"so why don't you want children?"

scooby088

Only reason i am selfish!!!!!

Frugalista

Here's a pretty good reason for not having children....

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-1346357/World-faces-overpopulation-disaster-number-people-set-rise-75-million-EACH-YEAR.html

scooby088

I also add, i do have experience of children, my OH has her own and i love them dearly but the experience has put me off wanting any of my own in the future.

vegasvisitor

Chaos_Monkey wrote: »

^ Are you me?!!! The worst offender for me is my MIL....she accused me of being pregnant because I .....had a COLD! !!!!!!?! As if that wasn't weird enough, it was over xmas and I was quaffing the champers like a good 'un.....not something I'd have been doing if up the duff. No wonder they had two, if they thought it was germs that brought kids! :rotfl:

Oh yeah, and the other well thought out, logical comment was when my DH was off sick with work related stress and depression, her suggestion was that we ''should have a baby. It might make you happy''. Hmm, a pretty risky strategy, in my book! :shocked:

Thing is, I am so mad with myself because I just know she/they are capable of being so rude/nosey/interferring/bossy, and yet they still astound me every, single time, and I have yet to give them a snappy comeback. I am however, going to try and remember another posters commet of ''Wow, did you mean to be so rude?'' and hope I can whip it out when next required!

Oh, you reminded me of something bizarre. MIL once whispered to others that I might be pregnant at a FUNERAL. Why? Because I didn't want to get drunk. Oh dear. It was about 5 years ago, so she knows she was wrong :rotfl:

RadoJo

I'm really surprised at the number of threads on here in which people have come up against negative attitudes towards the child free. My husband and I are in our early thirties and don't have any kids, but are considering it in the future, and we have never come across any of this negativity. My brother and his girlfriend have been quite open about the fact that they don't want kids, and they don't seem to encounter any of these intrusive and humiliating questions either.

I do however think that a lot of people consider it 'small talk' of a sort, without really considering that it's an emotive topic. Similarly, I think that people need to appreciate that this is not necessarily a subject that people want to share their honest feelings about, which makes it quite unique in normal conversation. If we were to find out that we were unable to conceive, I think I would be tempted to tell people who might ask (not that many would, but if it came up) that we had chosen not to have children because it would be easier, but having to 'defend' that position would be difficult. I generally believe that if people are prepared to voice an opinion, they should be prepared to defend that opinion as well, or at least explain it, but the issue of whether to have children or not is such a minefield that even I would normally leave it alone, even in jest!

As such, I can imagine people making comments such as some (not all, by any stretch - some of them are downright rude!) of those on here probably don't even consider the fact that they might be upsetting or offending someone with their comments. Perhaps it's a sign of lack of imagination - I have heard people say that they don't know what they would talk about with their partners if they didn't have kids for example - which suggests to me that they can't really contemplate a life unlike their own, and perhaps feel subconsciously threatened by the fact that someone has chosen a life so different from theirs.

Similarly, perhaps parents whose children choose not to procreate do feel that it is somehow a reflection on their parenting skills, and feel responsible for their children 'missing out' on something that brought them joy. I think that because everyone with kids did, at some point, not have kids they often consider themselves to be experts on the subject of both without considering the fact that they may not really understand the choice not to procreate.

I suppose we are all guilty of putting our feet in our mouths at some point in our lives, and in most cases it's not really a big deal and can easily be laughed off or forgiven, but there are certain subjects which I think everyone should realise are off limits unless the person you're talking to brings it up and offers information. Either way, anyone asking questions about someone's child-bearing status without giving a thought to the maelstrom of emotional considerations demonstrates a lack of tact, empathy and class.

ETA I do also think that there is guilt on both sides - I have a friend who doesn't want kids who will go out of her way to be rude about other people's children and make a big deal out of specifically NOT looking at people's pics etc whicb seems unnecessary to me. Ideally, everyone letting everyone else get on with whatever they want to do would be nice, but in the mean time I am glad that my friends don't seem to give a second thought to whether we're going to pop out a sprog or not.

Gavin83

Done_and_Dusted wrote: »

What annoys me is when you have to work xmas because you don't have any children so the people "with" children can have it off. Like their xmas is more important than mine!!

Thats never happened in my workplace. Frankly I'd put my foot down if I wanted the time off, don't see why having children automatically should allow you time off over non child parents. As long as Christmas leave is shared fairly I don't see a problem.

pupsicola

KiKi wrote: »

What, working alone and living alone?

KiKi

Totally bliss. My life is full on and noisy and Im surrounded by kids from 6am to 8pm. Two of my own and 35 of other peoples (am a teacher) Give me peace and quiet and solitude anyday. Id love it.

Googlewhacker

I love living alone and its brilliant, I like spending my money on me, I like doing my own things, I like watching the TV, I like slobbing around not tidying up.

I like not being a parent however I do wonder if in time that will change.

DevilsAdvocate1

I often get the opposite - I have 3 children. I know 3 couples who do not want children and every time I see them I get chapter and verse on why they don't want them. I dont' have to ask, they just start the conversation. And then they ask if I wanted a girl because I have 3 boys.

But you know, I think often people are being friendly and just want to make conversation. They perhaps don't consider that it could be hurtful or upsetting.

Slightly off topic, but I upset my SIL on New Year's Day because I asked her if she was happy where she was working and if she thought she would stay there. I was only trying to be friendly and start a conversation with her. She thought I was being intrusive and gave me a piece of her mind. I felt 2 inches tall by the time she had finished her tirade. That is the last time I try to speak to her.

But how dull life would be if we all stopped trying to be friendly.

D.

KiKi

pupsicola wrote: »

Totally bliss. My life is full on and noisy and Im surrounded by kids from 6am to 8pm. Two of my own and 35 of other peoples (am a teacher) Give me peace and quiet and solitude anyday. Id love it.

Yes, that's why I love it! I could never be a teacher. I'd end up hating kids, I think.

KiKi