MSE Parents Club Part 16

weezl74

redmel1621 wrote: »

The problem is, I don't do anything else...all I am at the moment is a mum, therefore I feel that I need to be supermum. When I was working too, I wouldn't feel guilty about having a chippy meal each week, or feeding the kids an oven dinner and me and dh eating later. Maybe I put too much pressure on myself and then refuse to ask for any help as I would then feel like a failure....

Mel, I think it is normal for anyone to need a break from what they usually do. Being a mum is relentless and hard, and I can only imagine what it is like with 4!

Please let yourself off the hook? You do so much for DH and your 4. I am amazed you feel less than a supermum. What would make you feel like you can accept help and take a break and make fish finger meals (or easy equivalent) EVERY night if that's what you needed to do? All asked in a loving way

MERFE

Mel another thing we have been having so I feel they have had something decent is jacket potatoes as I can just chuck them in the oven after lunch, turn them over at some stage and then they are ready just after they get in from school and loads of different things goes with them. I don't think there is anything wrong in giving yourself a break and anything for an easy life I say, but I know what you mean when I didn't work when the other 2 were young I did feel more pressure to be the perfect housewife/mother whereas since I'm on maternity this time I feel I deserve a break/rest as much as possible.

Thanks for the luck we will see how it goes, if he is stirring I'll get him up but the last few nights I've been waking him from fast asleep which seems pointless to me especially since it normally means I'm staying up 1-2 hours later than I otherwise would. I can only try it, if it doesn't work we can go back to what we have been doing.

honeypop

I had my session with the counsellor today, it was quite amazing and I came out feeling so light like an actual weight had been lifted off me! Not sure what I was expecting but she was very good and knew when I wasn't being 100% truthful, that's her job I guess.

After a very long discussion, in which she asked me most of the questions I was expecting and a lot of chatter that I assumed was irrelevant, I literally cried buckets as she summed up her thoughts as she was spot on. Mainly: I am suffering from birth trauma from first time round, which in simple terms I ignored in order to try and carry on as normal, this managed to stay hidden until it was no longer ignorable and my brain faced the fact that there was indeed another baby in there and it was going to have to come out somehow. My 'bad episodes' are how this has presented itself at this time. Along with this, I have a bad habit of pretending things aren't bothering me and carrying on as normal struggling to manage sometimes, and finally my lack of being able to ask for help or assistance in anything just tops it off and sent me over the edge.

Whereas I'd be happy to ignore something that was bothering me to the point I can pretend it doesn't exist, and pretend I'm coping just fine when I could do with saying to someone 'would you mind having DS for an hour or so while I get this done or go here, or rest or get some sleep' for example, I can see that I'm not able to cope with everything and nor should I feel like I have to.

No medication needed as it would only mask the problems, so she advised another session next week to follow up (following her summary of what she thinks about me, we did a massive talk on the birth trauma which helped big time), and perhaps try and get some help in plaxce before the baby comes so that I'm not having to ask for help when I need it, more that I already asked for it beforehand, eg asking people if they wouldn't mind popping round at a certain time on certain days to see if I need anything doing/getting, arranging some time with people to take new baby or DS (or both!) out for a bit so I can rest etc.

Just thought I'd follow up my post of yesterday incase anyone was interested lol!

SugarSpun

Hello BargainPrincess and welcome

Good luck everyone getting wee babies to sleep in their baskets/sleep past their dream feeds/sleep at all

That sounds really encouraging and helpful honeypop

And thanks everyone for kind words, I was so upset that I'd put poor Miss M in such a sad position yesterday but in retrospect I'm not going to try again - I wouldn't feel able to make plans for times she was there if I wasn't certain that the organiser was also there and in any case the multiple-noses-one-tissue bit made me _pale_

Mazcabs

Thats fair enough SS.

Sounds like a promising meeting Honeypop

Hi Bargainprincess :wave:

gill_81uk

I also feel very sad for poor Miss M and totally understand why you don't want to take her back - there's no way you'd feel comfortable leaving her if the organiser wasn't there.

redmel1621

After thinking about it a bit SS, I don't think I would go back either!! I completely understand where you are coming from and know the need to feel 100% comfortable with who you are leaving your child with. This is the exact reason we don't get a break from our, as the only one I trust is my mum...

Honeypop, glad things went well today xx

Weezl - I don't feel like supermum at all, far from it in fact. If the house was sparkling like a show home, I was working and studying part-time and dh was also working full-time/part-time and also studying, then I may 'allow' myself the easy cooking a few days a week....but as none of that is happening yet, I feel that the least I can do is make sure everyone is eating a full home cooked feast everyday....As for asking for help, I doubt I could ever bring myself to do it, I am a 'just get on with it' kinda person!!

xx

honeypop

redmel1621 wrote: »

As for asking for help, I doubt I could ever bring myself to do it, I am a 'just get on with it' kinda person!!

Me too, and it has sent me crazy hasn't it!!

redmel1621

honeypop wrote: »

Me too, and it has sent me crazy hasn't it!!

Me too...:(

SugarSpun

Neither one of you lovely ladies is crazy, you're both busy and lovely mummies who spend so much time looking after your littlies that you've not had time to look after yourselves as well as you look after the people around you. Big hugs to you both.

Husband has just put the beastie down for a nap. At 6:30pm, unfed, before an 8pm bedtime. He sees nothing weird about this.