Am I being silly getting upset by this?

victor2

Pee wrote: »

Asking for jewellery, asking for any gift, is a bit rude, but making it clear what you want from someone is only fair. Jewellery is also a very personal thing so the chance of getting it right without ever having discussed it is a challenge to say the least.

And how else are we mere men supposed to know what you ladies really want?? If my wife didn't like flowers but constantly moaned about the knackered old vacuum cleaner, I'd buy her a nice new Dyson for her birthday. Bound to go down well!

donquine

dandy-candy wrote: »

missbishi you totally understand my situation, mum's personality has been affected by her illness and it is very exhausting emotionally and physically. Tbh I am complete drained and so a little over emotional at the moment, and any small dig is having me in floods of tears.

dandy-candy wrote: »

I have been feeling like the skivvy at home for a while now so my sister's comments really hit a nerve.

Could your OH maybe help you out a bit more at home? I don't know if both of you work and if so, what kind of hours, but if your OH could help out a bit more (even if just on a temporary basis), having some extra time to spend with your mum or just sit in a room by yourself and try to deal with your feelings might be worth more than a shiny piece of metal at this point in time.

I realise your sister called you and not the other way round, but if you are feeling this low, it might be best to try and minimise contact with 'stirrers' like her! You've got enough to deal with right now.

Threebabes

dandy-candy wrote: »

My sister rang me tonight to tell me that my brother has given his wife of 3 years an eternity ring, then added how come my OH and I have been married much longer (12 years) and had kids and he hasn't bought me one? He should pull his finger out etc etc.

This has really upset me firstly because I know my sister loves to stir things up (she has a track record of this) but also because in a way I agree with her. He's not bought me any special keepsakes let alone a piece of jewellery since our wedding rings. I know it shouldn't be about gifts but it was already on my mind because my mum just a few days ago gave me her beautiful gold and diamond bracelet that my dad gave to her for their 10th anniversary and I thought then "How come for our 10th anniversary I just got M&S flowers??"

Ive been married nearly 14 year and haven't got an eternity ring.

You got flowers? Lucky you, all I get is to wake up with my lovely hubby every day - enough for me ;-).

tesuhoha

I think I probably take the record here. I got married 30 years ago with just a plain gold ring, registry office, two witnesses, no guests, pub, chicken in the basket lunch. I wore my work suit. The witness bought me a flower to wear in my buttonhole. No honeymoon.

He has never once bought me flowers ever, has never bought me anything for valentines day or our anniversary. He has only ever bought me two birthday presents ever although I always buy him something and most years including this year there is no Christmas present. We never go out for dinner or anything.

This year was our 30th anniversary and I said to him shall we do something nice? He said yes you can cook us a nice meal with a bottle of wine.

Would I swap him? No, never.

ninky_2

hmmm. did you ask how much promting / hint dropping your sister did to get this. all i'd say is, when you look into the short history of eternity rings....suckers!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eternity_ring

The concept of the eternity ring was created in the 1960s by diamond merchant De Beers.[2][3] Edward Jay Epstein alleges that at the time the company had a secret agreement with the Soviet Union which, in return for the creation of a "single channel" controlling the world's supply of diamonds, 'required' the purchase of 90-95% of the uncut gem diamonds produced by Russia.[3] The current fashion, particularly for engagement rings, was for a single, large diamond. The Soviet gems, however, were small.[2] To avoid stockpiling, De Beers embarked on a campaign of promotion of jewelry containing a number of small diamonds culminating in the eternity ring, which was aimed at older, married women.[2] One campaign slogan, aimed at husbands, was "She married you for richer or poorer. Let her know how it’s going."[4]

not quite appropiate here but also when it comes to flashy diamond engagement rings ever heard the phrase "the bigger the rock, the smaller the c@ck"??? actually i just made it up. but it's good.

wendz86

My Dad didn't buy my Mum one until they were married 25 years.As long as you are happy together it shouldn't matter.

FATBALLZ

You are not silly to be upset by your sister stirring things up. You are silly to be upset because your partner doesn't fritter away enough cash on inanimate objects. There are so many more important things in a relationship, and life.

exup

it is quite difficult not to be affected by peers, friends, familiy opinions without perhaps agreeing with what they are saying, or even have the opposite reaction and rebelling out of spite. seems that you don't need an eternity ring considering how long you have been married.
my ex - who I was with for around 11 years expected me to be psychic, but I had ever asked her if she wanted anything it would be no. Although if I didn't get anything for her it would cause even more problems.
One thing she made clear at the start of our relationship "I am not interested in getting married ! ! ".
and I soon realised that if I attempted to buy anything such as clothes or jewellry, it would have been returned for a refund as it would not be her style - even if we had sat down and discussed her style.
(earrings for instance would have to be of the "creole" type, made of silver - but even that is not so simple. the earring itself would need to be oval shaped, too round, or too squared off would not do - too plain or too fussy - the list went on . . )
I could buy her flowers, which I could get right - apart from being "too expensive"
I wouldn't do it too often to be meaningless, but I did like to do romantic things for her, something which I quickly learned wasn't appreciated (understatement).

But if you want the odd romantic gesture then perhaps give one back, or talk about what you would like, or would both like together - as its easy to fall into a rut and accept the status quo.

(As for me - It's my girlfriends 40th coming up this year, and she hasn't hinted what she wants - have an idea that in the past she has seen gliding on TV and made a side comment that she would love to give something like that a go. so maybe she will find a gliding course booked for her. maybe some clothes (I seem to have got the right kind of underwear that she likes *ahem* and me:p)

Fortunately I am close enough to my sister to realise that if she wanted to give her opinion it would be in my best interest and not for hers. (as for my brother, I'd take what he said with a pinch of salt)

shinytoaster

some men just don't do jewelry. Mine doesn't but it doesn't mean he doesn't love me. He is just Mr Practical to a Tee. Cat flaps, plug in ant killers, cookery books ... I could go on!

I know that she is your sis but she needs ignoring. Tell her to keep it (comments) cute or keep it on mute!

my_gorgeous_ellie-belle

Threebabes wrote: »

Ive been married nearly 14 year and haven't got an eternity ring.

You got flowers? Lucky you, all I get is to wake up with my lovely hubby every day - enough for me ;-).

Me too! In fact i've been engaged for 8, still not married yet, lol and i certainly don't get jewellery or gifts....but i do get dinner cooked for me and the house cleaned without having to say a word quite often....i'll take that over material things any day

I know someone who is showered in material things from her husband, she just hints and gets it but he's a lazy one and is often worse off money wise for all the spending which then spirals into rows....I'm glad i don't have that!