Am I right to stop overnight access?

ClareEmily

Soz haven't read all of this, have sleeping 4 month baby on me (ironic).

Why don't you let dad look after both children for an entire week, he will soon be begging you to teach him this method, OR he will find equally good one.

It will do you good to have a few nights to get some shut eye yourself.

I hope we don't have a similar problem later on as I can not bear to just let my baby cry, breaks my heart.

Remember that just over a year a go you loved this man enough to make a baby with him, maybe give him some slack this is his child too.

skintchick

OP, I'll stay out of the CC debate as I personally disagree with CC and CIO, but I will say this, as a mum of an 18 month old who still wakes a good three or more times in the night, I do understand how debilitating lack of sleep is, especially if you have to get up and go to work. I'm a SAHM so If I'm really knackered I can decide to have an easy day (which ironically involves being out all day cos that way DD is amused by other people/toddler group/cafe/ducks and is less hard work for me).

Do have a good look at the No Cry Sleep Solution as there will be ideas that will work for you. Well I say that, none of it worked for us but I'm assured it usually does! And talk to your ex about what methods he might use when he has baby - if he doesn;t want to do Cc (and I totally understand why he might not) then would he do some of the things in NCSS so you can still make some progress on the night wakings?

We just go with cosleeping and breastfeeding back to sleep, but then I'm a lentil-weaving mama and happy to let sleep sort itself out eventually, although I hope to nightwean over hte coming months as I'm pregnant again and would like to not be feeding a newborn AND a toddler at night, in the day I think I'll be fine but not overnight!

See, we just find what works for us, but do allow your ex to find HIS own way too, in a way that hopefully works with what youre doing.

shellsuit

Oh Skinty, Congratulations!!! :T

You just picked on something in your post too that I hadn't thought of ~ maybe Dad doesn't like to do the CC because he feels it's mean? It's not for everyone is it ~ I didn't do it with any of my 3 as I couldn't bear to just listen to them cry.

skintchick

shellsuit wrote: »

Oh Skinty, Congratulations!!! :T

You just picked on something in your post too that I hadn't thought of ~ maybe Dad doesn't like to do the CC because he feels it's mean? It's not for everyone is it ~ I didn't do it with any of my 3 as I couldn't bear to just listen to them cry.

Thanks

Yeah, I couldn't do it but mainly because of what I've read it does to their brain development (read Why love Matters by Sue Gerhardt).

But yes, dad may well feel he simply cannot do it that way, and that is a valid viewpoint which needs working through so they can find a way forward together. Just saying his view doesn;t count is a recipe for arguments.

Buttonmoons

I found the Pick up/put down routine in the baby whisperer very good and very effective. Plus I thought it was very mean to leave a baby to howl, they don't understand. But each to their own

skintchick

Buttonmoons wrote: »

I found the Pick up/put down routine in the baby whisperer very good and very effective. Plus I thought it was very mean to leave a baby to howl, they don't understand. But each to their own

I tried that, but there was nothing in the book to say what to do if the baby DIDN'T stop crying when picked up!! So I used to just chuck her on the boob and if that didn;t work, Daddy would rock her. Some babies just haven;t read the books I guess!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

and if they still wail when they've been cuddled, rocked, fed, watered, changed, sung to, etc, (and are not ill/teething/windy) the only solution is to put them down and go back to bed for five minutes before going back to them. Often, they will just go to sleep within 3 minutes, as they really just needed to be left alone.

Tiddlywinks

My main thought when reading the OP's posts was how many times she refers to 'allowing' her ex access etc. Many of her posts use 'allow', 'allowed' etc. I think that she is using this issue and access in general to exercise a bit of power over her ex.

skintchick

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

and if they still wail when they've been cuddled, rocked, fed, watered, changed, sung to, etc, (and are not ill/teething/windy) the only solution is to put them down and go back to bed for five minutes before going back to them. Often, they will just go to sleep within 3 minutes, as they really just needed to be left alone.

I disagree. My solution was to hold her till she was happy and settled. I have never left her to cry, and she is nearly 19 months now. CC is NOT the only solution.