Hubby hit me

snoop2008

sueeve wrote: »

But I am hoping that she has got out, and doesn't have access to a computer at the moment to let us know how things are.

Lets hope that is the case. I can't imagine the emotional impact she must be going through trying to keep things together and doing what she can for herself and children. I hope she has the support outside as she has online here!!

I remember years ago speaking to a group of women who had fled situations like this. When asked why did they stay, many had reported that they loved their partners who had geniunely felt sorry for their abusive behaviour, and claimed to never act like that again but did. Loving someone can make us blind not because we do not know the difference between right and wrong, but simply because we have the capacity to care about the person who hurts us.

A jekyll and hyde personality is often used to describe abusers, one minute they are lovely as pie and then another they are someone whom women do not recognise. A woman may love a man, but it is their abusive behaviour that in time ,they can not accept and needs to change.

Lets hope we hear from her soon!!!

snoop2008

Bloomin_Freezing2 wrote: »

Mummy 29, I do hope you are ok, we are all rooting for you here.

I must admit, a have a feeling she may no longer need our advice as she's made her decision to carry on 'for the sake of the children'. I hope I am wrong.

Blooming Freezing, that could well be the case, we will never know. I feel it's a very differcult situation to do what is right for the best. Like I mentioned before if he is sorry and claims to change, then he would geniunely need to seek help if he wants to keep his family together and really work through the issues he has. Unfortunately for some men, they never really grasp the idea that they have a problem so therefore would not admit to anything and if that be the case, they will never take responsibility for their behaviour.

My only concern here and I am speculating, if she has decided to stay, he will get the message that it is ok for him to treat her badly. A woman will often make this decision because she believes a man would change. Unfortunately we can not change anyone but ourselfs.

jackieglasgow

I have to say, if mummy29 has made the decision to stay for now, she won't be wanting to rush back and update to be told she's wrong, no matter how well meaning any of us are.

Mummy29 if you are lurking and don't feel able to take the discussion much further, maybe you could contact the BG and ask her to close the thread? Than at least you won't have to read any more "where are you?" comments, and we will know you are still Ok for now, then if things get difficult again, you can always come back for more help. I hope you and the children are OK.x

pupsicola

Whatever you have decided to do op I hope you are okay.

Bloomin_Freezing2

jackieglasgow wrote: »

I have to say, if mummy29 has made the decision to stay for now, she won't be wanting to rush back and update to be told she's wrong, no matter how well meaning any of us are.

Exactly, you know how it is..it's ok for me to moan about hubby being lazy sometimes or whatever, but if anyone else chips in, it's not ok. Funny how we all work. She may love this man, chose to spend her life with him and have his children. This will be such a shock to her. Don't know if I could make a snap decision. But it's easy for people to say they would when they are only looking in.

beasygirl

I too have been checking this thread to see how OP is doing, OP whatever you decide please let us know you're ok.

This site is about help and support not judgement, there are so many of us thinking of you. xx

Desperate_Housewife_2-2

just passing through hoping mummy29 is ok ((hugs))

fijiflowers

i to have bin in this situation an it took me 6 yrs an 1 last very nasty attack where police an social services got involved an told me it was him or my kids as i was failing 2 protect them from emotional abuse from them picking up on the dv 4 me to leave, so me an my 5 children the youngest being 9mths an the oldest 7 yrs to a refuge an did the freedom programme which opened my eyes 2 all the abuse i had bin reciving which i did'nt even think was abuse as it was so minor in my eyes to what else could happen sometimes, also group councilling and individual counciling some of the kids needed councilling to, it took 8 months 2 get a house but it was the best thing i ever did as it never gets better only much worse an more often, u hav 2 change who are as a person 2 try and keep the pecse always walking on egg shells thinking before u speak, not having any friends or allowed any money, my ex would always take a child with him wen he went out as he knew i would never leave without them all, it is hard at 1st but then yours an your childrens life will improve so much an the refuge staff help so much with everything money, clothes, housing, solicters etc. i had never been 2 the police before the last attack either feeling ii was 2 blame an i did'nt deserve any help.
my heart goes out to you an your children i no how hard it is and the time has 2 be right for you, if you did stay no one would judge u just let us no you all ok you can pm if u like,but moving 2 a refuge was the best decision i ever made 4 me an my children an i honestly belive i would not be here today if i had stayed an then my children would of ended up in care with no one. take care , much love to you xoxo

elfen

Am dipping in and out of this thread (has happened to me as well, ended up in a refuge around 2 and a half years ago) and just hoping you've got the hell outta there with the wee ones and you're somewhere safe.

dizzyg_2

mummy29, i really do hope you are ok, please listen to the advice everyone has been offering.

The thing that worries me is that after some sleep and the dust settles a little you might be thinking that you were over reacting, that it wasn't that bad, even feeling embarrassed for making a fuss.

I know this was the mistake I made and I kept telling myself that for 18 months. I really hope this is not the case and you are in the process of getting yourself and your children out of this situation.

If you are feeling this way please remember how you felt when you first posted, no one should ever make you that afraid in your own home and it is certainly not love.