Hubby hit me

mandi

Hi OP I'm going to give this advice to you straight , when you are a victim of DV for the 1st time your first thought is that it's a " one off" , he loves me , I love him .

Your head is all over the place because you cannot understand why. Your second thought is it won't happen again but it does & will .

It may be weeks or months but it will happen . In the meantime your memory fades, things are just the way they always have been and life is " normal " again . Because you love him you stay in the hope that " things will be fine "

The same feelings when it happens again , and again and again , just one more chance .

Understandably you don't want to leave him and your home as frightened as you feel but you must nip this in the bud before it escalates .

How you choose to do this is up to you . You can ride it out , wait and see or you can give him a firm indication that you will not tolerate this behavior by reporting him . It doesn't necessarily mean the end of your marriage , people can change , but in cases of DV it has to be with intervention , and it takes a whole lot of guts to do it .

Hats off to those who have come through it .

pupsicola

Mummy29 we haven't heard from you in over an hour. I hope you are okay. Please get in touch when you feel able :A

savingmummy

This is so sad and unfair on you and your children!
You NEED to get out. Yes it is scary but surely not as scary as wondering what will happen next or when its going to happen again?
Take yourself and the children away while he is at work tomorrow, go to the police and report it they will get you help and support.
You wont be left standing there with nothing you will get all support needed and protection ie, safe house or other accomadation and i`m sure your family will help whether they are miles away or not! PLEASE do the right thing for yourself and if not for yourself your 4 children.

Your priority is to keep yourself and your children safe, if your not being protected then how can you be strong and supportive to the children? They need to feel safe and know mum is happy and well.

He really isnt going to become an angel overnight if anything it will get worse, emotional abuse is just as bad as physical and shouldn`t be tolerated.

Take care and keep in touch x

Toodle

I do hope you're ok Mummy29 x

broxiebear1

go_cat wrote: »

what was the reason for this outburst?

Is he still there .... is there a risk he may hit you again .....

If so you need to leave now find somewhere a b&b old friends a hostel anything to get away

what was the reason
there IS NO REASON A MAN SHOULD HIT A WOMAN my wife came from a marrage where she was hit it took her a long time to pluck up the courage to leave her family new nothing about it. if he has done this once he will def do it again . if i hit my wife well i wouldnt yea we argue but there is a line you dont cross . please take your time dont arouse suspision and when you can get out yea it will be hard but you will be away from that scum bag of a coward:mad:

zillyboy

I have tried to read all of the replies so to not repeat anything but I first above anything do not panic. He is responsible for his actions and this is not fault.
I have no idea what part of the country you live in but try Dove Project 01702300006 They can give you vacancies on refuges.
National Domestic violence 08082000247

I have other number feel free to ask if you need them.

I work for a domestic violence perpertators program so know about the ment that do this ansd the consequences.

If you are still there remain calm then get a safety plan going.

Some mothers have made sure that previsions such as clothes, or cash are hid outside the house over time. This will help your exit if you have to go straight away.

There may be a surestart in your area. You could take the kids there for a 'Play session' Then ask the women their for advice and put you plan into place.

You do need to go photgraph your injuries and store them somewhere. Get a new email address and email it to yourself then erease the sent message.

Where possible when you go for a walk for some fresh air use phone boxes.
Using your computer clear your history. Better still set it so that your history is wiped everytime you close your internet session.

Will have a look tomorrow to see if you or any one else needs more info.

Take care and do what you can to be safe. but dont panic.



Make sure that documents with your id on are in your possession. If possible make sure you have

marleyboy

Phone the Police and report it, if your worried about where your going to go with the kids, throw him out, let him struggle to find a place to stay, let the Police escort him out if necessary , make it clear "That was the FIRST AND LAST TIME you will ever touch me.", be strong and be brave, dont think it will never happen again..........Once is one time too many, as soon as they step over that line, there is no going back. Know one thing for sure, HE is the coward.

If you have no pre-nuptials, hit him where it hurts the most, his pockets, take him to Court and take him to the cleaners. Most importantly GET RID and NEVER look back.

AllAdviceWelcome

I spoke to the OP via pm and have passed onto her the numbers for the specific ones in the area that she is, she did however go offline so im unsure if she has read it or not. I do hope that she is ok and can get back on to get the information that she has been given.

angela90

Mummy 29,

Hope you're ok. I've read through the thread and thought it might be useful for you to know some of the ways the law could work for you.

I agree with others that if you're safety is threatened you should get out with your kids but that doesn't mean that you need to leave your home permanently. You should do so temporarily if you are worried for your safety (and it sounds like you are) but then you can apply for a non-molestation order. This can be done almost immediately and can be done without your husband even knowing that you have applied for it. The order would legally prevent him coming near you or the home. It doesn't matter if the house is in his name and he can still me made to keep paying the mortgage etc which might be a worry for you as well. A non-molestation order could be in place within a couple of days.

You don't say if there is a history of violence or whether your GP or police have records of previous incidents. For a non-molestation order to be granted then there will need to be evidence of your hisbands behaviour. If you have no money / savings of your own or if you are on benefits then you should qualify for legal aid which would mean all the proceedings are free. Even if you need to pay then the court might make your husband pay your costs. I am suggesting below one course of action that you can take.

Suggested course of action.

If you feel that you or you children are in danger then get out immediately. Contact police and/or women's aid and arrange help to get out or alternatively for the police to get your husband out.

Contact your gp in the morning. Even if you do not feel you need treatment it is important that they have a record of your injuries if you decide to take any action now or in the future. Also they will have seen others in your situation and be able to provide some important support.

Make a full and frank statement to the police. Even if you decide to reconcile with your husband you should have this record as an insurance policy to protect your future safety.

See a solicitor tomorrow. You should be able to walk in off the street and have a free initial consultation. Thay can advise on your legal options and entitlement to legal aid. Again even if you don't go down this road now you should know your rights.

What you decide to do from there is up to you but you will at least have some suppport and advice and know your options.

Sorry if this is long winded but I hope my advice is useful.
please feel free to get in contact if I can help.

Angela

DitaVonTee

Mummy29, you don't have to leave you're property at all. Call the police and make a formal complaint, they WILL arrest and remove him - Domestic Violence IS big news now.

It doesn't matter whether he's you're husband or you're partner, or whether he's the home owner - they would remove and arrest him.
Please don't back down & certainly don't feel sorry for him if you do this, he has brought this completely on himself by putting his hands on you. He don't have that right, never did, never does.

There is a likelyhood he will be bailed depending on the severity of you're injuries and whether or not he has anywhere else to go, if he don't he will be remanded, don't matter if they don't have space, they'll find some - if he's bailed he will have conditions set and part of those conditions would be, that he doesn't come anywhere near your home, you and your children, if he breaks his bail conditions he will be arrested again and this remanded into custody for breaking his bail conditions. The police will more than likely make a referal for you to womans aid & social services, womens aid can be of huge support to you they can even provide a grant to secure you're home ect, such as security CCTV, Door Locks, Door Rollers, Panic Alarm etc...This is called the ''Safe as houses Grant'' or something along those lines which is set up by womens aid and funded by you're local authority, ask them about it - even if it's just to get a panic alarm installed and extra door locks. You'll have the panic alarm for 13 weeks, but can apply for an extention on that if you don't feel safe - all this is free and won't cost you a penny.

Also, if possible take a trip to A&E and at least get them to take note of all you're injuries should you decide you do want to press charges - and at least to make sure you are okay. ((((Hugs))))

Edited to add...

Also, forgot to mention, if you do go ahead and report this and press charges, of course you are allowed to withdraw you're statement, but, the police now have the powers to press charges anyway in domestic violence cases, you'll be treated as what they call a ''hostile witness'' so any court case pending against him, would go ahead anyway regardless of whether or not you decided to withdraw you're statement - if you do report him, I strongly urge you don't do that anyway, he deserves everything he gets and tenfold.