Am I right to stop overnight access?

jamespir

you over reacting babies cry deal with it and what an earth is controlled crying ? babies cry cause they want something ie nappy changed food

nice to see the women slagging of dad just cause hes not the responsible one

puddy

you obviously havent read this thread properly and you've really done it now....

jamespir

puddy wrote: »

you obviously havent read this thread properly and you've really done it now....

i have and it makes thrilling reading you all ganging up on dad some suggest talking him to the cleaners he may not be perfect but at least hes having contact and taking care of his kids

sounds like mothers an emotional wreck cause shes not had much sleep and baby crying all night (its what most women go through )

shes seeing a hv whos clearly talking out of her backside

julie03

controlled crying does work if both parents are committed to it, and some babies just cry for attention and you cant give it 24/7, they have to learn to sleep on their own, some babies learn this quickly, some dont,

the op is just trying to find a solution and if that means dad not having baby overnight for a few weeks it will benefit everyone in the end, otherwise this could still be happening when this child is two

HellsGranny

Let's try to inject some balance here, we aren't talking about who provides what, or slagging off mothers or fathers, we are talking about the needs of a baby and an exhausted mother.

The baby needs to feel safe, warm, fed and comfortable, to achieve this he needs to establish a routine before he changes environment. Therefore, overnight stays with Dad should, temporarily be curtailed.
A six month old should not be subjected to this disruption.

As to the methods used, fashions in babycaring change regulary, and as long as the result is a happy baby, I really don't think it matters.

The Mum will get her sleep when the baby get into a routine, and she seems to be doing fine, but the routine gets disrupted when the Dad has him overnight.

The important one is the Baby, then Mum, who has his care the vast majority of the time, and lastly Dad, who is making a new life for himself.

CRANKY40

try this. http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/books/0071381392.php?nid=172&isbn=0071381392

jamespir

julie03 wrote: »

controlled crying does work if both parents are committed to it, and some babies just cry for attention and you cant give it 24/7, they have to learn to sleep on their own, some babies learn this quickly, some dont,

the op is just trying to find a solution and if that means dad not having baby overnight for a few weeks it will benefit everyone in the end, otherwise this could still be happening when this child is two

seems like dad should have the baby and mum have some rest is a better idea
and the controlled crying seems like a lot of tosh to me
if a baby is crying you attend it not ignore it

jamespir

HellsGranny wrote: »

Let's try to inject some balance here, we aren't talking about who provides what, or slagging off mothers or fathers, we are talking about the needs of a baby and an exhausted mother.

The baby needs to feel safe, warm, fed and comfortable, to achieve this he needs to establish a routine before he changes environment. Therefore, overnight stays with Dad should, temporarily be curtailed.
A six month old should not be subjected to this disruption.

As to the methods used, fashions in babycaring change regulary, and as long as the result is a happy baby, I really don't think it matters.

The Mum will get her sleep when the baby get into a routine, and she seems to be doing fine, but the routine gets disrupted when the Dad has him overnight.

The important one is the Baby, then Mum, who has his care the vast majority of the time, and lastly Dad, who is making a new life for himself.

accorfing to the op dad has kids 3 days a week with overnights so they share the care ok mum may do one extra day but the baby has only just started the controlled crying so you cant blame dad for disrupting it


what if it was dad who had suggested the controlled crying and the mother was the one disrupting it would you all have the same opinion i think not

motherkitty

I sympathise with the OP as my eldest was not a good sleeper and I know what hell that is. Once you let them get used to waking for feeds and attention in the night you have 'made a rod for your back' that is difficult to break. Did the controlled crying thing with my second which didn't take long to sort, even though i really hated the idea of it. If your baby cries you go and make things better don't you? Babies can be crafty little monkeys though! Surely it is best all round to get a routine established, it's not good for mum or baby to have very disturbed nights. OP must know her ex better than any of us and what kind of father he is. From what she says it sounds like he is a good father in some ways but not very responsible. Feeding the junk food is forgivable for a day or two, but teaching swearing and bad behaviour is something that will stick and OP is left to deal with it all once he has handed them back. He may not mind that he is up all night with the baby when he stays over but that is only one disturbed night a week for him - he can catch up on his sleep when the kids have gone back to mum! He sounds a bit selfish and just playing at being a parent to me. Real parenting is about what is best for your children, and he must be able to see that destroying routines and teaching bad behaviour is not what is best for his kids. Does he get much benefit from having the children overnight anyway? Surely it would be best for him to just have them in the day so he can enjoy the time he does have with them?

SingleMumOf2_3

Thank you for the link (sorry forgot your username already), had a quick read and I did actually do a little of that last night within the controlled crying (picked him up and cuddled him until he was half asleep then put him in cot and off he went).
Anyway.. feeling tons better this morning, as we are getting closer to routine again. He went to bed at 7pm.. took me over half an hour to get him to sleep. Didnt follow cc properly as couldnt cope leaving him crying like that, so we had cuddles instead until he was almost asleep and then was put in his cot half awake as he drifted off.
He then didn't wake until 12.30pm which was wonderful (silly me should of taken advice and gone to bed lol). So he had a bottle at 12.30.. woke again at 2am.. so I just gave him cuddles and put him back and he went back to sleep after 5 minutes. at 4am he woke again so I gave him another bottle.
But he woke at 7am full of smiles and wanting to play.. rather than crying and tired and unsettled.
So.. fingers crossed it works out again tonight The thing is dad could have him overnight and easily follow the routine.. he doesnt have to let him cry. Can pick him up and cuddle him until almost asleep etc. Its the not giving milk I need him to not do. I am going to let him have baby just in the day this week (until an hour before bedtime).. then by next week he shouldnt have to do much work in the night to stick to the routine.

Thank you for all your support last night. And to those having a go, I am just going to ignore your comments