Am I being silly getting upset by this?

patchwork_cat

Your sister knows what button to press doesn't she! Traditionally an eternity ring is given on the birth of the first baby. I got mine when said baby was 3!

Fang_3

dandy-candy wrote: »

Thank you so much for all the replies, and also it's great to have some input from guys too on this subject.
Having slept on it and read through the above I really see now that it's more to do with feeling a bit low at the moment about other things (my mum is at the end stages of cancer - that's why she gave me her bracelet) and I have been feeling like the skivvy at home for a while now so my sister's comments really hit a nerve.
Someone asked about my sister's status - she divorced about 10 years ago and never met a guy to settle with again, she hasn't had a boyfriend for over 4 years now. She does love having a dig at me if not about my DH then it's about my weight or appearance etc. I don't know why i've kept in touch with her tbh but I think it's probably so mum doesn't get upset by a family rift.
DH is lovely but everytime I go shopping he says "Buy me something!" and I do, so he's showered with gifts (usually little treats or clothes) but tbh it's always one way. He's very good at woodwork and for Xmas I asked him to make me a bird house because it would mean more to me than a bought one, but he didn't bother which was a bit disappointing (I didn't say anything tho). I guess i'm just having a bit of a moan because although we are very comfortable together, it isn't really romantic anymore - I get taken out to dinner/cinema about 3 times a year even tho money isn't a problem and this whole gift thing has just really narked me.

What, if anything, did your mother give to your sister? Could this be part of it?

brians_daughter

Hi OP! I think it all depends on the relationship you have and the values you hold. I would be mortified if my oh bought me an eternity ring..not because i wouldnt love one, but because in our house the kids come 1st and i would much rather have a wonderful day/weekend doing things together as a family, lots of pics and a scrapbook to hold the precious memories with the money he would have spent on a ring.

My oh and I didnt get engaged for 5 years after planning on doing so as i couldnt stand the idea he wanted to spend ££££s on a piece of jewellrey when i would have been happy with a £50 token jesture...but he couldnt stand the thought of me not having the 'big diamond' most women talk about! So, it didnt seem right to me to get engaged when we couldnt both be happy with the ring choice (esp when its so significant - to me anyway)

Obviously, if its something you would like then maybe drop it in conversation.. or plainly spell it out (depending on the kind of hints your hubby will take!)

Sometimes, esp after so long and when things arent palin sailing we all are guilty of taking our nearest and dearest for granted..and its a hard rut to get out of.. it just needs a little work and straight talking to get things back on track x x

Stephb1986_2

What would you rather have? A few small gifts every time you go shopping or another ring on your finger, my mum has an eternity ring off my step dad it's gorgeous but she never wears it I think I've only ever seen her wear it a handful of times, sounds to me like your sister is sh it stirring because she is jealous of what you and your husband have together best to ignore her really. It's a piece of jewlery it's not going to make him stay married to your for longer than you already are. Don't forget when you had your wedding vows "til death do us part" thats eternity in other words love.

Chin up eh, Sorry to hear about your mum sending you massive hugs

Steph xx

Gavin83

diable wrote: »

Has your Brother given his wife any children?[\QUOTE]

You make it sound like some sort of present that the husband gives the wife.

To be honest I didn't even know such a ring existed. It does sound a little pointless once your married though seeing as you have a wedding ring although it's a nice idea for unmarried couples.

missbishi

Hi again OP, is it possible that you are feeling under-appreciated at the moment? Having cared for my father at the end of his life myself, I know you'll do absolutely anything and everything possible for your mum without a thought for yourself, but I know what a pain it is having to come back home to OH + kids and having to do the teas, laundry and skivvy around after people who are NOT ill and are perfectly capable of doing these things themselves.

Do you think that maybe it's not about a blingy eternity ring but the fact that you would like some sort of recognition, even just a heartfelt thank-you, from the OH for the hard work you do (and yes, house and kids is the hardest work ever!) keeping the household together?

pupsicola

If he is loving and thoughtfull in other waysy I really wouldn't worry about it. Some people are not materialistic and just like to show there love day to day instead of marking it with jewellery.

My ex gave me an eternity ring when our first son was born. Less than 4 years later he was up on charges for abuse and assault toward me. So that bit of silver meant nothing really.

Its not the jewellery you wear that matters but how you treat each other. As for your sister, I think she just enjoys stirring things up.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

csh wrote: »

If you read the post properly, its not the sisters husband. It is the OP's brother that has given his wife a ring and the sister is just stirring by passing comment. Sounds like you and her would get on great.

????

Ah yes, 'her' not 'the' was typed.

So terribly sorry for offending you.



So they don't get bought just a few months into a marriage (rather than a few years) in Diamond dealer-sponsored attempts to assuage guilt then?

Jolly good.

Personally I wouldn't get on with the sister, as I wouldn't really give a damn either way. All she would have got was a 'that's nice'.

Pee

diable wrote: »

You should never ask for jewellery, its given as a gift. Maybe I am old fashioned.

Asking for jewellery, asking for any gift, is a bit rude, but making it clear what you want from someone is only fair. Jewellery is also a very personal thing so the chance of getting it right without ever having discussed it is a challenge to say the least.

dandy-candy

Thank you for all the kind comments.
missbishi you totally understand my situation, mum's personality has been affected by her illness and it is very exhausting emotionally and physically. Tbh I am complete drained and so a little over emotional at the moment, and any small dig is having me in floods of tears.
A couple of people asked about my sis and the jewellery from mum - I got mums bracelet but she gave my sis her huge diamond engagement ring which was fine because each of us got the item we would have chosen.