"so why don't you want children?"

sashadesade

I wish I knew. I wouldn't think of asking someone why they want to have kids, it's their choice, so I don't know why some people feel the need to act like you're a freak of nature if you don't want kids. Live and let live I say.

debulition

I've figured that some people do it to validate their own lives and their own choices. Everyone's choices are their own, but some people get scared when others choose a different path... it leaves them to wonder if they wandered down the wrong path themselves.

I get particularly irked by the people who tell me that they never wanted children until they had their own, but that it's been so amazingly wonderful they're sure my life will be better when I change my mind too... :mad:

missbishi

Neither me or OH have ever wanted children either, but at 34, I'm sick of people telling me that "time is running out"! Thankfully, my mother is very accepting of this and does not think it is her "right" to have a grandchild. Possibly the worst thing I ever heard was "Who's going to look after you in your old age?"

Do people really have children for this reason?

Bufger

missbishi wrote: »

Neither me or OH have ever wanted children either, but at 34, I'm sick of people telling me that "time is running out"! Thankfully, my mother is very accepting of this and does not think it is her "right" to have a grandchild. Possibly the worst thing I ever heard was "Who's going to look after you in your old age?"

Do people really have children for this reason?

I hope you said 'a nurse, thats why i pay my tax'

missbishi

[QUOTE=drutt;40168058}
I get particularly irked by the people who tell me that they never wanted children until they had their own, but that it's been so amazingly wonderful they're sure my life will be better when I change my mind too... :mad:[/QUOTE]

Oh yes drutt, I hate this one too! As if my life will be made magically amazing as soon as I take on extra responsibility, gain another mouth to feed, get up at 4am to change nappies and put my own, already full, life on hold for the next 16 years only to have it all thrown back in my face during teenage strops! No thank you!

dontone

I used to get it all the time, more from work colleagues that my parents. My mother used to say things like "when I'm a grandma" but I've now made it clear that kids for me and DH are not part of our plans. We have a dog though that she treats like a kid, as do we so she's quite happy with that.
It used to annoy me at work though. One guy in particular used to comment "about time you dropped a sprog!" My reply - "about time you kept your nose out of my business" (had a few choice words that I can't write here though in that)
I finally shut him up one day when he said "One day - and should be soon - you'll have kids of your own" My reply "yeah and one day you will" as his grown up son was stood next to him. Never heard a peep from him after that, although everybody noticed that every so often he'd stare at his son rather suspicously. :rotfl:
What I'm trying to say is OP is that it really is no-ones concern except yours when or if you want children.

sashadesade

missbishi wrote: »

Possibly the worst thing I ever heard was "Who's going to look after you in your old age?"

Do people really have children for this reason?

Oh yes, I've heard this one too. Quick, better set about creating a carer for my old age!

pupsicola

cgk1 wrote: »

Why are people (well generally parents*) so aggressively noisy when you tell them (after they have asked) you don't want or plan to have any children? Even worse some seem to take it as a personal insult or suggest that it must mean that you had a terrible childhood. What's all that about?


* Edit: I should be a bit clearer - I mean 'people with children' not my parents who couldn't give a toss either way.

I am a parent now, but I can still remember how fed up I got of peoples comments when I was kid free. I got married at 23 and my husband and I didn't know for sure whether we wanted children or not.

People went on and on at us about having kids. My now ex mil even went as far as to suggest we must have fertitlity problems. The last straw came when she said I should fall pregnant to prove I could and if I still didn't want a baby I should abort it :eek::eek::eek:. Cant repeat on here what my response to that one was. Silly woman treating such a serious next step in life so flippantly.

When we bought a big house the first thing people assumed was that we would want to fill it with kids. Got the predictable "oh not long now till the sound of tiny feet", to which I replied we would not be getting a mouse infestation. I just responded to their daft remarks with humour. As much as I felt like :mad::mad::mad:

Even when we were speaking to our friends about buying a car they would suggest the big people carriers, "got to plan for the future, nod, nod, wink, wink" :cool::cool:

Out of sheer selflessness we were adamant that if we did have kids we wouldn't do it till I could be a stay at home mum. There is nothing wrong with childminders and the like but personally I want to bring my kids up my way. I also couldn't be doing with a sleepless night and then dragging myself into work. Am too bloody lazy.

It isn't anyones business but yours whether you have kids or not. I dont ask people whether they plan to start a family. When I finally did decide I wanted children I suffered 3 miscarriages before a successfull pregnancy. Its rude and insensitive to comment on peoples life choices when you dont know the background to their decisions.

Yolina

lol, I'm 38 and I've never wanted kids. When people ask, I just answer "I'm not child-friendly". Having said that, some of my friends have kids and I can just about spend a day at their house without going mad (I guess that's because I know I'm only there for a day lol) The whole thing is just not appealing in any way - I don't want to be pregnant, I don't want to give birth, and I don't want to spend the next 18 years looking after kids, school stuff and everything else - no thank not my cup of tea... I just haven't got the kind of patience that's required for children, I like peace and quiet and being able to do things without being interrupted.

Edit: obviously I have nothing against people who have kids, it's their decision but please don't try to push your choice of lifestyle on me . I have 2 cats though

peachyprice

cgk1 wrote: »

Why are people (well generally parents*) so aggressively noisy when you tell them (after they have asked) you don't want or plan to have any children? Even worse some seem to take it as a personal insult or suggest that it must mean that you had a terrible childhood. What's all that about?


* Edit: I should be a bit clearer - I mean 'people with children' not my parents who couldn't give a toss either way.

Erm, bit of a generalisation there!

I'm a parent but couldn't give two hoots one way of another whether a couple want/don't want children, it's none of my business.