Question about the death process. (Factual thread so pls don't read if sensitive)

Quackers

aliasojo wrote: »

I've also just warned my lot that on no account am I to be left by myself with other dead people when I go. Lord knows how they'll get round that one.

:rotfl: End it all on leaving them with a challenge eh?

Sorry for your loss AJ.

This thread has had me in tears at the reminder of being with my Nan as she died...some of the posts were so similar to my experience

And then you post that and I'm laughing through my tears

I grew up with my Grandparents and my Grandad had a huge family so I've been to a fair few funerals and am ok with visiting dead people. Although my Nans brother made me so sad when his wife of 60 years died. He took everyone who wanted to say goodbye to her to see her ~ introduced me to her 'look who's here to say goodbye Daisy' and all at the same time.

Like others have said everyone has their own way of dealing with death and it's really important to do what works for you and not what others expect you to do.

aliasojo

Quackers wrote: »

:rotfl: End it all on leaving them with a challenge eh?

And then you post that and I'm laughing through my tears

He took everyone who wanted to say goodbye to her to see her ~ introduced me to her 'look who's here to say goodbye Daisy' and all at the same time.

Ach I think you need to try to keep a wee sense of humour going in the background somewhere otherwise you'd get overwhelmed with it all.

That's really quite sad Quacks, but you get the feeling of love from that last act 'between' them.

aliasojo

Filey wrote: »

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When my son was killed in an accident when he was 17 I wanted him home.

I can only imagine what it must feel like to have to bury a child and even then I suspect I'm way off the mark trying to understand the depth of feeling involved. I'm so sorry. x

I always said my children would be the only ones I could ever be near, or want near, if they died. I wouldn't even have to think about it. Everyone else (much as I may love them) wouldn't invoke the same feeling and I'd really rather stay away from them.

Gingham_Ribbon

I'm sorry for your loss, aliasojo. Filey, my heartfelt sympathy for you too, and to everyone on this thread who has lost loved ones.

Savvy_Sue

aliasojo wrote: »

It's ok SS, I need facts. I deal much better with facts than anything else. Anything I don't know, I'll just make up and it will be much worse then.

I've often thought things like this would be less scary and off putting if we all knew exactly what went on at every stage then it would just all be matter of fact, iyswim.

I saw my Mum and Dad dead when I was much younger and had nightmares for 2 years afterwards. I wondered if I would cope better now I'm older but have decided I wouldn't . I've decided I'm not going to go and see her.

I've also just warned my lot that on no account am I to be left by myself with other dead people when I go. Lord knows how they'll get round that one.

Oh I like facts too, but there's facts and facts, and 'keeping them in the fridge' until required for viewing seemed a bit bald! :rotfl:

I think you'd better hope you go peacefully in your sleep, at home, having seen your GP not long beforehand, then he can sign the death certificate and the FD can take you off the same day, OR better yet bring the coffin out and lay you out at home. That's how my grandma died, in her chair having her afternoon nap, and mum is keen to do the same. That's how I'd like her to go too, she'd be miserable in hospital / a nursing home and would freely share her misery!

It took several days for the hospital to issue the bits of paper we needed for Dad, and the FD couldn't collect him before we had them. I seem to remember that I had to go to the hospital to pick them up, go and register the death, and then take the all important Green Form to the FD. Then it was a couple of days before the FD could pick him up.

I felt much happier once I knew he was with the FD: they were lovely, and even though none of us wanted to see him, we just felt happier that he was in their fridge rather than in the hospital fridge IYSWIM.

LisaLou1982

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

Oh I like facts too, but there's facts and facts, and 'keeping them in the fridge' until required for viewing seemed a bit bald! :rotfl:.

Sorry if that upset you Sue but that was the easiest way i could think to describe it! Its always difficult to know what to say when someone has lost a loved one but theres absolutely nothing i could say to make Jo feel any better, and IMO trying to soften facts doesnt make anyone feel any better.

Hope youre feeling a bit more at peace today Jo x

Savvy_Sue

LisaLou1982 wrote: »

Sorry if that upset you Sue but that was the easiest way i could think to describe it! Its always difficult to know what to say when someone has lost a loved one but theres absolutely nothing i could say to make Jo feel any better, and IMO trying to soften facts doesnt make anyone feel any better.

no, it didn't upset me, I was fairly sure that Dad was in the fridge (in his own drawer, naturally) at the hospital until the FD collected him and moved him to the fridge at the Funeral Parlour. I just didn't want to come right out and say to aliasojo that they only used the Chapel of Rest for viewings by appointment, and the rest of the time people were in the fridge.

Mind you when Dad died it was so cold I'm quite sure they didn't really need to use fridges at all.

(I don't know WHY I watch Silent Witness, because I have to keep not watching it IYSWIM, and I'm sure it's nothing like real life, but the fridges with pull out drawers seem like a good idea ... d'you think we could have domestic freezer drawers on casters, they'd be so much easier to use, wouldn't they?)

NickyBat

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

.

(I don't know WHY I watch Silent Witness, because I have to keep not watching it IYSWIM, and I'm sure it's nothing like real life, but the fridges with pull out drawers seem like a good idea ... d'you think we could have domestic freezer drawers on casters, they'd be so much easier to use, wouldn't they?)

It is just like real life, thats how they are

meritaten

I have been sitting with three people (all loved ones) when they died. only once did I go to the Funeral Directors for the viewing (and thats cos OH wanted to go). I made the mistake of kissing FIL on the forehead - it was like kissing an ice cube! it made me feel faint and sick as I was expecting him to be cold but not frozen! (My SIL said to me after that his hair felt like it had frost on it). so never again - I would rather be at the bedside when they passed a hundred times over than go through that again! it was all I could think of for weeks!

aliasojo

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

I just didn't want to come right out and say to aliasojo that they only used the Chapel of Rest for viewings by appointment, and the rest of the time people were in the fridge.

Ach it's best just to say it like it is.