"so why don't you want children?"

anxious_mum

I never wanted children, I have always had a good job and travelled a lot. I met my (now ex) husband and we were married for 5 years before he started going on about having kids 'because its what everyone does'. Eventually, I caved in, and after having two sons he left when the youngest was 3 months and the oldest 2 years, saying he didn't really like the family thing after all, so I have brought them up on my own for almost all of their lives, a single parent when I never really even wanted to be a parent at all!

My boys are people in their own right, they exist because of me and their dad, and I love them dearly, but sometimes I wonder how different my life would have been over the last 16 years if I had stuck to my guns and not had any children. Now I have them I wouldn't want to change history, but......who knows?

That's the other side of the coin I think, people who have had children but maybe wouldn't have had them if they knew what was around the corner.

catkins

onlyroz wrote: »

What on earth would all you "I'll never have children" people have done if you were born in an era before contraception was invented?

Well luckily we weren't!

ceridwen

Just turn it straight round back at them with "So why DO you want/DID you want children?".

Neither side has the right to ask people from the other "side" of this why...so if those who want them are ill-mannered/rude/aggressive/intrusive enough to ask "Why NOT?" - then you are quite entitled to turn the question round back at them.:)

Equally - you could be just as blunt/rude back at them in a different way - by saying "Its none of your business" and change the subject or walk away.

The second option is probably the one I should have used throughout in hindsight - rather than being too polite to use either option. Being polite and saying "I just dont - never did" just resulted in them "coming back for another bite" by comments like "You'll change your mind" etc:mad:.

*Maya*

onlyroz wrote: »

What on earth would all you "I'll never have children" people have done if you were born in an era before contraception was invented?

What's that got to do with anything?

Plans_all_plans

minimoneysaver wrote: »

What's wrong with asking about intentions for children.....I'll tell you. You never know, but the person maybe trying & having problems conceiving or having IVF or applying to adopt. They may have decided not to have a child out of their own choice. It is PRIVATE. It is non of our business what anyones intention is. If they want us to know, they will share.

People ask all the time about things that are private/none of their business though! If everyone took offence to questions of this nature then no-one'd ever speak to anyone else for risk of offending others.

I'm fairly sure when people have asked me whether we're having any more kids cos there's a big age gap opening up, they don't mean any harm in it: they're just curious.

If someone asks something and you don't want to tell them, just say "I'd rather keep that to myself, thanks!"

faithcecilia

onlyroz wrote: »

What on earth would all you "I'll never have children" people have done if you were born in an era before contraception was invented?

What I do now....not have sex!

ceridwen

onlyroz wrote: »

What on earth would all you "I'll never have children" people have done if you were born in an era before contraception was invented?

Factual answer to a rude/aggressive question is in my case:

"Lived the life of a nun then":D;)

...and your next rude question is....?

EDIT: In all seriousness - I simply wouldnt have bothered to have a sexlife at all ever if there had been that sort of risk attached to doing so.

rachbc

never ask why someone doesn't have kids - cos its non of my business but also it might because because they can't and I wouldn't want to upset them. I certainly don't question anyones right not to have kids - the only time I get defensive is when the non parent start spouting about having to pay for my kids education, over population, having kids being selfish etc - but my stance is to defend my position, not attack theirs!

jcr16

onlyroz wrote: »

What on earth would all you "I'll never have children" people have done if you were born in an era before contraception was invented?

taking contracption or using has always been around. it may not be in tablet or rubber form. i know of some who are religeous and don't use contraception but follow the womens cycles so they know when they can have sex without falling preg.

i'm sure in victorian chemist they made condoms. and i expect there was things women took if they did find themself pregnant and not wanting a child. But years and years ago sex was frown upon so any form of contraception i imagine would of been kept secret.

and i guess there are those who did fall preg and they child was given up for adoption.

pupsicola

**curlywurly** wrote: »

A colleague said to me "you people who only have one child are even worse than those who have none". I am not often speechless !!!

:rotfl:I wonder if challenged whether this colleague could give a good explanation of this comment. Me thinks it just likes to hear the sound of its own voice :rotfl: