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Advice needed, ex and child contact :-(

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Comments

  • Flyboy152
    Flyboy152 Posts: 17,118 Forumite
    littlemiss1986 wrote: »
    He's a self employed electrician and from what he makes out works all hours. I can't imagine he's earning less than £1500 PCM but I honestly don't know. I will post on the CSA bored as well, thankyou.

    It may help if you could find some way of proving that. What car does he drive, does he go on expensive holidays etc.?
    The greater danger, for most of us, lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low and achieving our mark
  • pinkpig08
    pinkpig08 Posts: 2,829 Forumite
    Has he sent any texts/emails which would indicate his working hours? He has minimal living costs if he is living with his parents, even if he's paying board.
    Sealed Pot Challenge #817 £50 banked :)
  • Flyboy152
    Flyboy152 Posts: 17,118 Forumite
    Loopy_Girl wrote: »
    Umm to be fair you can....if you don't take him then he won't see him - UNLESS he does all the travelling yourself.

    Yes you are being a mug and yes, £20 a week is a disgusting figure and yes, he was a tool for cutting him out of his life for a bit. And he is taunting you..thinks he has you over a barrel re maintenance AND contact.

    But yes, you are a Mum and you want the best for your Son.

    It's a tricky one for you :(
    At least we can agree on something. He is a mean-spirited jerk, but ultimately, that is not his son's fault.
    The greater danger, for most of us, lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low and achieving our mark
  • littlemiss1986_2
    littlemiss1986_2 Posts: 42 Forumite
    The reason he moved so far away was initially financial reasons. Obviously it was 2.5+ years ago and at that time he was not fully qualified and couldn't afford to live alone in this area. Now I'm sure he could but I wouldn't imagine (and can understand) that he wouldn't move closer now with his career, friends, gf, family all being there. I do feel absolutely stuck in the middle. I can see everyones point of view and I know he's taking the p but I really don't know how you explain to a 3 year old that he's not seeing daddy this weekend. Also wanted to add that in the time he's not with him he doesn't ever ring to speak to DS. The last time he had him was boxing day for two days and that text MSG and one last weekend saying he couldn't have him are the only contact me/DS have had since then. I'm actually reading this back to myself and starting to realise what a poor excuse for a father he is. I have male friends who would move hell and earth to see their children.
  • Flyboy152
    Flyboy152 Posts: 17,118 Forumite
    pinkpig08 wrote: »
    Your ex is repsonsible for maintaining his own relationship with your son. If he refuses to do this, then explain to him when he is old enough just why his dad didn;t come to see him. Don't take the burden on yourself for your ex's stubborn, childish behaviour.
    Oh that'll be a great conversation, won't it?

    Thirteen year old son: "Mum why didn't I get to see my dad."

    Mother: "Because I wouldn't drive to you to meet him."

    Think of that from a thirteen year old boy's point of view, when the last thing he said to his mother, before leaving the house to go to school was, " I hate you, you never let me do anything I want."
    The greater danger, for most of us, lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low and achieving our mark
  • littlemiss1986_2
    littlemiss1986_2 Posts: 42 Forumite
    I don't know about holidays but he drives an '09 plate BMW X5. I don't know the first thing about cars but I'd suggest that's not a vehicle for someone struggling to survive even if it is on finance. And no I have no way of proving what hours he works, he makes out like he works all hours (well it's his reason fir never being able to have DS longer) but I don't know.
  • Flyboy152
    Flyboy152 Posts: 17,118 Forumite
    pinkpig08 wrote: »
    Originally Posted by Flyboy152 viewpost.gif
    but that should not be the reason to block contact, as others have suggested.
    Do you really not see? Have you not read the OP clearly? She does not want to block contact! SHe is doing her utmost to maintain contact with her ex for her sons' sake. Just where would you draw the line?
    What do you suggest she does?
    You know what, I despair at some people's reading abilities. And you ask me if I have not read a post clearly.
    Would you drive 300 miles to take your child to see your ex, when you were only getting £20 which wouldn't even cover the petrol - not to mention food, clothing, childcare costs?

    Yes I would.
    The greater danger, for most of us, lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low and achieving our mark
  • Flyboy152
    Flyboy152 Posts: 17,118 Forumite
    Loopy_Girl wrote: »
    She's not blocking contact.

    She is asking him for help to maintain the contact already in place.

    He's refusing (so you could say he was allowing any ceasement of contact)

    Any ideas?
    Oh and along comes another.
    The greater danger, for most of us, lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low and achieving our mark
  • Flyboy152
    Flyboy152 Posts: 17,118 Forumite
    Loopy_Girl wrote: »
    Which are?

    Go cap in hand to the Grandparents?...quality
    You really need to stop posting now and read the thread properly.
    The greater danger, for most of us, lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low and achieving our mark
  • Flyboy152
    Flyboy152 Posts: 17,118 Forumite
    Loopy_Girl wrote: »
    Intrestingly, the Courts state that should a non resident parent move away then the cost of travel to maintain contact is borne by them....
    What, in every single case? As far as I am aware each case is assessed on its own merits.
    The greater danger, for most of us, lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low and achieving our mark
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