"so why don't you want children?"

DKLS

onlyroz wrote: »

What on earth would all you "I'll never have children" people have done if you were born in an era before contraception was invented?

Quite simple, I would have carried out a DIY vasectomy or had my balls torn off in an industrial accident, or left them as bait to trap wolves, all depends how far you want to go back.

Fortunately I live in an age where there are options, and for the sum of £400 my fertility was fixed forever more, after a good chat with the surgeon, a reversal would have less than 1% success rate not that I will be changing my mind when I see my friends with kids instead of feeling broody I feel totally justified in being child free.

Back to the OP, myself and wife have faced those questions often, sometimes we have been polite, sometimes not so polite, and sometimes replied with an answer that messes with the parental brains. (Having a good knowledge of prenatal screening and genetic anomaly's isnt always a good thing

pupsicola

rinkydinkpanther wrote: »

" gosh, did you really mean that to sound as rude as it did ? I'm sure you can't have done".

:beer: Yay, now I have a really cool answer to the nosy parker, know it all I work with who inflicts her bloody opinions on me all the time. :beer:

pupsicola

DKLS wrote: »

Quite simple, I would have carried out a DIY vasectomy or had my balls torn off in an industrial accident, or left them as bait to trap wolves, all depends how far you want to go back.

:beer: Brilliant response :beer:

tifnstav

We've been married 2.5 years, want kids but not quite the right time for us yet, but MAN ALIVE talk about intrusion!

Do we want them, do we not, when, how, why? Woe betide you have a hangover and feel nauseous, because that must be PREGNANCY. Fancy a pastrami sandwich? PREGNANCY. Bit of heartburn from the pastrami sandwich? PREGNANCY.
Incessant questions and nudge nudge wink winks on having children are doing my head in. I have, however, found the winning put down when people ask.

You say in hushed tones that you have "been to the doctor". Then you do a very looooooong pause for their faces to adjust to the horror of what you are saying. Then you say that it turns out that you have been using the wrong hole.

Result. Used it on several occasions now. I have no shame in doing it if they have no shame in asking. True story.

Nixer

I didn't want children at all until about 2 years ago when I started thinking I might but I still cannot make up my mind and partner is fairly ambivalent. A good friend of mine, similar age (37) is due to give birth in a few days and I am wondering whether watching her experience of motherhood will help me decide. I hope something does!

I must be quite lucky though, or the OP knows a lot of !!!!!!, because I hardly ever get asked if I want them and any time I did in the past where I said I didn't want them I don't think I got any hassle. I wouldn't actually mind if people who have kids did ask me as it's something I need to talk about at the moment as part of making my mind up as I don't have close friends with kids (until friend gives birth).

pupsicola

tifnstav wrote: »

We've been married 2.5 years, want kids but not quite the right time for us yet, but MAN ALIVE talk about intrusion!

Do we want them, do we not, when, how, why? Woe betide you have a hangover and feel nauseous, because that must be PREGNANCY. Fancy a pastrami sandwich? PREGNANCY. Bit of heartburn from the pastrami sandwich? PREGNANCY.
Incessant questions and nudge nudge wink winks on having children are doing my head in. I have, however, found the winning put down when people ask.

You say in hushed tones that you have "been to the doctor". Then you do a very looooooong pause for their faces to adjust to the horror of what you are saying. Then you say that it turns out that you have been using the wrong hole.

Result. Used it on several occasions now. I have no shame in doing it if they have no shame in asking. True story.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: Brilliant :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

pupsicola

Nixer wrote: »

I didn't want children at all until about 2 years ago when I started thinking I might but I still cannot make up my mind and partner is fairly ambivalent. A good friend of mine, similar age (37) is due to give birth in a few days and I am wondering whether watching her experience of motherhood will help me decide. I hope something does!

I must be quite lucky though, or the OP knows a lot of !!!!!!, because I hardly ever get asked if I want them and any time I did in the past where I said I didn't want them I don't think I got any hassle. I wouldn't actually mind if people who have kids did ask me as it's something I need to talk about at the moment as part of making my mind up as I don't have close friends with kids (until friend gives birth).

If you still think you may want kids dont watch your friends experience of coping with a newborn to closely. Will be enough to put you off for life. If Id had any clue about what its really like I wouldn't have had kids. Along with most of the worlds population I suspect. The first few weeks are a living hell.

KiKi

I haven't read this whole thread. But I'm a very maternal person with babies and kids (not towards other adults, generally!). I love babies. I've looked after newborns for days and nights, on end, very young babies, young children, older children...

I love kids. I'm great with them - and I'm particularly brilliant with very small babies. Have no problems taking them in for a few days and adapting my life for a week. And because of this, it seems even more incredible to people who know me that I don't want kids. I can't say "I'm not a baby person" because I am, and they know that. So then I get the "what a great shame - you'll change your mind".

But I don't want my own. I have NO desire whatsoever to have my *own* child, nor a child to stay for longer than a week! I love my life and I don't want it disrupted. I don't want to share my life with anyone - not a partner, nor a child. I like being alone, and I like my own company. I work alone, and live alone, and I have cats who I ADORE!

Thankfully my close friends don't ask questions because they know me - but complete strangers (esp if they see me with kids) always ask when I'm having one, or expect that I must be planning one very soon. Drives me crazy!

I absolutely accept that nothing is set in stone, and that it's always possible for people to change their minds. But I hate that so many other people have already decided that I will change my mind and they're not ashamed to say it. I particularly hate it when other people who didn't want kids and now have them (and are now converted parents!) insist that because they changed their mind, I will!

KiKi

Moody_Mare

I am lucky that people have given up asking me, I am 40 and have never wanted children as I do not like them. They are OK'ish at 16+ when you can get a resonable conversation out of them. I did not even like children when I was a child and always prefered the company of adults. I do not understand why many think babies a cute, I find them rather repulsive but would never dream of making a comment about anyone's child as it is the apple of their eye.

However I do get annoyed by the typical attitude of some. I am very happily married and we have a gang of dogs, horses and other small pets which we both adore but they are not SUBSTITUTE children. They are all here by choice, I could have had children but I am not maternal to them, only animals. The worst culprits can be the medical proffesion, I had to fight for years to get a hysterectomy (eventualy in my early 30's) because I might change my mind or my partner may want one. Their attitude was that a woman could not make her own decisions!

I take the view that if people want kids then fine by me but do not assume my animals are substitues they are all here by choice.

[Deleted User]

faithcecilia wrote: »

I think another thing is people assume we will change our minds. I know many do - some posters her being such people - but I changed the other way! If someone had told me 10years ago I wouldn't have children I wouldn't have believed them - I was very broody and wanted nothing more than to get married and have a big family. But over time I have realised that its simply not for me.

This annoys me too. The good thing about getting older though is that people stop saying this (as I'm 39 and husband is 43).

I knew I never wanted children from an early age (about 16) and EVERYONE said to me "Oh you will change your mind". Never have. When I met my husband many years ago and things started to get serious between us not wanting children was something I mentioned. Had he wanted them I would have split up with him as I knew I never wanted them and it would not be fair on him if he did.

I have also had the "you're being selfish" and when I answered "To whom? A unborn, unconceived child perhaps?" no one could ever give me an answer.