Advice needed, ex and child contact :-(

shellsuit

Flyboy152 wrote: »

Oh that'll be a great conversation, won't it?

Thirteen year old son: "Mum why didn't I get to see my dad."

Mother: "Because I wouldn't drive to you to meet him."

Think of that from a thirteen year old boy's point of view, when the last thing he said to his mother, before leaving the house to go to school was, " I hate you, you never let me do anything I want."

Don't be so ridiculous. If I didn't know better, I'd think you were trolling this thread just to stir some !!!!!!.

Flyboy152

pinkpig08 wrote: »

So, if you move 300 miles away from your parents, say, you would expect them to travel halfway to meet you everytime you wanted to see them?

Sorry, but I don't understand the relevance of your question. What does the lifestyles of three adults have to do with a three year old child? Three year old childen don't drive.

Flyboy152

shellsuit wrote: »

If it's unreasonable for the OP to expect her ex to drive 600 miles to see his son, wasn't it unreasonable of the ex to move that far away in the first place?

Isn't it unreasonable of the ex to expect the OP to spend her time and money helping him maintain contact?

She's not asking the earth of him, just some money for fuel to allow him to see his child!

It is unreasonable for anyone to drive six hundred miles, that is why they meet half way. The reasons for his move are not known, wouldn't it be better to understand that first, rather than to beat him about it now.

shellsuit

Flyboy152 wrote: »

It is unreasonable for anyone to drive six hundred miles, that is why they meet half way. The reasons for his move are not known, wouldn't it be better to understand that first, rather than to beat him about it now.

Yes they are so try reading the thread properly.

clearingout

Flyboy152 wrote: »

You need to explain all of this to your case worker at the CSA. Are they aware of his attempts to deprive himself of income? Have you any proof of his holidays and other spending?

I really do symapthise with you, but it really is none of the children's fault that their father is a complete !!!!!!, they are still entitled to a relationship with him. By cutting contact, the only ones who will be hurt are them.

Of course the CSA is aware of all this - I'm not entirely stupid!

No, it's not the children's fault. But I am a single parent with a very limited income. I can't magic money out of thin air. In fact, I am seriously considering getting rid of my car as I really can't afford to run it in which case, the ex will have to do all the driving.

There are no easy answers, I know that. But there needs to be some other solution other than one parent doing all the running around whilst the other behaves like an idiot.

Flyboy152

littlemiss1986 wrote: »

I don't know about holidays but he drives an '09 plate BMW X5. I don't know the first thing about cars but I'd suggest that's not a vehicle for someone struggling to survive even if it is on finance. And no I have no way of proving what hours he works, he makes out like he works all hours (well it's his reason fir never being able to have DS longer) but I don't know.

Just the sort of car the CSA love to beat up errant NRPs with. If anything it will spark them into investigating his income and lifestyle. You really have very few options left open to you. The CSA can be pretty ruthless (to the extreme in many case and not always justified) when it comes to extracting money from NRPs. I think you need to make the call.

Flyboy152

shellsuit wrote: »

Don't be so ridiculous. If I didn't know better, I'd think you were trolling this thread just to stir some !!!!!!.

You seriously don't think that would happen. If you don't, you are more naive than I thought.

pinkpig08

Thirteen year old son 'Mum why didn't I get to see my dad?'

Mum 'because your dad moved so far away he would not drive to see you.'

Son 'Couldn't you have met him halfway?'

Mum 'I couldn't afford to on the pittance he gave me.'

Flyboy152

shellsuit wrote: »

Yes they are so try reading the thread properly.

They weren't when you wrote your post, the reason were as I suspected earlier on n the thread. He moved away because he was broke.

Flyboy152

pinkpig08 wrote: »

Thirteen year old son 'Mum why didn't I get to see my dad?'

Mum 'because your dad moved so far away he would not drive to see you.'

Son 'Couldn't you have met him halfway?'

Mum 'I couldn't afford to on the pittance he gave me.'

Hmm....and how do you think that will be heard in the ears of a teenage boy who sees his mother as the !!!!! from hell (as most thirteen year old boys do when have been told they can't go to a night club/pub/party/football match etc.)? Do you think he is going to be rational or irrational?