Am i being a right cow?

vodooelephant

madjay wrote: »

Have you ever though that your mum wants to see her granddaughter's birthday Party, would your Sisters be going? if so I assume your mother looks after your Brother mother what DD wants. It her day when comes down to it..

My brother lives in a residential care home - he comes back 'home' every other weekend... I timed party so it wouldn't be 'his' weekend but they (mum &dad) will just go and collect him.

paddy's_mum

If my 5 year old came home and told me that she had been terrified by a predictable episode of such behaviour and the OP had not advised/asked my permission for my child to have contact with him, I would be livid beyond belief. What's more, I would hold the OP completely responsible and find it difficult to even speak to her again.

The mother in this needs her backside kicked on several counts. She has no right whatever to inflict such a (potential) betrayal of normal standards upon her own grand-daughter. She has no right that I can see to dictate the actions of her daughter's family and she has no right whatosever to dictate what my child shall see/experience/suffer/be subjected to!

The concepts behind tolerance/understanding of the less able among us is one thing but it cannot be allowed to over-rule the rights of the parents of a child to make decisions as to the welfare of that child. If the disability was an uncontrollable urge to sexually assault any female coming within arms reach, would Mum be quite so quick to insist that he attend the occasion?

I'LL decide what experiences my child has, thank you very much!!

madjay

[QUOTE=Bloomin_Freezing2;If_she_just_turns_up_with_your_brother_anyway,_she_is_very_selfish_and_needs_telling_so.[/QUOTE]

She may have no one to look after him while she went to her Granddaughter party. They may come as a pair

Mojisola

vodooelephant wrote: »

My brother lives in a residential care home - he comes back 'home' every other weekend... I timed party so it wouldn't be 'his' weekend but they (mum &dad) will just go and collect him.

You are going to have to put your foot down, very hard. You have done everything possible to arrange things well and she is determined to sabotage your arrangements.

Your brother wouldn't know about the party as it's not being held on his weekend home so he's not going to be upset. Your mother could come and enjoy her grand-daughter's party on her own so she's not missing out.

You're not being a cow - she's being unreasonable.

pupsicola

Ask your mum what she would do if one of his outbursts resulted in one of the kids attending the party getting hurt. If she thinks about it from that way you may find she will back down.

Apricot

madjay wrote: »

She may have no one to look after him while she went to her Granddaughter party. They may come as a pair

It says above OP timed the party for a weekend where her brother would be in residential care.

Im sorry OP but it absolutely disgusts me that your mother thinks that she can disregard your views on this matter. Would your father be anymore understanding? You have done everything to be accomodating - I would tell her that if she disregards your wishes she will never be informed of your DD having a party again thus losing her own opportunity to attend.

vodooelephant

Apricot wrote: »

Are you going to stand up to her OP?

I will try - she has a history of clinical depression and is diasbled wheelchair due to cronic arthirtus sp? she choses not to leave the house most of the time and gets people to run around her as she is 'not well'.......

If i say anything she genrally burst into tears.....

I am currentley ignoring her after she insisted all of my sons 'problems' result from the fact i cuddle him to much
(one of twins - he is being investigated for screaming fits / epilepsy and a genetic condition......had eeg mri and several scans but no.. its because i pick him up when he crys....)

If i could i would cut all contact with my family -they bring me nothing but heatache..... but then theres my brother... and it has been drummed into us all our lives that he is our responability .......

I WILL NOT have my daughter feeling like that... I may just change venue and day.... put on some strechy jeans and bounce around on the castle with the kids I may even get hubby to make me my very own party bag...... with vodka

skylight

I like the sound of those party bags! Can I come?????

Mojisola

vodooelephant wrote: »

I will try - she has a history of clinical depression and is diasbled wheelchair due to cronic arthirtus sp? she choses not to leave the house most of the time and gets people to run around her as she is 'not well'.......

If i say anything she genrally burst into tears.....

I am currentley ignoring her after she insisted all of my sons 'problems' result from the fact i cuddle him to much
(one of twins - he is being investigated for screaming fits / epilepsy and a genetic condition......had eeg mri and several scans but no.. its because i pick him up when he crys....)

If i could i would cut all contact with my family -they bring me nothing but heatache..... but then theres my brother... and it has been drummed into us all our lives that he is our responability .......

I WILL NOT have my daughter feeling like that... I may just change venue and day.... put on some strechy jeans and bounce around on the castle with the kids I may even get hubby to make me my very own party bag...... with vodka

I almost posted something about emotional blackmail earlier but didn't as you hadn't mentioned anything. This post just shows what an experienced manipulator your mother is!

For the sake of your children, you'll have to start standing up to her. You're in for a rough ride but it will be worth it.

paddy's_mum

Mojisola wrote: »

she is determined to sabotage your arrangements.


You're not being a cow - she's being unreasonable.

Totally and heartily agree with this pov.

Mother needs to have it rammed home to her that sometimes it's not physical injury that is important. Far, far more damaging is the possible scar to the mind and irreparable damage to a child's trust that could so easily result from an episode of disturbed behaviour.

I don't envy you OP but my view is that you MUST stop this in its tracks since the potential for damage on every front is so great. Good luck.