Hubby hit me

jollyme

Please,please seek professional advice from one of the agencies mentioned early on. Or ring the Samaritans. And keep strong! It is most unlikely that he will change for the better, you and your children can have a long and beautiful life ahead of you. Someone once said to me the only person you can change is yourself... something that I often remind myself of when I find myself thinking that I can change/influence others.
Hugs to you but also ...strength and confidence!

doodlesmum

Mummy29,please dont let him do this to you anymore,no one has the right to use violence against anyone.He cannot continue to do this to you.Please call go to the the police if you can get there would be better tell them you fear for your safety,take photo"s of what he has done.There are people out there who will help you to stop this happening.
Any man who can hit a woman is a bully and a coward,you need to get him away from you and your children asap.Please let us know you are ok,stay strong.

Doodlesmum.

skipsmum

The best piece of advice I have ever been given was "leopards don't change their spots".


Please leave, it will get worse if you stay. There is lots of good, practical advice on here, my only advice is that family and outside agencies are far more understanding than you might think.

Lobell

Mummy29

I hope you have contacted Womens Aid by now, or the Domestic violence helpline. I know the prospect of leaving with your 4 kids is scary but you have many more options available to you than you think. Womens Aid can help you leave OR they can help you stay at home and keep yourself and your kids safe if that's what you prefer. They can give you support to got to Police/courts (for non-molestation orders etc). They will also advise re: making an escape plan if you do plan to leave. They will also advise on your accommodation options and assist in ensuring you get access to any benefits you are entitled to.

Womens' refuges are not as bleak and scary as you imagine (I see many of them in the course of my work, and talk to staff and residents) but the refuge is only one of a variety of services that Womens Aid offers to women suffering domestic violence. Please do contact them whatever your immediate plans are. Knowledge is power.

fletch3163

I feel slightly unqualified to post here, but my worry about you spurs me on.

I'm worried that you feel too sheepish to come back on because you're just not ready to take the advice. It must be a huge thing you're contemplating.

If it's the first time it's happened the shock of that in itself is a huge thing to deal with, never mind the isolation you also feel, combined with the fear.

From what I can see there are a lot of people on here who genuinely have your best interests at heart, even though they don't know you. This forum always amazes me with how giving you all are.

Even you "speaking" out loud will be helpful. Articulating what you feel does help. We're all faceless but our hands are definitely reaching out to you.

I'm sure nobody will judge you, whatever your decisions/feelings.

pupsicola

Im hoping the reason the op is not on is because she has contacted the police and they are helping her.

This may sound stupid to anyone who has not been abused, but to report a partner to the police even in these circumstances, is an agonising decision. It took me along time to be able to do it.

Please know mummy29 that none of this is your fault, whatever your husband may have told you. There is nothing anyone can do that justifys another adult abusing them.

murphydog999

I think it's a good sign that she has not been on this morning, hopefully she is too busy making arrangements. Fingers crossed everything is ok.

sueaye

I have been following this thread since it started and logged on today to see if Mummy29 had logged on. I didn't say anything previously as I didn't feel qualified enough to. But I just wanted to say that your situation reminded me of a friend whose husband hit her, it took years for her to leave- she left in the end because he hit the children. So my advice would be, get out before it gets like that. Look after yourself and your children. Hope you are ok, everyone is here for you.

74jax

mummy29 wrote: »

my family live miles away,and really dont have the room for us,iam going to get the kids to bed then ill take laptop to bed with me,very wary that he will see what i have wrote

I am pretty sure if a member of your family turned up with children in tow under the same circumstances you wouldn't turn them away.

Please go to a family member/friend, they will offer you love and support unconditionally.

Would you want your 4 children to grow up thinking what they are witnessing is normal. What advice would you give your child if they came to you with this problem, would you say to stay or get out?

Please please have the strength to move out.

DitaVonTee

I too have been wondering how everything is going & I pray that you and the children are okay.

I'd just like to repeat, you don't have to be the one that has to leave and have you'res and you're childrens worlds turned upside down - not sure if you do, but if you have over 5's they'll be starting back at school within the next few days I presume (my own start back tomorrow).

If you haven't already done so, I strongly urge you to get yourself off to A&E and have them note you're injuries and to check that you are okay. Then I'd call the police and have him arrested today. Obviously his arrest will remove him & like I said previously he will probably be bailed but he won't while on bail beable to return to the family home - part of his bail conditions will be that he stays away from the home, you and your children, the police also have special domestic violence officers, who will support you & the children, support you're decisions and make referrals to outside parties that can assist you - you don't have to do that yourself should you decide to press charges against him, the domestic violence officers will do it all for you. If memory serves me correctly Social Services have 7 days to respond to the Police Forces referral - they usually do respond within the next day of recieving that referral, they in turn get you all the help and support you and you're children need, this includes access to outreach workers employed by womans aid/refuge ect to visit you at home to offer some way of support and someone to talk to - you don't have to talk about you're situation at all - you can talk about anything you want they are there to help and support you and you're children. In doing this it can open many doors for you, you could get to meet people in exactly the same situation as you are now enabling you to form friendships and a network of support in the area that you now live - should you choose that you actually do want to stay there.

Womans aid will also assist in helping you to claim any benefits you are entitled to, assist you into getting onto a housing list and finding somewhere closer for you and the children to be housed near you're own family - that's if you make the decision that you want to move.

Also, I must also mention should you decide that you don't want to make a complaint against you're husband/partner and don't wish for him to leave - want to stay together ect...(Even though in my own mind it's unthinkable) it may be worthwhile speaking to womans aid at some point to seek advice on getting him onto a Domestic Violence Perpetrator Course - they do run these nationally I believe as do other charities (If he went to prison for what he's done to you he would have to complete one of these should you decide to press charges whilst there). He may not want to do this, but I believe he should, as most men who do this really don't understand the impact their actions can have on the whole family until they have - also, it would be the first step into making him realize that he should not and must not ever do something like this again, if he does indeed love you and his children.

Unfortunately I can't link to charities that run Perpetrator courses nationally as I'm a newbie Just google ''Respect UK'' and it should come up in the google listings.