Bitter sister in law

shellsuit

ceridwen wrote: »

WHEW! What an odd idea to "wind someone up" about something....

Personally - I would neither know how to "wind someone up" or see the point of it.

All I know about "winding people up" is that some people seem to derive pleasure from it - for some reason that totally eludes me..

Yes you would, if you can make up an AE and message people with it, that's winding them up so please stop being a hypocrite.

Alittlesad

momofone wrote: »

Tell her to get stuffed!-Life is too short to waste on people who are nothing but negative around you.
You're pregnant and you need all positive energy around you.You've got a husband who loves you, two beautiful kids,if your sister -in -law cant be happy with you,too bad.

(Sorry for being so blunt-thats just me).
All the best.

Momofone

I don't want to tell her to get to get stuffed, hence this thread.
However I don't want to follow Ceridwen's advice and compromise my feelings just to keep my SIL happy when she has never had the same regard for us.

bunty109

Alittlesad wrote: »

I don't want to tell her to get to get stuffed, hence this thread.
However I don't want to follow Ceridwen's advice and compromise my feelings just to keep my SIL happy when she has never had the same regard for us.

Maybe you just need to say to her that there's she needn't feel compelled to buy any presents for any of the children, although if she did mean that she would buy for 2 and not the third, then you'd rather she didn't give any of the children presents as you'd wish for them all to be treated the same way by her? I'd also say that you really appreciate her opinions, but hope she can respect yours - the world would be a boring place if everyone felt the same!

I think you then just need to move on and realise she probably won't be close to the children....if you're anything like me then you probably just need to have a darn good vent about the situation and can then move on! Maybe ask your OH to talk to her as your pregnant and don't really need any upset if she chooses to do some more straight talking!

Alittlesad

bunty109 wrote: »

Maybe you just need to say to her that there's she needn't feel compelled to buy any presents for any of the children, although if she did mean that she would buy for 2 and not the third, then you'd rather she didn't give any of the children presents as you'd wish for them all to be treated the same way by her? I'd also say that you really appreciate her opinions, but hope she can respect yours - the world would be a boring place if everyone felt the same!

I think you then just need to move on and realise she probably won't be close to the children....if you're anything like me then you probably just need to have a darn good vent about the situation and can then move on! Maybe ask your OH to talk to her as your pregnant and don't really need any upset if she chooses to do some more straight talking!

Thank you.That makes alot of sense.

rachbc

ceridwen - I notice you refer to siblings? Are you from a family of more than 2? if so have you cut yourself off from the 'unneccessary' third child on the basis that really your parents shouldn't have had the child...if you were/are the third child would you expect to be treated differently because of this? or expect your sibling to be?

What if a person has very deeply held and passionately felt racist views - would it be ok for them to be rude to a sibling's partner if there were a different race? Not comparing the two views btw just pointing out the strength of one's views doesn't make them right or that everyone should respect them!

Brighton_belle

OP, I'm a third child:D. My parents are now elderly and I bring them great joy. I'm sure yours will too.

I cannot understand anyone punishing a child for their parent's choices, or thinking it a good moral choice to treat a 3rd child differently to their siblings.

ceridwen

rachbc wrote: »

ceridwen - I notice you refer to siblings? Are you from a family of more than 2? if so have you cut yourself off from the 'unneccessary' third child on the basis that really your parents shouldn't have had the child...if you were/are the third child would you expect to be treated differently because of this? or expect your sibling to be?

What if a person has very deeply held and passionately felt racist views - would it be ok for them to be rude to a sibling's partner if there were a different race? Not comparing the two views btw just pointing out the strength of one's views doesn't make them right or that everyone should respect them!

I dont give any personal identifying details on MSE - so will not be answering the first question.

Re racist views - in my family this is where one of the fundamental differences would arise - ie if my family had found they were about to have an in-law of a different race - then sparks would have flown for sure. If I had been the one to choose a husband/partner from a different race - then that would have been one of the occasions where I would quite likely have had to "have a blazing row" with my family to get them to accept them - which I think would have boiled down to "You can still have your views generally on that - but you WILL accept my husband/partner OR.....lose me....". Which raises another question - which may be the one you are actually asking me - and the answer to that is "I dont think there is anything wrong with choosing a husband/partner from a different race/background/etc"...and my own personal opinion on that is I would have been quite prepared to choose one from a different race or accept anyone else doing so..(because its just a matter of personal choice only whether one sticks to one's own race/background/etc in who one chooses...). The difference lies in whether one's choice affects others.

andrealm

Indeed it is a personal choice but then isn't the number of children you decide to have also just a matter of personal choice?

MrsE_2

Alittlesad wrote: »

I don't want to tell her to get to get stuffed, hence this thread.
However I don't want to follow Ceridwen's advice and compromise my feelings just to keep my SIL happy when she has never had the same regard for us.

I think 2 children is enough for & perfect for any family.

But I still think you should tell her to get stuffed.

Because while that may be my view, it doesn't mean I can impose it on anyone or expect everyone else to agree.

rachbc

ceridwen wrote: »

I dont give any personal identifying details on MSE - so will not be answering the first question.

Re racist views - in my family this is where one of the fundamental differences would arise - ie if my family had found they were about to have an in-law of a different race - then sparks would have flown for sure. If I had been the one to choose a husband/partner from a different race - then that would have been one of the occasions where I would quite likely have had to "have a blazing row" with my family to get them to accept them - which I think would have boiled down to "You can still have your views generally on that - but you WILL accept my husband/partner OR.....lose me....". Which raises another question - which may be the one you are actually asking me - and the answer to that is "I dont think there is anything wrong with choosing a husband/partner from a different race/background/etc"...and my own personal opinion on that is I would have been quite prepared to choose one from a different race or accept anyone else doing so..(because its just a matter of personal choice only whether one sticks to one's own race/background/etc in who one chooses...).

Goodness no I absolutely wasn't asking your opinion on mixed race marriage - what I was getting at was should ALL views be respected equally just because they are strongly held and not respecting them would upset the holder of those views - and clearly thats not the case. You would be prepared to upset the holder of the view (the SIL) if what you wanted for your (the OPs) life didn't match what she felt you should do...in fact you would issue an ultimatium and upset the whole family - the exact opposite of what you are saying should have happened in this scenario...