Question about the death process. (Factual thread so pls don't read if sensitive)

pupsicola

I dont have any experience or knowledge but didn't want to read and run. I am so sorry for what you are facing now and wish you and your family peace

LisaLou1982

I agree with the others Jo....

My heart goes out to you, ive been through this and know how difficult it can be.

I had to make the decision to withdraw treatment from my dad. To be honest, there was never a hesitation in decison for me. Dad always said hed never want to suffer. I would never want to watch him suffer and certainly would never have gone against his wishes. He hung on for a couple of days and it seemed like it would never end. The feeling i got watching him like that is honestly the worst experience ive ever gone through. In the end, we were told that he would pass within 24hrs or so. I said goodbye and told him not to carry on anymore as we were ok and would look after one another. To this day i honestly believe he was waiting for me to say that as he passed away 5 mins later. It was such a relief although im still devestated 18 months on and miss him everyday.

Lots of love to you xx

NickyBat

I hope you're ok.
x

happyhaddock_2

Hi just wanted to send my best wishes at this sad time. I went through this with my Dad last year and we were all with him right up til the end. If there is a nice way to go it's peacefully surrounded by your family, wether you are conscious of them being there or not. I'm sure on some level she is aware of your love for her x

meritaten

so sorry aliasojo. been through this so have some idea how you feel.
yes, sometimes they do seem to 'brighten up' before the end. often when a loved one finally makes it to the bedside.
as for them not knowing you are there - assume they are hun! even the medical staff dont know how much of their surroundings people who are dying are aware of...........how could they?
and yes, give her permission to go or rather release her. I believe that sometimes they are 'held' here by our grief, to let her go is the kindest way. I have personal experience of that - my much loved FIL lingered for days surrounded by his family, then for some reason the room emptied except for me, I whispered to him that it was just me there and if he needed to go then i would hold his hand. I did and moments later he took a last breath. I was totally shocked and felt awful, but have since realised that he didnt want to depart with everyone around him. I now feel honoured that he chose to go with my support.
its really hard hun - but, if this ladies time has come , its come and all you can do is be there to ease her passing.

belfastgirl23

**thinking of you**

I hope this thread has helped you even a little...

Mupette

I'm impressed, this thread the way it has been conducted. Just for once no sarky stuff or i am better than etc...

Its a mature, kind informative thread well done everyone.

OP 91 and with a lifetime of all that, wow that is amazing really it is.

my nan went at 90 (6 years ago) she had really good innings (sp)
she was left deaf, blind and mute, but my mum still instisted stroking her head etc and still talked to her till the end.


I hope the passing is soon so as to stop the suffering. (in the nicest possible way, have ms so dont always seem to say the right thing)

Surfbabe

Loanranger wrote: »

So sorry to hear of your pain with this experience.

When my dad was dying I was advised to tell him it was OK to leave us and start on his final journey. He was unconscious but seemed to be fretting. I mustered up my courage and gave him permission to go and within a few minutes he became calm and passed away within 15 hours. He did not regain consciousness.

I have no idea whether my few words made any difference.

I did exactly the same almost a year ago to the day - my mum didn't regain conciousness after an operation to insert a feeding tube (she had just been diagnosed with advanced Motor neuron disease. That evening after my brother and I had told the nursing staff we did not want any more interventions I stayed behind a short while and even though she was , I held her hand and told her that we would all be ok - that we all loved her but that she should stop fighting and go in peace to join dad and that although we would all be sad we couldn't bear to see her suffering so much. She seemed calm and died 24 hours later. I like to think that my words did make a difference

zzzLazyDaisy

My thoughts are with you. I went through this with my mum, 6 years ago now, she had been unconscious for two weeks before she died, but the day before she died she seemed to improve. To be honest I was worried she'd recover consciousness and hang on for a while longer - sorry if that sounds uncaring, but she was terminally ill and I just wanted her life to end peacefully. She slipped away the following morning while I was sat talking to her. No great drama, she simply sighed gently and stopped breathing.

Remember to be kind to yourself x

MatyMoo

Just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you at this sad time.

We spent the last day with my Mum in the hospital and she was unconscious for most of the day. Towards the end we let her know that it was OK to go and that her loved ones were waiting for her on the other side. It was heartbreaking, but the right thing to happen as there was no way back for her after a major heart attack on top of other medical issues. In the end it was peaceful and I hope that it will be for you too.

Wish that we had thought to tell her we would be fine and look after each other, I think that was a lovely thing to say