Am i being a right cow?

JodyBPM

balletshoes wrote: »

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i was with you right up til that last part - because its not a family party at all - its a party for her school friends.

Oops, fair enough (assuming that grandma/grandad/other uncles and aunts/cousins etc weren't invited - but if grandma & co weren't invited, how would they even know about it?)

But still, her mother is not deliberately trying to be obtrustive - I think she is just trying to stand up for her disabled son. As I said before, I don't actually think its necessarily appropriate for him to come, but hammering down on someone for wanting to give the best to their disabled son, labelling them manipulative etc, doesn't sit right with me.

The only thing I see here from the mother, is a devoted mother who is trying to do the best for her adult disabled child. Unfortuately that is, misguidedly, at the detriment of her other child and her grandchild, so it does need to be addressed. But sensitively.

onlyroz

Your brother's disability or age is irrelevant. You don't want him at your daughter's party, and your mother has no right to go against your wishes. I agree with the other poster who said you need to state calmly to your mum that your brother isn't invited. No arguments, and certainly don't listen to any tantrums.

GEEGEE8

JodyBPM wrote: »

The only thing I see here from the mother, is a devoted mother who is trying to do the best for her adult disabled child. Unfortuately that is, misguidedly, at the detriment of her other child and her grandchild, so it does need to be addressed. But sensitively.

But she is a mother to the OP as well, and also a grandmother.

She can't just do what she thinks is right and sod everyone else.

OP, I agree that you should move the party and arrange a family party at another time to suit your mum and brother..

Why would the brother want to see a load of young kids having fun, when he can't? It's a bit unfair on him in that respect.

Dave101t

well, i can think of no better way to introduce kids to the differences between us and mentally challenged people. it would help them accept these people later in life to be exposed earlier, you could be doing them a favour.

on the other hand, if he really does always ruin thing, well its not his party is it?

shellsuit

Dave101t wrote: »

well, i can think of no better way to introduce kids to the differences between us and mentally challenged people. it would help them accept these people later in life to be exposed earlier, you could be doing them a favour.

on the other hand, if he really does always ruin thing, well its not his party is it?

Oh Yes because I could see that going down really well. :cool:

A room full of 5 year olds. A mentally disabled chap going off on one.

If the kids don't have a good time because they have been scared witless, then at least it was a learning excercise for them.

Get real.


Do you know how scary things like that are for a child when they are that age?? I have a mentally disabled Uncle and when I was little my Dad took me once or twice to see him. I was scared sh!tless! I didn't understand why he made noises, why he rocked back and forth, why he spoke like a baby, why he drooled etc etc...

5 years old is far too young to be introduced to that. Especially at a friends bday party!!

GEEGEE8

She won't have many friends by the time it comes to next years party if he kicks off.

Sambucus_Nigra

Dave101t wrote: »

well, i can think of no better way to introduce kids to the differences between us and mentally challenged people.

Honestly?

No better way?

I think you need to do a little more thinking, you obviously aren't very good at it!

Mojisola

Dave101t wrote: »

well, i can think of no better way to introduce kids to the differences between us and mentally challenged people. it would help them accept these people later in life to be exposed earlier, you could be doing them a favour.

JC9297 wrote: »

My eldest son has a learning disability and we always had him looked after when my younger son had parties as it was about the youngest son and his friends enjoying themselves. Generally if we think he will enjoy things we do things that include him, but it has always been important that our younger son never misses out on things or they are spoilt, because of him. We were always aware that his behaviour could be frightening to younger children and we encouraged our younger sons friends to meet and get used to him at home (one at a time), just explaining that he might be a bit noisy or whatever.

My son is now 18 and there is no way I would take him to a 5 year olds party.

I don't think a party with 30 over-excited 5 year olds is a good way to introduce kids to someone with these problems. Far better to follow JC9297's way and let the child's friends meet her uncle in a calm, controlled environment at home. That way they are more likely to learn to accept someone with disabilities rather than be scared of him.

globetraveller

vodooelephant wrote: »

If i could i would cut all contact with my family -they bring me nothing but heatache.....

In the scheme of things the party is perhaps just the final straw for you. You used the word "family"- so is it more than just your mum and brother?
If you really feel as you do then you have nothing to lose. You need to sit down with her and tell her how she makes you feel. Don't discuss the party- its far more than that. Tell her your relationship has to change and what YOU want from it. Tell her this discussion is taking place because you are at the brink of severing all contact. Let her cry and whatever else she does to gain control. Sometimes you have to let people hit the bottom on their own to realise what they are throwing away.

And- as its a weekend the party is on- see if the venue can bring it forward a couple of hours. You can always tell parents they had a double booking. If your mother decides to not heed your conversation then its probably the only way you can ensure SHE doesn't ruin your day- as it will be her, your brother isn't at fault as he can't choose how to behave.

Good luck!

Wilma33

Could you have a "no family" rule at the party for school friends? Then you are not excluding your brother, you are excluding all family. Or do you have sister(s) who is going to be of practical help to you during the party. If not, ban them all!

Assuming your dad the one who would be doing the long drive to pick up your bother, then I would focus your efforts on making him see sense and give up on reasoning with your mum.