Am i being a right cow?

maryotuam

I agree that it's totally unreasonable of your Mum to expect your disabled brother who obviously has behaviour problems, attends a little girl's birthday. I imagine she has put your brother's needs above yours all your life and that's not fair.
Stand up to her, for your daughter's sake if not for your own. Your mother has obviously used emotional blackmail on you over the years. How dare she dictate what you do! Hold your ground as you are very much in the right.

Gavin83

I wouldn't under any circumstances let him attend the party and if your mum has trouble accepting this or your worried she'll bring
him anyway let her know she isn't welcome either.

Tropez

I would say he can't come.

Depending on how your mother is likely to react, upsetting your mother is likely a lot less of a problem than traumatising a bunch of little children and having your daughter ostracised by her classmates having just started school.

Reggie_Rebel

No you aren't.

If your mum insists on bringing him then shame on her.

Your daughter and her friends will not be happy if your brother causes problems and your mum should remember your brother is not causing these problems he's causes them because it's the only way he can communicate that he's in a stressful situation and not comfortable.

Your mum can't enjoy putting your brother in stressful situations can she?

Threebabes

No I dont think you are being unreasonable. 5 year olds might be a bit afraid if he has an outburst. Could you have a little birthday tea at home and invite them to that?

jcr16

i think your being very reasonable.

it doens't mean you don't love your brother, but i think it unfair of your mum to bring him when you have expressed that she doesn't.

soupdragon10

I think you need to make it clear to your mother that this is your daughters party for her friends and NOT a family party.

I can't understand why she is insisting your brother attends anyway - it seems completely bizzare that she wants him to come to be honest, its a party for small children.

I know when I gave parties for my daughter some of the mums would stay (wine and nibbles plus gossip), but most were happy to leave, and keeping an eye on a group of small children is stressful in itself.

Be firm and don't let your mother force you to do anything you don't want - you are paying for this so you should have the say so on who is invited.

madjay

Have you ever though that your mum wants to see her granddaughter's birthday Party, would your Sisters be going? if so I assume your mother looks after your Brother if so, as you know it would be very hard for mother to find so one to look after him for a while. I know I have a disabled son that even family members will not look after him. I can under your stituation, but not one can tell you what to do but children understand a lot more than you think even at 5. Why don't you ask your DD if she wants him there or wants to to some think special with him on another day. Then you can tell you mother what DD wants. It her day when comes down to it..

pupsicola

vodooelephant wrote: »

Morning

Bit of an dilema really...

My DD is going to have her 5th b'day party soon - We have hired a hall and bouncy castle etc...she has invited quite a few of her school friends.... She has just started school last yr.

Here's the problem...

I have a mentall disabled brother who is 36 and my mother will insist on him comming to her party....

I remember most of my own and my sisters party's being ruined by his actions (he tends to 'kick off' if he isn't getting his own way. Shouting head banging etc.. it can be quite intimerdating). I also believe he can be quite scary to a 5 yr old especially if they havent experianced this behaviour before. Alot of the parents will just drop kids off so I will be responsiable for them.

I have suguested maybee a 'family trip' out to the farm to celerbate my daughters b'day but my mother will not have it.

I do not want my DD to have her party ruined (and tbh i dont want to explain my brothers behaviour to all the mums / potential new friends) - As well as take charge of 30+ 5yr olds....

How can i get her to see reason.. I can say no but she will more than likely bring him anyway....

Any Suguestions?

Why as an adult are you so governed by what your mum wants? Its not up to her to dictate to you about who is invited to your childs birthday party. You have very valid reasons for wanting to do something seperate with family to celebrate your little ones birthday. She is just being very stubborn and not wanting to see this situation from anyone elses point of view. You cant railroad people like that.

Will it be your mother comforting any kids your brother upsets and explaining it all to their parents? Somehow I doubt it. If I were you I would stand my ground. You dont want to look back on the party a few days later and feel like it was ruined.

From a parents point of view I would not be happy leaving my 5 year old at a party where there was an unpredictable adult, who I had no knowledge of. I know he would be scared if he saw someone "kicking off" as you describe.

Mojisola

vodooelephant wrote: »

I have suguested maybee a 'family trip' out to the farm to celerbate my daughters b'day but my mother will not have it.

I do not want my DD to have her party ruined (and tbh i dont want to explain my brothers behaviour to all the mums / potential new friends) - As well as take charge of 30+ 5yr olds....

You're not trying to cut him out of your family life - you've offered an alternative which presumably he would find less stressful. An excited group of 30+ 5 year olds is enough to stress anyone out!

You're going to have to stand up to your Mum and it probably won't be nice for you.