Question about the death process. (Factual thread so pls don't read if sensitive)

aliasojo

Got another question?

When people die in hospital, they often go in the chapel of rest. What happens if 3 people all die at the same time? Surely they don't all lie in the chapel of rest together?

I wouldn't like to think I'd be surrounded by dead bodies if I decided to visit. I don't like any dead bodies, they scare me....even if I was related to one of them.

When my Mum died, she was taken by the undertaker almost straight away so I've never had cause to think about this before.

Beamish, that sounds a fine way to go, I think I'd be happy to go like that and it's certainly easier on the rest of the family.

looby75

aliasojo wrote: »

Got another question?

When people die in hospital, they often go in the chapel of rest. What happens if 3 people all die at the same time? Surely they don't all lie in the chapel of rest together?

I wouldn't like to think I'd be surrounded by dead bodies if I decided to visit. I don't like any dead bodies, they scare me....even if I was related to one of them.

When my Mum died, she was taken by the undertaker almost straight away so I've never had cause to think about this before.

Beamish, that sounds a fine way to go, I think I'd be happy to go like that and it's certainly easier on the rest of the family.

at the hospital here you have to arrange to go and see the deceased and the staff arrange for the body to be there when you are, you won't be surrounded by anyone else's loved ones bodies.

So sorry to read about your loss.

Savvy_Sue

aliasojo wrote: »

Got another question?

When people die in hospital, they often go in the chapel of rest. What happens if 3 people all die at the same time? Surely they don't all lie in the chapel of rest together?

I wouldn't like to think I'd be surrounded by dead bodies if I decided to visit. I don't like any dead bodies, they scare me....even if I was related to one of them.

When my Mum died, she was taken by the undertaker almost straight away so I've never had cause to think about this before.

I think if you ask you'll be told to make an appt to go and see them. In other words they are moved to the chapel of rest for viewings but not left there all the time.

we were told we could see Dad at the hospital if we made an appointment, but that it would be a 'softer' experience if we waited until he was at the undertakers.

As it was, that took a while, so we didn't go and see him there either. It was one of those situations where I was going to go with Mum because I thought she wanted to go, but actually she was only going because she thought I wanted to go ...

Anyway, sorry for your loss, aliasojo.

LisaLou1982

So sorry to hear about your sad news Jo.....my heart goes out to you, it really does.

For want of a better way of putting it, all of the bodies in the hospital go into the fridge before they are released to the undertakers. If you want to see her, you can make an appointment with the chapel and they will get her ready for you so that she is dressed and on her own

I 100% understand your feeling on seeing a dead person - i saw my nan in the chapel of rest at the hospital and have never been so frightened. I was about 22 at the time i think. She didnt look horrible or anything, she just didnt look like my nan if that makes sense. I was there when both my dad and granddad passed away and both looked extremely peaceful but once theyd passed over it was like they werent here anymore and i just wanted to go.

Savvy_Sue

LisaLou1982 wrote: »

For want of a better way of putting it, all of the bodies in the hospital go into the fridge before they are released to the undertakers.

I was trying to avoid putting it like that!

From what I've seen on Silent Witness etc, each body gets its own completely sealed 'shelf' or drawer in the fridge, so they're not all lying around together there either. I don't know if that helps or not ...

aliasojo

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

I was trying to avoid putting it like that!

From what I've seen on Silent Witness etc, each body gets its own completely sealed 'shelf' or drawer in the fridge, so they're not all lying around together there either. I don't know if that helps or not ...

It's ok SS, I need facts. I deal much better with facts than anything else. Anything I don't know, I'll just make up and it will be much worse then.

I've often thought things like this would be less scary and off putting if we all knew exactly what went on at every stage then it would just all be matter of fact, iyswim.

I saw my Mum and Dad dead when I was much younger and had nightmares for 2 years afterwards. I wondered if I would cope better now I'm older but have decided I wouldn't . I've decided I'm not going to go and see her.

I've also just warned my lot that on no account am I to be left by myself with other dead people when I go. Lord knows how they'll get round that one.

RAS

aliasjo

The answer is that it rather depends on the size of the place and how fast the family act regarding undertakers.

I used to work next to the hospital mortuary, so used to see quite a lot.

Sometimes the undertakers are notified and able to move the body very quickly, so it may be removed straight into their care.

On other occasions, when people need time to make arrangments, the body is moved to the mortuary. As Savvy_Sue says, they are refridgerated. Imagine something like a row of giant filing cabinets, with a drawer for each person.

The undertaker's have similiar but smaller facilities, so when you see people there, they tend to be rather colder than you expect if you touch them.

In both cases, if you want to see someone, they can arrange to move them into the chapel of rest.

belfastgirl23

I actually always find it comforting to see someone's body, but then being Irish we have far more of a tradition of it and it's regarded as 'normal' to do so. I know I've always found it comforting that the person is so clearly not 'there'. It certainly makes the whole burial process much easier if you know that you are effectively burying a sort of overcoat rather than the person you loved (if that makes sense). I know also with my much loved grandmother, having time on my own with her body felt very special and important. I didn't have that time with my grandad when he passed for various reasons and I sort of felt like I missed out a bit on the chance to just be at peace with him for a few minutes.

That said, I don't know for sure how I'd feel about a parent, sibling or partner...although I know for sure I couldn't bury them without seeing them first.

But each to their own, there are no rules of death and you should do whatever feels right for you alisajo!

Errata

Some time ago I had to formally identify before a PM was carried out someone who was in the hospital mortuary.
The mortuary attendants made the person as presentable as they could, and the person was in a body bag on a trolley in a room on their own. I only saw their face and I had excellent support from the Coroner's Officer.
A very close relative died a couple of weeks ago and the hospital seemed quite surprised that I didn't want to see them, but I wanted my last memories of them as they were before they died.

There are no rules. What would be seemly for one death, may not be seemly for another.

Filey

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

I actually always find it comforting to see someone's body, but then being Irish we have far more of a tradition of it and it's regarded as 'normal' to do so. I know I've always found it comforting that the person is so clearly not 'there'. It certainly makes the whole burial process much easier if you know that you are effectively burying a sort of overcoat rather than the person you loved (if that makes sense). I know also with my much loved grandmother, having time on my own with her body felt very special and important. I didn't have that time with my grandad when he passed for various reasons and I sort of felt like I missed out a bit on the chance to just be at peace with him for a few minutes.

That said, I don't know for sure how I'd feel about a parent, sibling or partner...although I know for sure I couldn't bury them without seeing them first.

But each to their own, there are no rules of death and you should do whatever feels right for you alisajo!

---

When my son was killed in an accident when he was 17 I wanted him home. The undertaker asked me if I was sure about it, and I said yes. We lived in a large farmhouse and his coffin was put in one of the sitting rooms. I could pop in and see him and touch him and speak to him. His sisters and father could see him. We could talk about it together.

On the day of the funeral his father and I put the lid on his coffin and screwed it down. It seemed the right thing to do. We had cared for him throughout his life and it felt as if we were caring for him to the very end.

And yet when my parents died later (they had been living with us at the time) I felt no wish to do the same, or even go to see them in the chapel of rest. They were very old and I knew that once the spark of life had gone there was only the well used shell.

As Belfastgirl says there are no rules. Only customs which vary according to what culture you live in, and what feels right for you.