Am i being a right cow?

vodooelephant

Morning

Bit of an dilema really...

My DD is going to have her 5th b'day party soon - We have hired a hall and bouncy castle etc...she has invited quite a few of her school friends.... She has just started school last yr.

Here's the problem...

I have a mentall disabled brother who is 36 and my mother will insist on him comming to her party....

I remember most of my own and my sisters party's being ruined by his actions (he tends to 'kick off' if he isn't getting his own way. Shouting head banging etc.. it can be quite intimerdating). I also believe he can be quite scary to a 5 yr old especially if they havent experianced this behaviour before. Alot of the parents will just drop kids off so I will be responsiable for them.

I have suguested maybee a 'family trip' out to the farm to celerbate my daughters b'day but my mother will not have it.

I do not want my DD to have her party ruined (and tbh i dont want to explain my brothers behaviour to all the mums / potential new friends) - As well as take charge of 30+ 5yr olds....

How can i get her to see reason.. I can say no but she will more than likely bring him anyway....

Any Suguestions?

skylight

Aww. Not a nice position to be in.

As much as you love your brother, I personally would be insisting that he doesn't come. And yes, it sounds cruel but you are going to have a stressful enough day as it is. And would he be happy with 30 odd 5yos in a strange place anyway?

brians_daughter

oh difficult one here. Could your brother (and i assume your mum if shes bringing him) not come later on? So say party is 3-5 could they not come at 4.15 so its not too much for him, your dd or her friends? That way if parents are staying you could gently inform them (if you see fit) of your brothers condition and what to expect when he attends the party later on?

Triker

You are very much within your rights to say that you do not wish your brother to be there.

It is one thing for grown adults to be able to cope with violent and distressing behaviour but not for children.

Be clear with your Mum, this is not about your brother and her, its about your daughters birthday and her friends having a lovely time where they won't be upset, worried and scared because a grown-up may have some kind of episode. If your Mum cannot accept that...well then I'm afraid I'd have to ban her too.

Good luck. x

lauren_1

no your not, far from it.

I would stand your ground with your mum, its a kids party and yes he is her uncle but you know first hand what it feels like when something is ruined by him. Its your daughters party, your paying quite possibly an arm and a leg for it so your say is final.

Good luck

Apricot

Not at all. I would be tempted to not even mention the fact that your DD is having a party if your mother doesn't already know. If she does know make it clear that your brother is not invited, it is not fair on your daughter or indeed her friends to have a grown man come who may or may not spoil her birthday party.

pinkclouds

This is a small child's birthday party. It's a group of small kids playing pass-the-parcel, eating junk food and looking forward to party bags. It's not normal for any other family members to turn up unless they are adults assisting with the hosting or younger/older siblings without a babysitter. Even if your brother was in perfect health, I wouldn't be expecting him to turn up as a guest. And for a group of 4-5 year olds, I'd actually expect the parents to stay so the venue is going to be very crowded.

Sambucus_Nigra

vodooelephant wrote: »

I have a mentall disabled brother who is 36 and my mother will insist on him comming to her party....

Insist on him not.

It's her party and a grown man [to all intents and purposes to the other attendees] going off on one will possibly frighten the little ones and your DD might never live it down.

Have a separate family gathering afterwards or the next day.

emsywoo123

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Insist on him not.

It's her party and a grown man [to all intents and purposes to the other attendees] going off on one will possibly frighten the little ones and your DD might never live it down.

Have a separate family gathering afterwards or the next day.

Totally agree with this post and others. I have a 7 year old DD, and I am surprised that at 4/5 most mums will drop and leave with such a big group, unless you requested it? At that age, probably about 60-70% of mums stayed, if only for a good gossip

vodooelephant

At my Daughters 4th b'day party only 3 mums stayed from 22 and 2 were over 1/2 hour late collecting their kids:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:

(my brother lived in Wales last year)

chaosweddings

i totally agree with the other posters,

I took my son to a friends sons party and her disabled brother who is in his late 30's was there too, to begin with everything was ok, but about a hour in to the party the brother started screaming and rocking and throwing whatever he could get his hands on, he even pulled a young girls hair and spitting and his mum said " looks like john is having fun "

i understand he didnt know what he was doing but alot of the 5/6 year old were crying and wanted to go home

i hoep you can get it sorted and hope your dd has a wonderful party