. They do not want to repeat the chore again!

:T Well said Seven Day Weekend. It is a taboo to suggest that spending time with (grand) children is anything but fun or rewarding, but true in some cases.

seven-day-weekend

Kate78 wrote: »

:T Well said Seven Day Weekend. It is a taboo to suggest that spending time with (grand) children is anything but fun or rewarding, but true in some cases.

I don't think I would find it rewarding or fun. I would much rather sit in a cafe with a coffee, bun and newspaper, without interruptions!

Occasionally it might be good to go to the wildlife park or something, but then they always grizzle when it's time to go home, ungrateful little brats!:rotfl:

I certainly wouldn't want to stay in the house and play shops or do baking!

andrealm

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

They might have found bringing up their own children a bit of a chore, even though they loved them. They do not want to repeat the chore again!

You wouldn't rush round to do someone's hoovering when you could be doing something you enjoy, would you? Well to some people, spending time with little kids is as dull as that. Although they did what was necessary with their own children, they might not rush to repeat the experience with others.

If I had grandchildren, I would take great interest in them. I would care how they were being brought up and I would offer advice and support if asked. This does not mean that I would wish to look after them while the parents worked, nor that I would enjoy baby-sitting. I would do it occasionally.

No but as you have said you would take great interest in them, that's the important thing. I'm talking about grandparents (not in my own family) who take no interest in them at all. They don't offer any advice or support or ask after them, they're just not interested. That's what I find strange. I can understand that they may not really enjoy babysitting, but I think it's a bit odd that they have no interest at all in their own flesh and blood.

I also find it strange that some grandparents feel they have no choice but to look after grandchildren regularly while their parents work. I certainly wouldn't feel obliged to do it, and I'd give my children short shrift if I felt they took me for granted and expected me to drop everything to babysit, whenever they wanted. There are some who really take their parents for granted.

brians_daughter

It appears my MIL has been reading this thread... shes just rung up and asked can she have the children (ALL 3 of them) for the night tomorrow as she misses them.

we see her 2-3 times a week but we always play in company of each otheriykwim, like she will come round for a few hours and we will all bake, or all play shop - apart from the odd occassion maybe every 6 weeks or so where she will take the children independantly to the park, or the swimming baths.

teeni

red_devil wrote: »

you dont need to rest all day and every day? Surely it would be fun for her to take the twins sometimes but not all the time? You get out what you put in.

The point is it her choice to make, why shouldnt she watch tv if she wants to , she couldnt when she was working , and after all she has brought up her children , if daughter didnt wasnt the responsibility she should nt have had the children.

Newly_retired

I love my grandchildren to bits, but there is no way I would take on child care so that their mums could work. To be fair, they have never expected it.
I help out from time to time, either when requested or when I offer mostly for my daughter. I looked after her two at the beginning of this half term week, and loved it, but I am glad to be back home, doing not a lot at the moment.
I don't see much of my son's children as they are both at school and seem to have so many after school clubs etc - and I have a number of evening /weekend commitments too. They are away most of the holidays otherwise I would have been to see them this week. We are not very close, but get on well when we do see each other.
My daughter sometimes has a bit of a moan that none of the grandparents are nearby, but that's the way it is. I would be very happy to live nearer and be there if she needed me to have the children after school some evenings per week or the occasional overnight. But I would hate it if I was taken for granted.