"so why don't you want children?"

ellay864

I'd never dream of asking anyone...it's easy to assume a financially successful stable couple are childless by choice by so often that's not the case. A former colleague who had to share an office with me while I was pregnant, endured everybody talking to me also asking her if I'd 'convinced her she should have a go' and why she hadn't done it yet (she was a few years older than me). She had suffered 2 ectopic pregnancies and then had to have a hysterectomy so naturally found the constant questioning quite upsetting

shellsuit

missbishi wrote: »

Neither me or OH have ever wanted children either, but at 34, I'm sick of people telling me that "time is running out"! Thankfully, my mother is very accepting of this and does not think it is her "right" to have a grandchild. Possibly the worst thing I ever heard was "Who's going to look after you in your old age?"

Do people really have children for this reason?

I didn't have children so they could look after me, and I didn't have children to produce grandchildren for my own parents.

Mind you, some people who have gay children are upset at the thought that their child won't give them a Grandchild, so same thing I suppose. (Although I have a friend who is gay and her and her civil partner have 2 gorgeous children!)

Please don't tell me there actually are people out there who do have children so they can look after them in old age or think that is what their child should do?? :eek:

catkins

Over the years I have been asked more times than I can remember why I don't want/have children and had some really rude comments, sometimes from people I barely know.

First day in a new job and a male colleague asked how many children I had, when I replied none he said "do you want any". I replied "no" and he said "why did you get married then?". He then went on to tell me I was not normal!!! I asked to be moved to another department after that.

Another job a colleague (again I had only known her about 2 weeks and we were not particularly friendly) asked about children. When I said I had none and was not going to have any she said "well I hope you have lots of friends because if your husband dies before you you are going to have a very lonely unhappy old age"!!!

Another colleague asked if I had children when I said no he literally did a double and asked "how long have you been married" (obviously thinking not long). When I replied "20 years" his face was a picture!

I have been told I am selfish, I will be lonely in my old age also quite a few people have asked why I got married. I have lost count of how many times I have been told "I would regret not having children". I am in my mid 50's, been married over 30 years and have never regretted not having children.

When me and OH went to see our doctor after a few years of marriage for him to get a vasectomy the doctor said "I would change my mind in the future". When I said I was positive I would not she told me "it was not normal for a woman not to want children".

At least now I am in my 50's I don't get asked if I will have children but do still get asked how many children I have (people almost always assume you have children).

Both me and OH actually like children a lot. We have always been close to our neices and nephews and friends children, taking them out and having them to stay so their parents could have a break alone.

jcr16

going a bit off topic, but following similar lines about what peeps ask you.

i HATE and i mean HATE when i've been preg and others seem to think it is their business to know if we planned the baby or it was an accident!!!!!!! What bl**dy right do they have and what does it matter. If we didn't want the baby we'd do something about it. But we love all our children and furture children wether they came alone planned or not. and if un planned i'd never want a child of mine to feel they were an accident. nothing is an accident. it all happens for a reason.

Is someone gonna view a child of mine any different if it was unplanned or planned.

BitterAndTwisted

I'm in my mid-fifties and never had the slightest desire to have a family. I've never felt the need to share this intelligence with other people, especially strangers, and when asked the inevitable impertinent question I've nearly always answered that circumstances precluded such a decision. They can make up their own minds about whether I'm terminally unattractive, infertile, unmaternal, celibate, a lesbian or anything else and I'm not going to enlighten them. They can mind their own ruddy business!

thebaileys

There are too many unwanted children in the country.

So well done to people who decide not to have children.
It is a personal choice, and has nothing to do with anyone else.
Children are for life, and not everyone wants them.

I myself have a child, but I have many friends who have chosen not too have them. I would never question this, you don't need to have children to fufill your life. Many people are happy without them.

*Maya*

jackieglasgow wrote: »

I never wanted kids and did change my mind, still can't quite understand how that happened :rotfl: There was a really good and interesting thread on this last year, it might be worth a look, or worth resurrecting?

EDIT I bumped the other thread for you

I remember that thread. :eek:

Some people are just insensitive. I would never ask that question in case I was treading on someone's feelings.:(

**curlywurly**

A colleague said to me "you people who only have one child are even worse than those who have none". I am not often speechless !!!

onlyroz

What on earth would all you "I'll never have children" people have done if you were born in an era before contraception was invented?

minimoneysaver

What's wrong with asking about intentions for children.....I'll tell you. You never know, but the person maybe trying & having problems conceiving or having IVF or applying to adopt. They may have decided not to have a child out of their own choice. It is PRIVATE. It is non of our business what anyones intention is. If they want us to know, they will share.