"so why don't you want children?"

Souk08

I don't want kids or a man and people find that hard to beleive. I actually got 'What, NEVER' from a woman not so long ago. I also get 'When you meet the right man, you'll change your mind' quite a lot. Well no because I would have to ALLOW a man into my life and while I'm happy to enjoy fun and sex with men I will not be living with one and no man (even George Clooney) could posess me to change my mind. My life is lovely and full of love and laughter from friends and family. I don't do the pets thing either as it would be another tie on my time and my time is for me to enjoy as I choose...and long may that continue!

LJM

good for you x

Fuzzy_Duck

onlyroz wrote: »

What on earth would all you "I'll never have children" people have done if you were born in an era before contraception was invented?

I'd have been using animal intestine condoms. Seriously, condoms have been around since Roman times, and before that you would have obviously still had the withdrawal method- not great, but better than nothing!

It really infuriates me how a lot of people treat people who don't fancy children (whether right now or ever) like utter weirdos with something wrong with them, especially smug parents who think their having children makes them superior to everyone else. We could do with more people choosing not to have children since we're so overpopulated, and the world would be a better place if more people admitted they weren't up to being a parent (not saying this is THE reason people don't have kids, but it is one).

I would say that's my main reason for not wanting kids, although I'm only 23 now and both the boyfriend and I agree that we might hit 30 and suddenly turn broody. At the moment though, I am all too aware of the fact that I struggle with babies and noisy tots. Some kids are adorable, I'll admit. But I cannot stand babies and little kids screeching. It makes me so insanely angry I have to walk away (I can't stand planes for this reason, as there's no escape!) My mum tells me it's different when it's your own, but I'm not sure. I'd be terrified of getting angry and shaking my own baby. Yes, you've probably read this and think I'm a horrific monster, but at least I admit it and will not have children at this moment in my life because I know I couldn't deal with it. The idea of getting pregnant anyway and seeing how it goes as some people have been told is lunancy- my baby would probably end up being looked after by his/her grandparents until they're five and I can just about deal with them.

I'm also absolutely terrified of pregnancy and giving birth. I can't even watch stuff like One Born Every Minute, there's no way I could cope doing it myself! If I could skip the pregnancy, the birth, the baby years and have a child out of the terrible twos then I could probably cope okay, but that's not how it works, so I'll be avoiding it.

For the record I had a wonderful childhood and my mother was very maternal, always saying that the only thing she ever wanted from life was lots of kids (although she stopped after me saying I was too much of a nightmare so she couldn't face doing it again...) luckily she knows that no one has a 'right' to have a child/grandchild, and accepts the fact she might end up with grandcats instead.

Luckily I am still at the stage where I only get asked 'when are you getting married then?' which is very irritating as my boyfriend delightfully tells people he adds several years on each time someone asks :rotfl: I expect if we ever do get married I will have to put up with the same constant baby comments everyone else gets!

Your post did make me laugh tifnstav- I had a similar experience where I had a nasty time on tequila and it put me right off booze. I decided to drink responsibility from then on- lots of non-alcoholic drinks, drinking slowly and sticking to the same alcoholic drinks (many of which I can't even stomach anymore). I started off a Friday night with a large glass of cola and was promptly asked by a friend, "is there vodka in that?" When I replied "no" he eyed me suspiciously and asked if I was pregnant. When I replied in the negative he then asked my boyfriend the same question, refusing to believe me. Utterly humiliating and persuaded me that my new healthier lifestyle was definitely a good idea.

Alizarin

I've also never wanted children as I really can't stand them! I can cope for a couple of hours babysitting but it's such a relief to go home to a lovely quiet, child-free house! I've been with my boyfriend for 8 years so we still get 'When are you getting engaged/married?' (to which the answer is 'Probably never!'), luckily we don't get asked about wanting children very often. For us, only one person from our group of friends has a child, so not having any is the norm.

I recently got asked by a work colleague if I was planning any children. After I said that I didn't like children so didn't want one, I was told 'Ah, but if it was your own child you would like it!'. I pointed out to him that that would be a bit of a stupid risk to take - having a child just because when it is born, there's a chance you might not dislike it!

SandC

See I don't not want children cos I don't think I would like it or be good at it. There's enough evidence around that 'most' people absolutely fall into parenthood as if they were placed on this earth to do so. I know I would love my child if I were to want/have one and I would be a very good mother.

Still don't want any though. I think there must be something ingrained in your psyche that either says 'yay' or 'nay' on these issues.

Like, I firmly believe if you really do not want to get pregnant, you won't. Accidents happen to those who are either not being responsible enough about their contraception or who don't see it as being a disaster if it happens. See, those whose parents had children young often do the same themselves - because they've seen and experienced that it's not the end of the world and that it can and frequently does all work out alright in the end.

staffiecat

I am loving this thread.

Up until about 3 years ago I didn't want kids, I had helped to raise my siblings as a young child myself and felt that I had been there done that etc.

OH and I then got married and we changed our minds and the irony is that we probably can't have children - which I can laugh about as I have accepted this, particularly as I still cringe when I hear a child scream :rotfl:so fate has clearly played us the right hand !

However the most annoying thing in the world is people thinking that it is their business to know what our plans are, ranging from family members to friends and even to work colleagues. On practically a daily basis I am asked whether I am pregnant by a colleague at work. If I get up to go to the toilet and take my handbag with me she wants to know whether its because my period has arrived :eek:

We tell everyone that we do not want to have children and the reaction we get is shocking (one family member actively hands me his child each time he see's me to 'encourage' a maternal instinct!), if only they knew that we have actually been through a very emotional journey.

I am definately taking away some of titbits from here, particularly loving the trip to the doctors answer :T

Plus, it must surely be very MSE of us not to have children :money:

SandC

Aaaargh, just this lunchtime another colleague has announced her pregnancy.

I really have to fake enthusiasm for these occasions, that and when they bring their babies in.

tbourner

SandC wrote: »

Aaaargh, just this lunchtime another colleague has announced her pregnancy.

I really have to fake enthusiasm for these occasions, that and when they bring their babies in.

OMG bringing babies into work is a nightmare! We have 500 people in our office and it's quite regular that you hear screaming children down the corridor! That might be the managers though.

SandC

I have requested that people be allowed to bring their new puppies and kittens in as well for those of us who have more of an affinity with animals but apparently that's a no go.

Done_and_Dusted

What annoys me is when you have to work xmas because you don't have any children so the people "with" children can have it off. Like their xmas is more important than mine!!