Question about the death process. (Factual thread so pls don't read if sensitive)

aliasojo

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

Now THAT is a better phrase to use than 'fridge!'. And it is good to know that my old-fashioned father finally made it to a 'cool' space! :rotfl:

Now see, that just shows the difference between personal opinion. I find 'cool space' too much like 'cool bag', which then reminds me of packed lunch sandwiches and picnics etc. I'm happy enough with the thought of being in a fridge. (Although admittedly I'd be happier if it was a personal fridge and I didn't have to share. )


Thanks for the info Jo. I wished I'd known about the cot sheets etc before I got rid of almost pristine sets a few months back. They just went to the local charity shop, I'd have preferred to give them for the wee toots to use in the chapel.

pelirocco wrote: »

My Mil had fluids ( and obviously food) withdrawn in the last few days of her life . For the first 2 days we found it distressing , because she seemed uncomfortable , but then she became very peaceful and looked very well , She was in the end stage of dementia , swallowing was not possible and giving fluids through a drip would have caused her distress. She had a very peaceful and dignified death and the day before she was more alert then she had been for weeks and was aware that her whole family was with her

'Rallying' does seem to be a very common stage in the process. I only wish we had been informed of the possibility and we wouldn't have been as disturbed by it.

I'm sorry you lost your Mum.

BubblyMumbles

I've just been through this a few months ago with my mother and I understand completely how you wonder if everything being withdrawn is the right thing to do when they look so well. My mum did fight, she didn't want to go anywhere and while the last few moments were peaceful it had been very distressing until then.

My deepest sympathies go out to you and your family. xx

Quackers

RacyRed wrote: »

Jojo, thank you so much for sharing that. I am also in tears now.

Me too.

But thanks for sharing Jo

gentlepurr

aliasojo, i have only just found this thread, my condolences to you, i hope you are ok.

I have to say this thread has stirred many emotions in me too, and has gone a long way in restoring my faith in mse and the many wonderfull people that post here still.

((((hugs)))) to you aliasojo and all who have shared their stories on here

gp xx

Callie22

NickyBat wrote: »

I think this is a wonderful thing to do, to bring your family member back to their home before their final journey - but not something i could do.......i don't think.

My grandmother died recently and her body was brought back to our house the day before the funeral. I will admit that I felt uncomfortable about it initially but it actually was very comforting - my family is very close and it just felt right that we could all spend a final night together as a family. My gran hadn't wanted to go to hospital and had made my mum promise that she could die at home. In the end my gran died in hospital but mum felt that by bringing her home she'd been able to keep her promise in some way, and it helped her a lot. It really wasn't at all disturbing and I'm very glad that we did it.

hcb42

Sorry for your loss x

When my Mum died, (quite suddenly as in not in hospital) I dont think I understood what would happen next as it were, but the funeral directors were excellent at putting us at ease, although my Dad was finding it very tough, and a few days later he did have to ask "where she was". THere is an air of mystery in a way about what happens and when, and those first few days feel quite surreal and numb and like many I am saddened by the story at the Chapel of Rest, and will make a donation too. I saw my Dad there, at the hospital, didnt think I wanted to, but drove my two sisters in, and went in myself, not something I think I would do again other than for v close family, we are an Irish family and so know this is the way, but the Englishness must have rubbed off over the years!

aliasojo

Ok, got a cremation question now.

When the coffin disappears behind the curtains, does it get burnt straight away or stored somewhere in a queue? How do you know the ashes you get are your relative's and not part her, part Mr Smith who was in before? I'm told you can arrange some sort of (more expensive) process where the area is cleaned out and you're guaranteed to only get your relative, but I honestly don't know how they could do this? The cynical part of me says it's just a con to get more money and you'd be none the wiser anyway. (That's if that bit is true, of course).

Also, when do you get the ashes? I'm assuming it's not straight away?

RAS

Hi

Different crems do things differently. So you need to ask. Some have started saving fuel by storing and doing a long burn each day, I believe, rather than after each ceremony.

Savvy_Sue

aliasojo wrote: »

Also, when do you get the ashes? I'm assuming it's not straight away?

No it's not straight away, but that's the only question I can answer!

Dad's ashes were collected by the FD, I have no idea when. He then kept them safe until we were ready to bury them. At that point I think the minister went to collect them, or they would have delivered them to the site for us, or presumably one of us could have collected them. Not sure I'd have wanted to drive around with Dad's ashes in the car!

aliasojo

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

No it's not straight away, but that's the only question I can answer!

Dad's ashes were collected by the FD, I have no idea when. He then kept them safe until we were ready to bury them.

SS, did you have a second service when you buried Dad's ashes? Or was it just a matter of fact low key thing?

Not sure what sis intends to do and it wont be too easy for me to get back down again if the norm is to have a second service.