termination or single parent? PLEASE HELP

davsidipp

Mizz_Pink wrote:

I didnt regret it, nor did I feel guilty for a long time. It was a decision I made and I got on with my life afterwards.

the same feelings here spoke with daughter last night about her termination she had two weeks ago how she felt she said she felt fine and was relieved it was all over did she feel guilty no mum she said i would have felt more guilty having a baby and not wanting to look after it which to those people who say you can have it adopted im afraid every woman has a choice and its their choice what they do.

hobo28

Mizz_Pink wrote:

I didnt regret it, nor did I feel guilty for a long time. It was a decision I made and I got on with my life afterwards.

I would guess though that part of you will always wonder "what if......"

There is no right or wrong answer here.

normallysomeoneelse

Barginbarmy, - what fire - what consequences?

What about all the children that are currently in foster care waiting for a new family - how about we start with them.

I am also sure the debate about carrying a child for 9 months, the wider impact on your family and friends, economic issues, childbirth, handing the child over to social services, dealing with your post natal emotions and the potential for that child to find you in later life - is as I sure others will agree a very different debate.

Mizz_Pink

hobo28 wrote:

I would guess though that part of you will always wonder "what if......"

There is no right or wrong answer here.

Oh god yes, I wonder if my hubby would of been so interested if I had a 1 year old in tow, I wonder if I could of managed as I soon moved out of home and rented with my sister, I wonder if the Dad and I would of still been freinds and got on with each other and I, of course wonder what it would of looked like !

Ive had 2 readings by a medium and both times she has bought up my 'loss' and told me it was a boy and he is a 'helper' on the other side. That did freak me out a bit !

elisebutt65

I feel I have to post here. I'm not going to change my name, I'm not proud of what I did, but neither an I mortally ashamed.

20 years ago(last month) i had a termination. I was pressured into it by by then BF. I thought I had no regrets for about 9 years and then I had my first son, followed by my second 6 years ago.

Every year on his due date and the anniversary of that awful night I cry! I have so many regrets at what i did to this poor little boy. I was nearly up to the limit for a legal termination and had to go through labour after a saline injection and then a D & C. And I had to 'give birth' into a commode. They told me not to look, but I did - so I know he was a little boy and occasionally I still have flashes of that terrible night.

I wish I had had the courage to stand up to that bully then and to realise that your life is not over when you become a single mother. My 2 boys are the lights of my life and even when I have had bouts of depression, thoughts of them keep me going.

I am crying even as I type this. Please tell her to find as independent a counsellor as she can. She, or any of you other posters may not feel regrets for years to come, or even ever for that matter, but if she does then it will be the most awful thing in the world.

If she really can't face being a mother, then let her give this wonderful gift to someone else who can't have their own. I really sound like one of the anti A brigade now, but I'm just speaking from experience, so please don't flame me.

davsidipp

elisebutt65 wrote:

I feel I have to post here. I'm not going to change my name, I'm not proud of what I did, but neither an I mortally ashamed.

20 years ago(last month) i had a termination. I was pressured into it by by then BF. I thought I had no regrets for about 9 years and then I had my first son, followed by my second 6 years ago.

Every year on his due date and the anniversary of that awful night I cry! I have so many regrets at what i did to this poor little boy. I was nearly up to the limit for a legal termination and had to go through labour after a saline injection and then a D & C. And I had to 'give birth' into a commode. They told me not to look, but I did - so I know he was a little boy and occasionally I still have flashes of that terrible night.

I wish I had had the courage to stand up to that bully then and to realise that your life is not over when you become a single mother. My 2 boys are the lights of my life and even when I have had bouts of depression, thoughts of them keep me going.

I am crying even as I type this. Please tell her to find as independent a counsellor as she can. She, or any of you other posters may not feel regrets for years to come, or even ever for that matter, but if she does then it will be the most awful thing in the world.

If she really can't face being a mother, then let her give this wonderful gift to someone else who can't have their own. I really sound like one of the anti A brigade now, but I'm just speaking from experience, so please don't flame me.

hi im so sorry of your situation and if my daughter had have been a lot later in the pregnancy then it would have been a different matter but i think if the pregnancy is early it makes it a little easier. i can understand how you feel as it sounded awlfull what you went through but it was right at the time .however i do think late abortions need looking at ,how sad to have to go through what you went through to see a perfectly formed human being, it has made me think quite hard on this matter but i still think early terminations are right if you are not ready for a child.

Crispy_Ambulance

bargainbarmy wrote:

Anybody who has an aborton will probably regret it afterwards and will live with guilt for a long time. If a baby is not wanted why not put it up for adoption. There are so many childless couples who would love and care for it.

The old adage rings true about playing with fire ...you have to accept the consequences.

I think this is an incredibly judgemental and cruel thing to say. Accidents happen - all the time. Very few methods of contraception are 100% effective and even sensible grown ups get pregnant without wanting to. At least half of all the women who terminate pregnancies already have children.

There is no evidence that all women who terminate pregnancies are wracked with guilt afterwards. Most women regret that they had to make the decision, but not the termination itself. Women who go through this need support not judgement.

Torry_Quine

You can only be there for here. However I would strongly encourage her to contact CARE at careconfidential.com as they have a network of groups and people who can help. the consequences of a termination can be immense so she must think hard before going down this route

bella4uk

The thing with making a descision here is that there is very little time to do this...she needs to decide NOW .....She has had a few days and every day counts.
Regretting having a baby is sad but chances are she won't.
People who say women have a choice, this is not entirely true, yes you can have one but the law says it has to be detrimental to the womens health and well-being, not just that the time is not right or the man has gone awol.
If she can hand on heart say she took her precautions wisely and /or it really will make her ill then it could be justified. But not wanting to be a single mum, especially in this day and age is wrong, 30 years ago the shame would make people ill but not now.

FZwanab

My best friend in school had an abortion at age 17, the bf was 35 separated man( which turned out to be a lie). I tried to disuade her from going through with it, she never told her mum she was pregnant. She felt ok about it for a while , then became completely wracked with guilt and regret. She sounded very like that lady who cries every year on the anniversary of the baby that was.Her mum was devestated when she found out and said she could have brought the baby up herself as she had another son about age 5 at the time. In the end my friend started to hate men because of all the trauma she had been through, she now bats for the other side and unless she has artificial insemination or adopts will never have another child. I am not suggesting the op will change direction, its just a story of my friend. There was another girl in my class at the time who also found out she was pregnant, she went on to have the child and three more by the same boyfriend (now husband). I am not suggesting that could happen either, very unlikely, but just the way different lives pan out by decisions people make.