Question about the death process. (Factual thread so pls don't read if sensitive)

Savvy_Sue

aliasojo wrote: »

My early evening 'entertainment' was coffin and casket browsing on the net. Maybe my subconscious is not letting me sleep in case I end up not waking up again.

I've decided when it's my time, I'm going to make it a less sombre affair for my lot. None of your oak coffins with solid brass handles for me....I'm having a brightly painted coffin (design still to be determined but swaying towards a meadow scene with blue skies, green grass and lots of flowers). How could you feel sad looking at that?

Now, which board is the poll about "Would you buy a coffin online" on? There's some gems in there ... have you seen it?

Hope the day went well for you.

NickyBat

aliasojo wrote: »

Ok, got a cremation question now.

When the coffin disappears behind the curtains, does it get burnt straight away or stored somewhere in a queue? How do you know the ashes you get are your relative's and not part her, part Mr Smith who was in before? I'm told you can arrange some sort of (more expensive) process where the area is cleaned out and you're guaranteed to only get your relative, but I honestly don't know how they could do this? The cynical part of me says it's just a con to get more money and you'd be none the wiser anyway. (That's if that bit is true, of course).

Also, when do you get the ashes? I'm assuming it's not straight away?

Certainly in my area they are cremated more or less straight away,
When my dad died, his funeral was in the afternoon and the funeral director picked his ashes up the following morning and brought them straight to us.
Not too sure about getting bits of others, i am sure they are as careful as they can be but i personally think you probably do get a few bits it can't be helped.

aliasojo

Hi guys. Just got back this afternoon. Funeral went as well as funerals go I guess. I felt all fine and matter of fact about it all, was fine when coffin came in (was surprised they covered it with a heavy green cover, would have thought they would have left it open for us to see but apparently they don't do that), was fine when minister said his piece etc. Thought I had it in the bag until brother stood up to say a few words, then that was it, went to pieces. I didn't know he had it in him to be so poignant. Her ashes will be getting buried but uncertain when yet so still got that to come.

The whole process...hearse, family car, slow ride to crematorium, tea and sandwiches afterwards etc was all so traditional and what most people will want/have I guess. It's definitely not for me though and although I'm hoping I've got a long time ahead of me before I'll be the star of the show, I think I'm going to start making plans for what I want...starting with the flowers. The flowers at the funeral were lovely (apart from mine which looked nothing like the online picture needless to say!), but it was such a waste. They were on or beside the coffin for all of maybe 2 hours, then they were left on a grassy verge to rot. Considering each wreath would have been between £50 - £100, there must have been just under a grand's worth of flowers just going to waste.

So, my 'orders' will stipulate, 1 single flower per person and that's it. I'd rather my family kept their money than give it to the florist. I also don't want a ceremonial drive through whatever area I lived in, I want taken to the crem on the quiet, burnt as soon as and then my ashes given to my family in a brightly painted box who will then make sure I'm buried in a nice meadow somewhere. Sorted.

thorsoak

Just read your last post, Jo, on my return from what will be the Woodland Cemetary where my OH is buried. I say "what will be", as at the moment it is not much more than a field sloping down to the Estuary. There aren't that many graves there as yet, but each grave will have a tree planted over it, and a small wooden plaque only, which will, eventually rot. Everything has been chosen that it may decay naturally and become part of the landscape. The woodland will not be maintained in the normal neat and tidy manner that people are accustomed to, but will be left to mature as a woodland glade. The grass will be cut to encourage wildflowers and occasionally swathes are made through the pasture to provide pathways.

It is a beautiful peaceful spot, overlooking the marsh, where seabirds congregate, and the estuary. It was beautiful today - the sun slipping down to the west, with the boats on the moorings. Wonderful.

He said he did not want to be burned - and we had a simple thanksgiving for his life in the local methodist church - we stipulated only family flowers and asked for donations to Macmillan Nurses - and to my knowledge so far, over £300 has been sent to them in his memory. Gentle and simple - without too much fuss - the way he liked things to be.
"Under the wide and starry sky
Dig the grave and let me lie.
Gladly I lived and glad I die
And I laid me down with a will.
This be the verse you grave for me:
'Here lies where he longed to be;
Home is the sailor, home from sea,
And the hunter home from the hill.'
Robert Louis Stevenson,

Filey

That sounds great Thorsoak. So nice (feeble word), but so appropriate. Just what he would have wanted I expect. I would like that for myself when the need arises, and would have liked it for my son had I known about it at the time.

I am in the process of 'making' a book for my daughters titled " The Big Sleep'. It tells them all the things that have to be done when I die, beginning from what to do if they find I have died in my sleep (as did my father), or in hospital, who to tell, what they need to do, what they need to get, and so on and so forth.

Anything to make it easier for them at a difficult time.

faithcecilia

aliasojo wrote: »

So, my 'orders' will stipulate, 1 single flower per person and that's it. I'd rather my family kept their money than give it to the florist. I also don't want a ceremonial drive through whatever area I lived in, I want taken to the crem on the quiet, burnt as soon as and then my ashes given to my family in a brightly painted box who will then make sure I'm buried in a nice meadow somewhere. Sorted.

When my grampa (mum's dad) died, thats what mum did from us - one white rose from each of us 4, to be burnt with him - and left the rest of the extended family to compete to [STRIKE]waste[/STRIKE] spend the most money.

We didn't have a funeral with grandad (he went to medical research) so no flowers at all at his memorial - gran doesn't like cut flowers anyway.