"so why don't you want children?"

DUKE

I knew at a very early age that I didn't want kids & I've heard it all. The worst thing that was said to me was this -

Daft bloke at work - You married?
Me - No
DBAW - You've got kids though haven't you?
Me - No
I really couldn't believe the next bit
DBAW - You've had some though haven't you?
Me - NO!
DBAW - That is strange
Me - No it's not
DBAW - You live with your parents?
Me - No, got my own place
DBAW - Council accomodation is it?
Me - No, I own it
DBAW - You got a sugar Daddy?
Me - No I live alone
DBAW - Don't you like men?
Me - Look! I own my own place, I'm not married, I'm not a lesbian, I do like & go out with men, I don't have a sugar Daddy, & I've never given birth, had any kids & had them adopted, or any abortions ...
DBAW - Oh I didn't mean that ....
Me - No, you didn't say it but you thought it didn't you?
DBAW - Well, that is strange

Plans_all_plans

Googlewhacker: I would make a distinction between mothers who work because they have to (financially) and those who go out to work all hours just to further their career. In the case of those who work ONLY to further their career: something will suffer, because you can't mother well AND work every minute of the day in my opinion. If your career's not suffering, your children are!

I feel for those who HAVE to work, when they'd rather not. I personally believe that the best place for a mother is with her child.

SandC: If you just "quite like your job" and so want to stay in it after you've had children (not because you need to financially) then I think you should rethink your priorities and put your children first.

ninky_2

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

Googlewhacker: I would make a distinction between mothers who work because they have to (financially) and those who go out to work all hours just to further their career. In the case of those who work ONLY to further their career: something will suffer, because you can't mother well AND work every minute of the day in my opinion. If your career's not suffering, your children are!

I feel for those who HAVE to work, when they'd rather not. I personally believe that the best place for a mother is with her child.

SandC: If you just "quite like your job" and so want to stay in it after you've had children (not because you need to financially) then I think you should rethink your priorities and put your children first.

every so slightly judgemental? plenty of children have been raised well by father's, grandparents and nannies as primary care givers - or at least helping raise children. how do you decide when a job is financially needed or not? unless the money earned is all going on the working mum then it is helping the family and that can be an important factor in providing for a child. not everyone wants to rely on a male being the sole breadwinner.

Plans_all_plans

It's not judgemental, it's my opinion. No-one will ever convince me otherwise.

Yes, I realise grandparents and fathers can bring children up acceptably. (My own mother looked after my daughter for the first 2 years as I had to work. As soon as I could afford to stop working, I did.) Having had the experience of being a working mum and a stay at home mum, I can tell you that my daughter is better off with me at home, with ME looking after her.

I don't understand the attitude of 'not wanting to rely on a male breadwinner' at all. If you can afford to look after your own child, why wouldn't you?

Of course if I went out to work the money would go on the family as a whole, but where would my daughter be? The family would benefit financially, but not from my time...and what does a child need with excess money, once its basic needs are met?

ETA: I realise the matter of "whether you can afford to be at home" is subjective and is entirely dependent on the lifestyle of the parents. However, I would suggest a lifestyle change, before putting a child into a nursery.

Nevertheless, all of this deviates from the topic of the thread so I won't comment anymore as I realise it's not relevant to the OP!

Googlewhacker

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

Googlewhacker: I would make a distinction between mothers who work because they have to (financially) and those who go out to work all hours just to further their career. In the case of those who work ONLY to further their career: something will suffer, because you can't mother well AND work every minute of the day in my opinion. If your career's not suffering, your children are!
QUOTE]

I disagree there are plenty go getting women workers who are parents that get a nice balance between working and looking after their children.

Googlewhacker

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

It's not judgemental, it's my opinion. No-one will ever convince me otherwise.

Yes, I realise grandparents and fathers can bring children up acceptably. (My own mother looked after my daughter for the first 2 years as I had to work. As soon as I could afford to stop working, I did.) Having had the experience of being a working mum and a stay at home mum, I can tell you that my daughter is better off with me at home, with ME looking after her.

I don't understand the attitude of 'not wanting to rely on a male breadwinner' at all. If you can afford to look after your own child, why wouldn't you?

Of course if I went out to work the money would go on the family as a whole, but where would my daughter be? The family would benefit financially, but not from my time...and what does a child need with excess money, once its basic needs are met?

ETA: I realise the matter of "whether you can afford to be at home" is subjective and is entirely dependent on the lifestyle of the parents. However, I would suggest a lifestyle change, before putting a child into a nursery.

Nevertheless, all of this deviates from the topic of the thread so I won't comment anymore as I realise it's not relevant to the OP!

Your view is judgemental and just because thats your opinion its not everyones on how to live their life with their children

mumps

I think itis really silly to assume that everyone wants the same thing. I am the mother of four and grandmother of two and I can't think of anything worse than having a baby if you don't want one. I love mine, really I love all babies, I loved being pregnant, giving birth, breastfeeding the whole lot but I can well understand why someone wouldn't. In fact I think it is easier to understand why someone wouldn't than why they would. If I think of what a comfortable life I would have had without children it is breathtaking. All that money for me, all that time for me, never havingto host a birthday party of a group of boys hell bent on wrecking your house, choosing somewhere I want to go on holiday without thinking is it child friendly etc. Yes I understand why people don't want children, maybe I am a bit of a masochist because I wouldn't change mine.

Gavin83

CherryRea wrote: »

From a parent-

I'm jealous of your carefree life. Coming and going as you please. Not being dragged out of bed at 6am because a certain someone needs some cocopops and a hit of Hannah Montana.
Babysitters are hard to come by. So is the dinner money that needs to be paid on a Monday but oh no I've spent my last £20 on a pair of new school shoes for madam. I hate the small talk the other parents at the school gates try to make with you. Sorry I'd love to stay and chat about the nasal fluids that are running down your little cherubs face but I need to get going to work. Need the pennies to buy the expensive school unifrom this school insists on us buying. Then there's the endless kids parties I have to [STRIKE]go to[/STRIKE] buy stupid presents for. Why am I buying a present for a kid I've never even met?? I don't even buy myself stuff but here I am buying a Disney Princess set for that little brat that threw sand in my DD's face last week :mad:
Of course children are great. By that I mean mine

Would I swap DD for a childfree life? Am I allowed to say yes but only if I could have DD back a few years down the line?
No of course not. Saying that makes me a baaaaaaaaaaad parent

Childfree by choice peeps I saulte you!

It takes an extremely brave parent to admit they'd happily swap their child to become child free once again...

rosered1963

I get asked all the time why me and my husband don't have children, and if we are trying for children, even though the people who ask me know that I have only been married (for the first time) for two years and am 47! I have recently started a new job and every person there has asked me this question. The men say " you don't look your age - you can still have kids" The women say "Why haven't you got children - don't you like them?" I am used to answering this now. I just tell them straight - I met the right man too late. I didn't want to have children unless I was absolutely certain that I had a man who would be with me long-term (as sure as you can be) to give children stability and the love of both parents. That's what I had and I wouldn't bring children into the world with anything less. To some women, having children is so important that they allow themselves to become pregnant even when the relationship is bad, transient, or on its way out. (Many of my friends have done this and all of them are single parents now - that's ok, but they aren't very happy.) One of the few things in life I am proud of is that I never did this.

I do laugh when people say to me "But who will look after you in your old age?". That's so funny. I look out for 4 old people in my village - do their shopping, paperwork, heavy work around the house, help them when they are ill, and they can always ring me when they have a problem or worry. All of them have grown-up children and grandchildren, but apart from 2 visits a year - Christmas and Easter, their children are never around for them at all.

SandC

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

Googlewhacker: I would make a distinction between mothers who work because they have to (financially) and those who go out to work all hours just to further their career. In the case of those who work ONLY to further their career: something will suffer, because you can't mother well AND work every minute of the day in my opinion. If your career's not suffering, your children are!

I feel for those who HAVE to work, when they'd rather not. I personally believe that the best place for a mother is with her child.

SandC: If you just "quite like your job" and so want to stay in it after you've had children (not because you need to financially) then I think you should rethink your priorities and put your children first.

Heh? But I don't have children and won't be having any either. I completely agree with you though, if you can do it, being at home with children would be my choice if I did have children. But I don't so it's irrelevant. The point I was trying to make is that not everyone is in an either/or situation. Those of us who don't have children don't necessarily have high flying careers and that is not the reason we don't have children. Likewise I feel it is every woman's choice if she does have a high flying career to have children too if she wants. Same as many men see little of their kids at a young age due to work commitments, in my eyes that doesn't mean they are neglected if both choose to have time consuming careers. I have cousins who went to boarding schools because their parents worked abroad so much. Doesn't mean they weren't loved.