"so why don't you want children?"

cgk1

Why are people (well generally parents*) so aggressively noisy when you tell them (after they have asked) you don't want or plan to have any children? Even worse some seem to take it as a personal insult or suggest that it must mean that you had a terrible childhood. What's all that about?


* Edit: I should be a bit clearer - I mean 'people with children' not my parents who couldn't give a toss either way.

faithcecilia

My mother once told me I was being selfish and depriving her of her right to be a grandmother!:eek: Now that I work looking after a young child people are always asking me if it has made me change my mind. Err, NO!!! I love the child I care for but there is not a maternal bone in my body.

I think some people just don't understand that you can be a 'normal' woman and yet have no desire to be a mother yourself.

Bufger

As a parent that didnt want or plan children i can sort of see this from both sides!

Up until last March i was set on never having children, the whole plan was to have lots of money and travel the world. Both of us were in high earning jobs and we lived a really good life!! For us it was a selfish reason to not want children but thats what we wanted so that was that.

As soon as my partner fell pregnant i felt paternal instantly. I think its more a chemical thing that happens but i wanted the baby and knew i would be the best dad. I felt guilty for ever feeling like i didnt want a child! I approached my partner VERY CAREFULLY on the subject and found out she felt the same. Now we're both very happy parents that may be less tanned and more tired but ultimately still very happy.

I think its a mixture of responses. Some people are always very maternal and have been from the start. They've always wanted kids and cant understand why you wouldnt - you weirdo!!

Others are in the same position as you or possibly me. They may feel a little guilty that they once didnt plan or want kids. They may even feel jealous that you're living the life they wanted to live before their unruly brats came along and spoilt it all!

Ultimately you should be happy with whatever decision you've made but always be prepared to adapt or rethink to new situations should they arise.

tiff

Never say never though, I was never maternal and couldnt imagine myself with kids. Then I met DH who felt the same way and within months we had both changed our minds.

Sublime_2

No idea. I wouldn't be without them now, but would have changed a few things in life for me, if I hadn't had them.

jackieglasgow

I never wanted kids and did change my mind, still can't quite understand how that happened :rotfl: There was a really good and interesting thread on this last year, it might be worth a look, or worth resurrecting?

EDIT I bumped the other thread for you

Sambucus_Nigra

I don't know. I've never had that. I've not got kids, don't want kids and aren't going to have any kids. But I've never been asked it and if someone told me their opinions about my comment I'd tell them to sod off. Or I'd just patronise them and tell them that their mummy brain can't contemplate higher states of being so there's not much point in explaining it.

faithcecilia

I think another thing is people assume we will change our minds. I know many do - some posters her being such people - but I changed the other way! If someone had told me 10years ago I wouldn't have children I wouldn't have believed them - I was very broody and wanted nothing more than to get married and have a big family. But over time I have realised that its simply not for me.

shellsuit

I'd never ask anyone a question like that!

Firstly, it's bloody rude and none of their business.

Secondly, the person who they're asking, might really want children, but are unable to, so they just live life and hide behind the lie that they don't want them ~ imagine how hurt and upset someone like that would be if people were always asking them why they didn't want/weren't having children.

Some people want children, some don't.

Some people change their minds and some don't.

It's a personal subject which has nothing to do with anyone else.

jcr16

i never wanted children. i loved my young single life and the thought of kids stopping me, no way. but met my hubby and 19 and omg i never imagined i'd be saying i wanted a big family. i love having children and can't imagine why on earth i never wanted them. maybe i was deep down scared perhaps and it wasn't until i met the perfect man that i stopped being scared. who know's.

but don't worry op, your find in life what ever you do, someone always has an opinion in it. we find whatever we do if we tell oh's parents it always seems they find a negative on it. and try to dampen down what we wanna do. they never want to let us lead our own lives. so we now don't tell them anything. were planning to move, but not gonna tell them or anyone till moving day. because last time we were planning to move ( didn't work out tho) we said where we wanted to go. ( we live 8 miles from them, new house was about 6 miles in opposite direction from there house but not on main roads country roads) they said thats too far for us to drive so you won't see us. nothing like, oh how nice living in the country.

It does wind me up. i've learnt that as long as my hubby, children and i are happy then i don't care now what others think.

tbourner

We don't have any interest in children either, we both spend so much time with our dogs they are like kids to us. Our friends have a 2 year old boy (we're godparents) and my brother has a 3 year old girl (we're godparents) and we love them both beyond words and would do anything for them - but both families fully expected DW to get broody with them and she's shown no signs of it whatsoever!
It is annoying but we're the same with the dogs, we don't understand why people get dogs and it's 'just a pet' to them, and we get frustrated when they ask us around and we say we can't for dog reasons, and they get funny about it and ask why we can't just leave them alone all night.