Hubby hit me

mumpig

Just some more love and hugs-hope your ok-keep strong-also the love & support from fellow mse people towards someone they don't really know is making me cry, so heart warming in these times

sassyblue

mumpig wrote: »

Just some more love and hugs-hope your ok-keep strong-also the love & support from fellow mse people towards someone they don't really know is making me cry, so heart warming in these times

I keep looking in too to see if mummy29 has updated. I really hope she has got out and is in a refuge unable to post.

I can understand not wanting to break the family up and fear of the unknown but l speak as a child who witnessed violence against my mother and l wished she had got out then, but there wasn't the help 30+ years ago.

zillyboy

I think it would be a good time for us to let mummy29 have some space. Also we need to acknowledge that this is the most dangerous time for her and her children. Leaving the abusive partner in panic can add to the two women and children a week that die as a result of Domestic Violence.
Like 100% of women in this situation she will have to find her own safety plan. That could be to go or stay. Either way it is her decision. She will know whats best. She will reduce the risk to what ever she can tolerate for now.

Womens safety workers who I have worked with for over 3 years, and my training and understanding points to this,

Domestic abuse thrives in isolation.

If you have a friend that is involved with a man you dont like or he does everything possible to make her friends feel unwelcome. Do loose contact
Never sms, email or facebook questions or advice if you can help it. Control means that he will look at these and may inflame risk.

If you ever witness women or children at clear and present risk. Report it. She may not be required to press charges. However it will mean that there is record of it. Hospitals, the police, social services, schools etc are getting better at talking to each other. I have been part of two brillant case where a woman who could not read or write and with no access to money, services, started a new and safer life.

Abusers focus on reducing womens choices. As friends, family and work mates we should not toloerate any form of abuse.

Sadly we all turn a blind eye or make an excuse from time to time. The oh she is a bloody nightmare no wonder. If he didnt drink etc so much it would be fine. Its just because they have money worries. Oh she just wont leave it alone it was in the past (the beating, the affair etc)

There is no excuse for it. If a dog was repeatedly kicked in the street we would call the police. When a woman is verbaly or physicaly abused in a pub, at a party, in supermarket we tend to slow down a bit and it then becomes not my problem.

We have a responsibilty to make sure that our sons are able to be emotionaly and mentaly strong enough to express their thoughts and feelings appropriately. We need to make sure that our daughters are equally strong enough to not allow the erosion of their self esteem to an extent to feel that they are to blame for the abuse they recieve.

We all need to have the belief that it is wrong and there is no excuse.

Percy1983

I hope the silence is a good thing, my thoughts are with all involved.

Padstow

zillyboy wrote: »

I think it would be a good time for us to let mummy29 have some space. Also we need to acknowledge that this is the most dangerous time for her and her children. Leaving the abusive partner in panic can add to the two women and children a week that die as a result of Domestic Violence.
Like 100% of women in this situation she will have to find her own safety plan. That could be to go or stay. Either way it is her decision. She will know whats best. She will reduce the risk to what ever she can tolerate for now.

Womens safety workers who I have worked with for over 3 years, and my training and understanding points to this,

Domestic abuse thrives in isolation.

If you have a friend that is involved with a man you dont like or he does everything possible to make her friends feel unwelcome. Do loose contact
Never sms, email or facebook questions or advice if you can help it. Control means that he will look at these and may inflame risk.

If you ever witness women or children at clear and present risk. Report it. She may not be required to press charges. However it will mean that there is record of it. Hospitals, the police, social services, schools etc are getting better at talking to each other. I have been part of two brillant case where a woman who could not read or write and with no access to money, services, started a new and safer life.

Abusers focus on reducing womens choices. As friends, family and work mates we should not toloerate any form of abuse.

Sadly we all turn a blind eye or make an excuse from time to time. The oh she is a bloody nightmare no wonder. If he didnt drink etc so much it would be fine. Its just because they have money worries. Oh she just wont leave it alone it was in the past (the beating, the affair etc)

There is no excuse for it. If a dog was repeatedly kicked in the street we would call the police. When a woman is verbaly or physicaly abused in a pub, at a party, in supermarket we tend to slow down a bit and it then becomes not my problem.

We have a responsibilty to make sure that our sons are able to be emotionaly and mentaly strong enough to express their thoughts and feelings appropriately. We need to make sure that our daughters are equally strong enough to not allow the erosion of their self esteem to an extent to feel that they are to blame for the abuse they recieve.

We all need to have the belief that it is wrong and there is no excuse.

You contradict yourself many times Zillyboy.
You say she needs privacy, then use her username in your first sentance.
"Domestic abuse thrives in isolation." So you then advise "Do loose contact." It has to be one or the other surely?
"Like 100% of women in this situation she will have to find her own safety plan." Utter nonsense thank God. There is all sorts of help out there, as you say you've witnessed it yourself.

I could go on, but just to say isolation does not breed domestic violence, fear does. Most women have seen a friend/relative/workmate with bruising. When asked how it happened, it's the old case of having walked into a door. Those women aren't isolated, they're fearful of telling the truth.
Womens Aid 0808 2000 247 Freecall and doesn't show on itemised BT bill.

sandraroffey

i stuck with a controling manipulating control freak of a hsband for 37 years.

when he finally snapped and decided to throw gunpowder evrywhere and was trying to find matches to light it, is when i decided to call it a day. the reason he finally snapped?? because for th first time in my life i stood up to him, and he didnt know what had hit him.

when my sister called the police he waved a shotgun in her face. they took him away and wouldnt let him out. BUT, the domestic violence officer was on the doorstep first thing the next day. she was my lifeline at that time.

and not telling everyone what he is doing, gives them licence to carry it on. no one believed me when they found out what had happened; they all thought he was the pillar of society; a great bloke. what him????? never.

tell the world and loudly.


i didnt need to go somewhere else at that time; he was held on remand and then sent to prison but when he came out of prison, he wouldnt leave us alone. so it was them i had to run.

and run i did. i lost everything i had, a business, a house that was rented out, but i was safe. and that was what mattered.

i was 55 when i had to run and my children helped me hugely. without them i would have gone under.

my advice to you is get out, and get out now. no matter what he says and what he promises, he wont change. it will only get worse. do you still see yourself doing this in ten years time??

keep you and your children safe. please.

pupsicola

Padstow wrote: »

You contradict yourself many times Zillyboy.
You say she needs privacy, then use her username in your first sentance.
"Domestic abuse thrives in isolation." So you then advise "Do loose contact." It has to be one or the other surely?
"Like 100% of women in this situation she will have to find her own safety plan." Utter nonsense thank God. There is all sorts of help out there, as you say you've witnessed it yourself.

I could go on, but just to say isolation does not breed domestic violence, fear does. Most women have seen a friend/relative/workmate with bruising. When asked how it happened, it's the old case of having walked into a door. Those women aren't isolated, they're fearful of telling the truth.
Womens Aid 0808 2000 247 Freecall and doesn't show on itemised BT bill.

I agree with you

Peakma

mummy 29, I do hope you have found the strength to get out of your situation. You have been on my mind since the beginning of this thread, and have checked in a few times, to see if you have updated, and have been personally concerned for your safety.
There was an article on the wright stuff this morning, which really brought you to mind, really hope this isn't in fact you.
Good luck.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1357216/Missing-mother-Marie-Stewart-stabbed-death-home-garage.html

rozmister

I don't think that article could be the OP (thank god) because the husband told everyone his wife had left him before Christmas and the OP posted at the beginning of January. The last sighting at present of the lady in that article is 11th December.

I really up the OP is ok, domestic abuse never gets better but it is terribly hard to leave men like that. One of my favourite quotes from a friend is "You don't get over it, you get through it" and I would say that's something a lot of survivors could relate to. After leaving you realise over time that it doesn't have to be like that all the time.

Best wishes mummy29 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

JBD

Peakma, Mummy29 has 4 children so I think this is another very sad case.
Hopefully Mummy 29 is safe with her children now. I also hope some others may have found support from the messages on this thread.