MSE Parents Club Part 16

sir_monster

delain that's awful, lillian glad lo is ok.

did anyone's dh go off them after a baby?? we haven't dtd since baby (over 5 months) so basically after trying to intiate things it comes out that he doesn't really fancy me anymore as i have put on weight (i am a stone over my heaviest pre baby and now a size 16 compared to a size 12 to 14 before). I feel really down now and have been trying to lose weight by going swimming twice a week and walking more but main prob is as I'm bfing I can't stop eating!! He says he still loves me, wants to be with me but just doesn't find me attractive! I do love him but it does make me question being with someone who is shallow?

gill_81uk

sir_monster wrote: »

delain that's awful, lillian glad lo is ok.

did anyone's dh go off them after a baby?? we haven't dtd since baby (over 5 months) so basically after trying to intiate things it comes out that he doesn't really fancy me anymore as i have put on weight (i am a stone over my heaviest pre baby and now a size 16 compared to a size 12 to 14 before). I feel really down now and have been trying to lose weight by going swimming twice a week and walking more but main prob is as I'm bfing I can't stop eating!! He says he still loves me, wants to be with me but just doesn't find me attractive! I do love him but it does make me question being with someone who is shallow?

Sir M that's awful *massive hugs*

Was he present at the birth? I wonder if it's more that he's having issues getting his head round it all rather that not fancying you iyswim?

sir_monster

thanks gill we had a big discussion last night and is the weight that i have put on that is putting him off!! Plus I had a c section so was nothing going on down there iyswim!

gill_81uk

sir_monster wrote: »

thanks gill we had a big discussion last night and is the weight that i have put on that is putting him off!! Plus I had a c section so was nothing going on down there iyswim!

I see what you mean, I was wondering if he'd seen everything happening he was using the weight as an excuse

I really don't know what to say or advise as I would expect DH to fancy me no matter what and would be devastated in the same position. Have some more *hugs* though

delain

sir_monster wrote: »

delain that's awful, lillian glad lo is ok.

did anyone's dh go off them after a baby?? we haven't dtd since baby (over 5 months) so basically after trying to intiate things it comes out that he doesn't really fancy me anymore as i have put on weight (i am a stone over my heaviest pre baby and now a size 16 compared to a size 12 to 14 before). I feel really down now and have been trying to lose weight by going swimming twice a week and walking more but main prob is as I'm bfing I can't stop eating!! He says he still loves me, wants to be with me but just doesn't find me attractive! I do love him but it does make me question being with someone who is shallow?

Hmmm.

On one hand he was honest about it, on the other hand, that really isn't nice! You get married for love, not on the basis that you must stay a certain size.

I think maybe you should tell him that you are doing everything that you can but without help and support (which means him making an effort even in the dtd department) you'll end up just being miserable.

Also point out that you have to eat to bf and is the welfare of his son or your dress size more important to him?

And that if your body shape is so important so is his and he better have a 6 pack by the end of the month. lol. Might wake him up a bit to how unreasonable that was.

And unless you're only 4ft tall I don't see a stone making that much difference to your overall shape?! I don't think a 16 is that huge.

I'm a 16/18 atm, biggest I've ever been but there is nothing my OH can say being as he's built like shrek, belly and all

You could also point out that dtd is the one of the best forms of excercise. If you feel like dtd anymore after what he said :eek:

MERFE

morning all

Sir monster I can not believe that, what a way to get you down. I don't know weather you should be pleased he feels he can be so honest with you or furious with how shallow he is being. Right now I'm furious for you. I went from a 12 to 16 with my first and have not lost that weight yet if my OH had said that well we wouldn't have had anymore at least. I have the complete other problem where I'm completely indifferent to anything sexual at the mo but OH won't leave me alone. I think that is so harsh since you are doing all you can as well to lose the weight, but it shouldn't matter anyway. What's he gonna do as you get older and change anyway, if he doesn't like a couple of extra pounds whats he gonna be like with wrinkles etc. Sorry I'm still fuming. I can often feel really down about my apperance, loads bothers me, too much weight, too hairy, too short (I know nothing can be done about that one) need a haircut etc but if OH mentioned it, well way to make a person depressed.

I'll try and get over that now sorry

One a happier note we meet up with some other mum friends yesterday, one had a little boy 5 months ago and it was really good to see them all, gonna go out with them at the end of the month too so it'll be good to chat without the kids about for a change. I've also got a friends 30th birthday to go to in just over a week so I really need to go clothes shopping - I have absolutely nothing to wear and no decent shoes (I have spent far too long in my trainers or crocs oops).

emsywoo123

Sir M I remember you from the preggers thread, just wanted to send a virtual hug after your OH decided to make his announcement! :grouphug: sorry it's a bit pervy LOL

kitkat5566

*massive hugs* Sir M, ur OH seriously needs a kick in a certain place. You've had a baby! Your body is bound to change and a size 16 isn't even big anyway! My OH says how I've gained weight since stopping expressing but I tell him I've had a baby, my body has changed and i cant shift the weight so easily. Ive told him of he doesnt like it he can faff off! He hasn't said he doesn't fancy me and if anything he seems more interested in DTD than ever before when I'm literally too tired! I would talk to him though and maybe suggest he sorts his body too, maybe a 6 pack?!

Seriously though Sir M your obviously too good for him, if your hungry through feeding your baby then your just doing the best for your son. I ate so much when I expressed and you need to to keep up your energy and supply.

My baby appears to only be happy rolling on the floor! Had a horrible night, lots of crying from 12 until 3am, from both of us! Poor little guy has got chest/ sinus and skin infection. Gota use an inhaler which he liked at 1st but now hates

SugarSpun

Ah SirM, how upsetting

I've not lost all the weight I put on while pregnant after 18 months - while breastfeeding your body tends to keep reserves as well as being starving, so expecting you to shrink back down is unrealistic. I suppose it's good that he's able to be honest with you but I think reciprocal honesty is in order because your body will look like it does now for a while - pregnancy isn't the end of the effect a child has on your body.

jillie1974

aww sir m how awful.
(((hugs)))