12 to 24 week pregnancy thread

nessie216

nessie216 wrote: »

Can't remember who it was who's PIL's are giving up smoking - but after a heart to heart with my mum - her & stepdad are giving up as from today as mum doesn't want any excuses not to see her grandchild!

Scrap that - just had my brother visit me at work saying my mum was in tears this morning & saying i am blackmailing her

I can't win - i don't know what to do

I just told her my worries & that i don't spend time with her at the moment because the smell of smoke makes me nauseous - i even said numerous times throughout the conversation at the weekend that i don't want her to give up - but i don't know what to do because it worries me that the smoke will harm my baby

I don't care that my mum smoked during pregnancy and beyond with both me & my brother - it's not my choice to subject my baby to the smoke - that was the whole reason me & hubby gave up over a year ago

What do i do?

Sorry rant over

Poppy27

nessie216 wrote: »

Scrap that - just had my brother visit me at work saying my mum was in tears this morning & saying i am blackmailing her

I can't win - i don't know what to do

I just told her my worries & that i don't spend time with her at the moment because the smell of smoke makes me nauseous - i even said numerous times throughout the conversation at the weekend that i don't want her to give up - but i don't know what to do because it worries me that the smoke will harm my baby

I don't care that my mum smoked during pregnancy and beyond with both me & my brother - it's not my choice to subject my baby to the smoke - that was the whole reason me & hubby gave up over a year ago

What do i do?

Sorry rant over

Oh what a horrible situation to be in. I'm shocked by anyone who thinks smoking around a baby is no big deal. She doesn't have to give up necessarily, just not smoke while you and the baby are around, but still the smell of smoke (even on clothes) makes me feel sick, i know what you mean, and I'd hate to take a baby into a smokey environment.

At the end of the day you're never going to compromise your baby's safety for her own selfishness.

Why not suggest to her that she can smoke all she likes but can only see the baby at your house and she's not to smoke for an hour before visiting so it's not on her clothes/breath.

Tricky situation but you can't please everyone and in this case you have to put your concerns for baby first

nessie216

Poppy27 wrote: »

Oh what a horrible situation to be in. I'm shocked by anyone who thinks smoking around a baby is no big deal. She doesn't have to give up necessarily, just not smoke while you and the baby are around, but still the smell of smoke (even on clothes) makes me feel sick, i know what you mean, and I'd hate to take a baby into a smokey environment.

At the end of the day you're never going to compromise your baby's safety for her own selfishness.

Why not suggest to her that she can smoke all she likes but can only see the baby at your house and she's not to smoke for an hour before visiting so it's not on her clothes/breath.

Tricky situation but you can't please everyone and in this case you have to put your concerns for baby first

It was sort of discussed on Saturday & i said that she could come round mine, but i wouldn't necessarily go to hers - but then she was saying she didn't want to have to phone up in advance & ask & that it would be putting obstacles in her way

Funny thing is over the last couple of weeks/months she doesn't talk to me - she talks to my brother or my nana - leaving me to hear things from others

The other thing that i worry about is that she has told my nana that she hopes we won't cope finacially & hubby will have to return to work so she can look after the baby everyday - she aparantly mentioned this to my brother this morning saying that she won't be as involved as she would like to be

My brother bless him stuck up for me & told her that it is my baby and i have the right to bring it up how i like and to make my own mistakes - but he shouldn't have to be piggy in the middle - he is only 19!

This whole situation is driving me nuts :mad:

Lola888

nessie216 wrote: »

It was sort of discussed on Saturday & i said that she could come round mine, but i wouldn't necessarily go to hers - but then she was saying she didn't want to have to phone up in advance & ask & that it would be putting obstacles in her way

Funny thing is over the last couple of weeks/months she doesn't talk to me - she talks to my brother or my nana - leaving me to hear things from others

The other thing that i worry about is that she has told my nana that she hopes we won't cope finacially & hubby will have to return to work so she can look after the baby everyday - she aparantly mentioned this to my brother this morning saying that she won't be as involved as she would like to be

My brother bless him stuck up for me & told her that it is my baby and i have the right to bring it up how i like and to make my own mistakes - but he shouldn't have to be piggy in the middle - he is only 19!

This whole situation is driving me nuts :mad:

My MIL used to say things like that all the time, when I was still on my maternity leave she would say f£$k off back to work so I can have the baby. It used to really upset me and now I have gone back to work she's always too busy to have her! :mad:

I'm guessing even if you needed someone to have your LO all day you wouldn't ask your mother due to the smoking issue and asking someone to do it full time can make things really awkward between you if one party has strong feelings about how to bring up a child which the other doesn't agree with.

Do you think it would help if you sat down and had a proper chat with her and say its not fair on your nan and brother and that in future if she has any issues to speak to you direct?

As for phoning up, its a courtesy and you might not be in the house. It only takes 30 secs to ring ahead.

Sparkles87

I have a similar dilemma with my dad. He had previously stopped smoking in the house when my niece was there and washing his hands after smoking before holding her, but due to the fact that brother and partner both smoke, it's slackened off and now brother and dad both smoke when baby is in the house. In another room but it still smells through the house and I don't like it around me let alone my baby when she arrives.
Not really sure how we'll handle it when baby arrives, he can't smoke at my house as its banned in the building (thankfully). But at theirs its liable to cause confrontation...my mum is going to speak to him about it before but it's up to him if he wants to change his behaviour and see his granddaughter.

nessie216

Lola888 wrote: »

My MIL used to say things like that all the time, when I was still on my maternity leave she would say f£$k off back to work so I can have the baby. It used to really upset me and now I have gone back to work she's always too busy to have her! :mad:

I'm guessing even if you needed someone to have your LO all day you wouldn't ask your mother due to the smoking issue and asking someone to do it full time can make things really awkward between you if one party has strong feelings about how to bring up a child which the other doesn't agree with.

Do you think it would help if you sat down and had a proper chat with her and say its not fair on your nan and brother and that in future if she has any issues to speak to you direct?

As for phoning up, its a courtesy and you might not be in the house. It only takes 30 secs to ring ahead.

If i had to leave baby with someone & they are still smoking i would be more inclined to leave baby with PIL - which i shouldn't have to do

I did tell my brother that if she starts to talk to him again to tell her to leave him out of it & to talk to me instead

If she carries on i will sit down when i am in a better mood! At the moment i think i might throttle her!

I am dreading seeing her tonight - but i bet she won't mention anything :eek:

nessie216

Sparkles87 wrote: »

I have a similar dilemma with my dad. He had previously stopped smoking in the house when my niece was there and washing his hands after smoking before holding her, but due to the fact that brother and partner both smoke, it's slackened off and now brother and dad both smoke when baby is in the house. In another room but it still smells through the house and I don't like it around me let alone my baby when she arrives.
Not really sure how we'll handle it when baby arrives, he can't smoke at my house as its banned in the building (thankfully). But at theirs its liable to cause confrontation...my mum is going to speak to him about it before but it's up to him if he wants to change his behaviour and see his granddaughter.

You are lucky to have your mum on your side

nikki2804

Lola888 wrote: »

nikki2804 don't buy too many of one brand as I know loads of mums who bought all one brand and were gutted when they leaked. I found Huggies were rubbish on DD when she was newborn, Pampers were okay and the Nature baby eco ones were fab albeit a bit crispy. I had a few free newborn packets from various offers.

Also don't get too many of each size my friend ended up selling 200 newborn nappies on gumtree- I did warn her!!

I only got on with Pampers the first time round. So my main stock will be of these. Hated Huggies, although ironically the only wipes i will/can use are Huggies pure.

fluffysox wrote: »

Re: Nappies if you are stocking up to use vouchers make sure you don't open all the boxes. My DS needed size 2 almost immediately as he was born 9lb 10. If boxes are unopened the supermarkets will let you exchange for a bigger size. We didn't really like Huggies, Pampers seemed a better fit but I would make the most of any vouchers regardless. (Just bought smaller packs with Huggies vouchers ) Pampers do send lots of vouchers in the first year if you sign up on their website. And Asda don't care how many you use at once. (e.g. can use 4 vouchers and only buy one box)

I'm only going to buy a box of size ones and size two's, maybe a size three. Not going to get too many. Just want an initial stock so that i don't have to waddle around the shops.

DS was 7lb7 when he was born so im hoping this one will be roughly the same, if not then there is always someone in need of nappies.

I will keep that in mind about Asda though, thanks

Luciferswench

Had my 20 wk scan today all is well we have a very healthy wiggly baby bean who kept kicking the doppler off

20+2

continualdiamond

lozza1985 wrote: »

How far along were you when you got big purchases (pushchair, car seat, cot etc), or how far along are you planning to be before you get things like that? We haven't bought anything yet, only have the few free samples we've got in a box and vouchers in a folder. Have started to clear out the spare room ready for it being decorated to become the nursery but there's still an awful lot of stuff in there that needs to go!

I'm 21 weeks today and the only big purchase we've made is our pram. We did that when I was about 14 weeks I think. We just went to look, even I didn't go with other intentions, hahaha.

However with mothercare's option of being able to pay it off, lock in for the price on the day and being able to change your mind we decided to go for it seeing as we were really impressed with a certain pram. My parents then told us not to pay anymore towards it (only had to pay £20 on the day) as they wanted to buy us the pram.

It gets delivered to us on the 23rd August, so perfect for us as we're in a flat so no need to try and store it now.

Other than that we've just made a start on baby's room with painting and glossing and the horrible carpet has come out ready for laminate flooring to go down next week.