"so why don't you want children?"

Bufger

onlyroz wrote: »

What on earth would all you "I'll never have children" people have done if you were born in an era before contraception was invented?

Withdraw. Thats ALWAYS been invented, its just very mentally challenging to do.

Thats a joke by the way

ceridwen

tifnstav wrote: »

We've been married 2.5 years, want kids but not quite the right time for us yet, but MAN ALIVE talk about intrusion!

Do we want them, do we not, when, how, why? Woe betide you have a hangover and feel nauseous, because that must be PREGNANCY. Fancy a pastrami sandwich? PREGNANCY. Bit of heartburn from the pastrami sandwich? PREGNANCY.
Incessant questions and nudge nudge wink winks on having children are doing my head in. I have, however, found the winning put down when people ask.

You say in hushed tones that you have "been to the doctor". Then you do a very looooooong pause for their faces to adjust to the horror of what you are saying. Then you say that it turns out that you have been using the wrong hole.

Result. Used it on several occasions now. I have no shame in doing it if they have no shame in asking. True story.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: ...well thats half my breakfast spattered across the keyboard from bursting out laughing....

Like it..

glossgal

I've never wanted children and don't mind being asked about it..it's just the uncomfortable silence that follows when you tell people you don't want them. Usually followed by an insincere 'oh that's your choice' etc. The thing is all the parents who post on these threads say they dont give a fig or judge but this doesn't reflect my own experience with parents who you discuss this with. One friend knows my feelings on the subject (although only my OH knows the true extent of my anti-kiddies stance!) but will still ask me quite often if Im going to have them as if the previous conversation never took place :mad:

Also for me its smug parents generally who put me off having kids and its annoying because I often feel its two faced. The older I've got, as a childless couple you get a bit of perspective and insight on relationships and families around you because you're not in the clique and people see you someone 'safe' to confide in. I can honestly say the most frustrated and unhappy group would definitely be those with kids! Loads of 'em are miserable as hell lol

Chaos_Monkey

tifnstav wrote: »

We've been married 2.5 years, want kids but not quite the right time for us yet, but MAN ALIVE talk about intrusion!

Do we want them, do we not, when, how, why? Woe betide you have a hangover and feel nauseous, because that must be PREGNANCY. Fancy a pastrami sandwich? PREGNANCY. Bit of heartburn from the pastrami sandwich? PREGNANCY.
Incessant questions and nudge nudge wink winks on having children are doing my head in. .

^ Are you me?!!! The worst offender for me is my MIL....she accused me of being pregnant because I .....had a COLD! !!!!!!?! As if that wasn't weird enough, it was over xmas and I was quaffing the champers like a good 'un.....not something I'd have been doing if up the duff. No wonder they had two, if they thought it was germs that brought kids! :rotfl:

Oh yeah, and the other well thought out, logical comment was when my DH was off sick with work related stress and depression, her suggestion was that we ''should have a baby. It might make you happy''. Hmm, a pretty risky strategy, in my book! :shocked:

Thing is, I am so mad with myself because I just know she/they are capable of being so rude/nosey/interferring/bossy, and yet they still astound me every, single time, and I have yet to give them a snappy comeback. I am however, going to try and remember another posters commet of ''Wow, did you mean to be so rude?'' and hope I can whip it out when next required!

SandC

I don't seem to get asked much but then I've been single for an age so......

The only thing that irks me slightly is the selfish issue. Please don't call me selfish. I am not selfish. Those who sit there and judge how someone in my situation might be terribly lonely in my old age because I chose to not have children - they are the same ones who think it's selfish. Don't see what is selfish about apparently intentionally making myself lonely in my twilight years to be honest!

The only other thing is occasionally I look around me and wonder why I haven't trodden the same path as the majority. It's nothing at all to do with career like many people think, so it's not a choice based on making money and climbing the corporate ladder. It's just something that has never appealed to me and no boyfriend has come along who changed my mind about that - which I always said might well happen (even though I suspected it wouldn't).

I would never be so rude as to question those who do have children though - I am the exception to the norm after all and so shouldn't get offended just by someone asking. It's only if someone keeps on about it that it becomes an issue.

tbourner

My only issues with not having kids is the world is missing out on my amazing intelligence and good looks being passed on.

catkins

glossgal wrote: »

I've never wanted children and don't mind being asked about it..it's just the uncomfortable silence that follows when you tell people you don't want them. Usually followed by an insincere 'oh that's your choice' etc. The thing is all the parents who post on these threads say they dont give a fig or judge but this doesn't reflect my own experience with parents who you discuss this with. One friend knows my feelings on the subject (although only my OH knows the true extent of my anti-kiddies stance!) but will still ask me quite often if Im going to have them as if the previous conversation never took place :mad:

Also for me its smug parents generally who put me off having kids and its annoying because I often feel its two faced. The older I've got, as a childless couple you get a bit of perspective and insight on relationships and families around you because you're not in the clique and people see you someone 'safe' to confide in. I can honestly say the most frustrated and unhappy group would definitely be those with kids! Loads of 'em are miserable as hell lol

I have sometimes wondered if some of the more rude comments I have had made to me have not been because the person was not that happy themselves.

I too find I am often confided in by friends and colleagues of both sexes and sadly, I have lost count of how many of them have said if they could go back in time they would not have children. They all say they love their children to bits but if they knew then what they know now they would not have any

faithcecilia

catkins wrote: »

I have sometimes wondered if some of the more rude comments I have had made to me have not been because the person was not that happy themselves.

I too find I am often confided in by friends and colleagues of both sexes and sadly, I have lost count of how many of them have said if they could go back in time they would not have children. They all say they love their children to bits but if they knew then what they know now they would not have any

I wonder this too. People are keen to ask me if I have changed my mind and now want them, but I would never ask a parent (unless a very close friend in private) if they had changed their minds after having children...

tbourner

I see it as saving the planet anyway:

LJM

rinkydinkpanther wrote: »

My husband and I don't have any kids, so I've experienced some of this kind of thing myself. I find a really good way of dealing with this or any other kid of intrusive, aggressive or just plain rude questioning is to look surprised and say something like " gosh, did you really mean that to sound as rude as it did ? I'm sure you can't have done". It completely wrong-foots people every time, they generally mutter an apology, slink off and never do it again...

love it well done i have children always wanted them but i dont think anyone who doesn't want children should be hassled for their reason it is their choice,i have a friend been with her hubby 17 years and they never wanted kids again out of choice. i think society knocks people if you do or if you dont, if you have too many or only the 1 i personally dont think anyone wins either way