Advice needed, ex and child contact :-(

pinkpig08

Flyboy152 wrote: »

but that should not be the reason to block contact, as others have suggested.

Do you really not see? Have you not read the OP clearly? She does not want to block contact! SHe is doing her utmost to maintain contact with her ex for her sons' sake. Just where would you draw the line? Would you drive 300 miles to take your child to see your ex, when you were only getting £20 which wouldn't even cover the petrol - not to mention food, clothing, childcare costs?

What do you suggest she does?

Loopy_Girl

Flyboy152 wrote: »

but that should not be the reason to block contact, as others have suggested.

She's not blocking contact.

She is asking him for help to maintain the contact already in place.

He's refusing (so you could say he was allowing any ceasement of contact)

Any ideas?

Flyboy152

pinkpig08 wrote: »

So, then, the actual issue is -who is responsible for funding contact when people split up and 1 moves 300 miles away?

Unfortunately there really is no definitive answer. However, it typically means that each parent has to share the cost and the effort. It would unreasonable, for example, to expect someone to drive six hundred miles in a weekend. It would really do nothing to help with the time a child has when they have contact with a parent.

Loopy_Girl

Flyboy152 wrote: »

I have already given a suggestion, two in fact.

Which are?

Go cap in hand to the Grandparents?...quality

Loopy_Girl

Intrestingly, the Courts state that should a non resident parent move away then the cost of travel to maintain contact is borne by them....

pinkpig08

But they are not sharing the cost. The £20 per week is for clothing and food but gets swallowed up by fuel.

shellsuit

Flyboy152 wrote: »

Unfortunately there really is no definitive answer. However, it typically means that each parent has to share the cost and the effort. It would unreasonable, for example, to expect someone to drive six hundred miles in a weekend. It would really do nothing to help with the time a child has when they have contact with a parent.

If it's unreasonable for the OP to expect her ex to drive 600 miles to see his son, wasn't it unreasonable of the ex to move that far away in the first place?

Isn't it unreasonable of the ex to expect the OP to spend her time and money helping him maintain contact?

She's not asking the earth of him, just some money for fuel to allow him to see his child!

Flyboy152

littlemiss1986 wrote: »

I would love to ask his parents for some help in encouraging him
to pay a little more but despite them being good, nice people and me getting on with them to a certain level he is their golden boy and can do no wrong in their eyes. I don't think fit a second they would side with me even if they inwardly thought I was correct. Unfortunately I have just received a text message from him which states 'I'm not paying you anymore, you can't stop me seeing him just because you have no money'. I don't really know how to feel. He knows full well I will still fill the car with petrol and drive up there tomorrow because he knows how hard I push for them to have a relationship. Whether I should or not is another matter. As others have said he does equally drive the 600 miles every weekend he has him but he has him 48 days a year (through choice - I have always said he could have him longer at Xmas/summer/Easter but he doesn't want to) and the rest of the year myself and my partner buy everything for him (which I am more than happy with, he's my son and Id do anything for him). Argh... Feel like I have achieved nothing. I will carry on driving up and down because it's what's right for DS, just hate feeling like I'm being walked all over.

You ought to be commended for the time, effort and commitment you show your son. The fortitude and steadfastness you demonstrate now will no doubt be a thoroughly inspiring example to him and will show him everything he needs to know about how to be a responsible adult. You ex-partner's miserly, mean and greedy attitude (and other NRPs like him), is a betrayal to every NRP who struggle to accomplish the privilege of a meaningful relationship with their children and will do no good for the image of NRPs in general. I am glad that you have taken your son's welfare as the priority in this, other PWCs seem to use money as the first excuse in blocking contact. I am sorry if my post have appeared blunt and obstinate, but too many times I see PWCs use children as the main weapon in disputes with NRPs and ultimately they are the ones who suffer.

I really do urge you to consider putting in a claim to the CSA. Even if you don't get any more money out of him, it will stop from reducing the little he does give.

pinkpig08

So, if you move 300 miles away from your parents, say, you would expect them to travel halfway to meet you everytime you wanted to see them?

Flyboy152

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

Post 7........

littlemiss1986 wrote: »

I wish I could be strong, but I know that if I put my foot down and say he has to pay extra/drive further he will just say forget it and not see him and I don't know how you explain that to a 3 year old :-(

Yes you are right the OP did write that, but I rather suspect that was depressed opinion, rather than than what would really happen (I at least hope so).