"so why don't you want children?"

ceridwen

jcr16 wrote: »

taking contracption or using has always been around. it may not be in tablet or rubber form. i know of some who are religeous and don't use contraception but follow the womens cycles so they know when they can have sex without falling preg.

i'm sure in victorian chemist they made condoms. and i expect there was things women took if they did find themself pregnant and not wanting a child. But years and years ago sex was frown upon so any form of contraception i imagine would of been kept secret.

and i guess there are those who did fall preg and they child was given up for adoption.

I was quite surprised - when reading a recently-acquired book on herbal medicine - on just how many herbs had the comment by them of "Dont take this if you are pregnant". So - my reaction to that was "Oh....I guess that is a nudge and wink way of saying - DO take this herb if you dont want to be pregnant". So maybe some women found a local Wise Woman who "knew her onions" (or knew her herbs in this case:rotfl:) if they got "caught".

Certainly its been the case for most societies in most periods of history that basically women had no option but to get married - but we have been fortunate since about mid 20th Century in this country that women have become able to choose whether to get married or no (as the chance has been there to make our own living).:D

pupsicola

Occassionally these "When you gonna have kids" pesters get caught out big style. I remember the "Mother Earth" office pest asking a temp when the baby was due. To which she got told she wasn't pregnant. :eek: Awkward :eek:

Office pest kept her gob shut after that :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

missbishi

onlyroz wrote: »

What on earth would all you "I'll never have children" people have done if you were born in an era before contraception was invented?

We would have been forced to endure possibly countless pregnancies, often risking death in the process, and most probably living a life of poverty and inequality to boot.

pupsicola

onlyroz wrote: »

What on earth would all you "I'll never have children" people have done if you were born in an era before contraception was invented?

Plenty of women dont use contraception, have a full sex life and dont fall pregnant at all or until they decide they want a baby. I was one of them.

And yes hundreds of thousands do get caught out. Maybe they dont look at alternative methods of preventing pregnancy whilst still enjoying a happy sex life.

More to the point what I can guarantee is that if I had been born in an era where there was no pain relief for women in labour I wouldn't have gone ahead and had any kids. No way Jose!!!!

swiss69

I think many men are not fussed either way but are happy to have them if their partner wants one.

Kids are bloody hard work, cost a fortune and give you endless worries even when grown up.

Despite having them I still dont really see all of the benefits. I think they are quite nice until they go to secondary school!

Having a child still living at home in their thirties doesnt appeal to me in the slightest!

milliebear00001

cgk1 wrote: »

Why are people (well generally parents*) so aggressively noisy when you tell them (after they have asked) you don't want or plan to have any children? Even worse some seem to take it as a personal insult or suggest that it must mean that you had a terrible childhood. What's all that about?


* Edit: I should be a bit clearer - I mean 'people with children' not my parents who couldn't give a toss either way.

Perhaps it's because 'people' have a tendency to tar all members of a group with the same brush...I'm a parent, and I (like your parents) 'couldn't give a toss' whether or not you want children.

ellies_angel

I don't have children, I knew I didn't want children, I love children, have worked in childcare all my life, but knew I didn't want any of my own. You would have thought I was some kind of monster, I have been accused of being selfish...................how many people have children because it is expected of them and not because they really want them. To have a child is a gift, not a right, it is something you have to be 110% sure of, because it is a responsibility for the rest of your life.
My partner has 3, I love them to bits, am very happy being a stepmum and can't wait to be a nan (when the time comes).
I have never regretted my decision. I would never have wanted to bring a child into the world that wasn't truely wanted. That would been cruel

cgk1

swiss69 wrote: »

I think many men are not fussed either way but are happy to have them if their partner wants one.

Kids are bloody hard work, cost a fortune and give you endless worries even when grown up.

Despite having them I still dont really see all of the benefits. I think they are quite nice until they go to secondary school!

Having a child still living at home in their thirties doesnt appeal to me in the slightest!

Not me, I don't want them and make that clear from the outset.

rinkydinkpanther

My husband and I don't have any kids, so I've experienced some of this kind of thing myself. I find a really good way of dealing with this or any other kid of intrusive, aggressive or just plain rude questioning is to look surprised and say something like " gosh, did you really mean that to sound as rude as it did ? I'm sure you can't have done". It completely wrong-foots people every time, they generally mutter an apology, slink off and never do it again...

vegasvisitor

Kate78 wrote: »

Here's a cracker:

Nosey Colleague: Congratulations! (re - engagement). So you'll be planning a family next then won't you?

Me: Well, we'll just see what happens next (my standard response - OH and I are undecided on kids at the mo).

NC: But you do want kids though, don't you?

Me: We'll see...

The funny thing is that this woman is married, nearer 40 than 30 and has no children BY CHOICE, so surely she must know how irritating this !!!!!! is!?

Maybe they're just dying to know that someone else feels the same as them I am slightly nearer 40 than 30 also, and have never felt the need to have kids. I still find myself thinking that other newlyweds etc will (without actually saying it to them of course), maybe people actually make us feel so weird about it that we assume that everyone else in the world does want kids!! I doubt any harm is intended.

The worst has got to be the 'I don't care what you say but I think it has to have something to do with your relationship with your mother'. To which I replied that was rediculous and had nothing to do with it. It's a bit cheeky for people to actually come out and say what they have supposed. Another I had quite recently was 'you're enjoying Vegas too much'. Quite bizarre how people think they've got a right to suss out your private life like that. Even more bizarre that they decide to tell you! :rotfl: