Advice needed, ex and child contact :-(

pinkpig08

Flyboy152 wrote: »

No she isn't, she is funding petrol for herself; her part of the journey. I know it sounds pedantic (it probably is) but there is difference.

So, then, the actual issue is -who is responsible for funding contact when people split up and 1 moves 300 miles away?

littlemiss1986_2

I would love to ask his parents for some help in encouraging him
to pay a little more but despite them being good, nice people and me getting on with them to a certain level he is their golden boy and can do no wrong in their eyes. I don't think fit a second they would side with me even if they inwardly thought I was correct. Unfortunately I have just received a text message from him which states 'I'm not paying you anymore, you can't stop me seeing him just because you have no money'. I don't really know how to feel. He knows full well I will still fill the car with petrol and drive up there tomorrow because he knows how hard I push for them to have a relationship. Whether I should or not is another matter. As others have said he does equally drive the 600 miles every weekend he has him but he has him 48 days a year (through choice - I have always said he could have him longer at Xmas/summer/Easter but he doesn't want to) and the rest of the year myself and my partner buy everything for him (which I am more than happy with, he's my son and Id do anything for him). Argh... Feel like I have achieved nothing. I will carry on driving up and down because it's what's right for DS, just hate feeling like I'm being walked all over.

pupsicola

Flyboy152 wrote: »

Then you, like many on here, haven't bothered to read the thread properly. It is always advisable to consider the needs of others, before you make decision for them.

:rotfl:So predictable, thanks for just proving my point :rotfl:

Loopy_Girl

Flyboy152 wrote: »

Where has it been written that is what he will do?

Post 7........

shellsuit

littlemiss1986 wrote: »

I would love to ask his parents for some help in encouraging him
to pay a little more but despite them being good, nice people and me getting on with them to a certain level he is their golden boy and can do no wrong in their eyes. I don't think fit a second they would side with me even if they inwardly thought I was correct. Unfortunately I have just received a text message from him which states 'I'm not paying you anymore, you can't stop me seeing him just because you have no money'. I don't really know how to feel. He knows full well I will still fill the car with petrol and drive up there tomorrow because he knows how hard I push for them to have a relationship. Whether I should or not is another matter. As others have said he does equally drive the 600 miles every weekend he has him but he has him 48 days a year (through choice - I have always said he could have him longer at Xmas/summer/Easter but he doesn't want to) and the rest of the year myself and my partner buy everything for him (which I am more than happy with, he's my son and Id do anything for him). Argh... Feel like I have achieved nothing. I will carry on driving up and down because it's what's right for DS, just hate feeling like I'm being walked all over.

If he won't put his hand in his wallet or his backside moving, you won't need to stop him seeing him because he won't be ABLE to see him.

Honestly, he sounds like a bloody t!t.

Why are you pushing this anyway because if he really wants to see his son and you can't meet him halfway, he would find a way.

Some men would walk 600 miles to see their child.


Seriously, if you don't take your child halfway, how is he going to see his Dad?

pinkpig08

If your ex earned £200 per week, then he would have to pay you £30 per week maintenance. I would imagine that he earns more than that, and I don't think you have anything to lose by going to the CSA. He is obviously not willing to give any more, and it's not right that you are funding half of HIS petrol costs. I would send him another text saying 'I'm not stopping you seeing him, you are quite welcome to come and pick him up at XX on XX day. I cannot afford to fund your journey costs.'

Flyboy152

shellsuit wrote: »

flyboy, the OP is doing as much as she can. She is doing the ex a favour by taking the child halfway to meet him and now she is struggling with that, so is asking for money to cover the petrol which allows him to see his child in the first place!

If she didn't bother meeting halfway, the ex wouldn't see his child would he? And to be fair, it was him that moved miles away, not the other way around.

If he wants to see his son, he needs to put his hand in his pocket, or ask Mummy & Daddy to help out with petrol costs, seeing as they are both solicitors, they can't be short of a bob or 2.

We do not have enough information about why he moved away. My opinion is that if someone moves back to their parents, it is generally a financial decision, rather than one of lifestyle. He drives three hundred miles every time to see his son, that shows willingness to maintain contact, despite what others might say; many other NRPs, who really don't want to see their children, wouldn't bother. As for favours, it is neither here nor there whether it is a favour or not. The favour is not hers to give him, it is to facilitate her son's contact with his father. But I agree, he needs to provide more support for his son, a lot more; if he has the ability to do so. Personally, I suspect he does, but that should not be the reason to block contact, as others have suggested.

Loopy_Girl

littlemiss1986 wrote: »

'I'm not paying you anymore, you can't stop me seeing him just because you have no money'.

Umm to be fair you can....if you don't take him then he won't see him - UNLESS he does all the travelling yourself.

Yes you are being a mug and yes, £20 a week is a disgusting figure and yes, he was a tool for cutting him out of his life for a bit. And he is taunting you..thinks he has you over a barrel re maintenance AND contact.

But yes, you are a Mum and you want the best for your Son.

It's a tricky one for you

pinkpig08

Your ex is repsonsible for maintaining his own relationship with your son. If he refuses to do this, then explain to him when he is old enough just why his dad didn;t come to see him. Don't take the burden on yourself for your ex's stubborn, childish behaviour.

Flyboy152

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

So the grassroots is that the OP can't afford the journey anymore - seriously, what is your suggestion to resolve it?

Or has she just to get into loads of debt? Would that help her Son?

I have already given a suggestion, two in fact.